This post will be my thoughts about what's going on. It's not that I don't feel something. I still have even though it's just a little. ![FB_IMG_159067755245701.jpeg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/mrnightmare89/EwgI985G-FB_IMG_1590677552457-01.jpeg)

I'm not good in approaching people because as always I'm not confident of myself. When I face myself in the mirror, I always think that "yeah, I'm not good at all." That's why it's being part of my attitude not to join in crowded places. I won't feel dizzy but my mind tells me in advance that "don't stay."

If I'm just allowed to share or if it's just allowed for me to tell the truth. I will tell them as long as they won't laugh at me. I'm going to tell them that actually deep inside. There's a man who wants to join even though he always says," he need to leave." He wanted to leave because he doesn't want commitment. Like having friends not an ordinary friendship. But a friend that can be called when he need something. A friend that won't judge him if ever he'll be like q cry baby. 

That's why I asked myself sometimes if I'm in a group. Do I need to stay or to leave? What if I will just hurt them through my words? What if they will be the one push me away because I have bad attitude. It's hard to decide since the part of me inside wanted me to stay. 

I just acted tough sometimes and chose a brave action. Actually I wasn't brave at all. I was being coward to run the of the emotions that I don't want to face. I chose to run because I was afraid that no one really wants for me to stay.

So what to do now? Actually I think there's no exact things that I need to do. I will just let them be if what they wanted. If they will go then they should go. All of us won't stay after all because all of us are just like travelers. We don't stay because we keep on moving.

Sorry but I'm not good in stopping someone not to go. I'm good in ignoring their feelings which is letting them be. It's not that I didn't feel some pain. Actually it's itching but I explained it to myself that maybe it's for the best. 

Stay or leave? Sorry I can't answer you with that. But either of these will be fine. I just don't know how to answer if it means of deciding what people should do. Remember that I'm not pushing you away and I'm not holding you to stay.

d' dreamboy,
@mrnightmare89