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>Think deep, but don't let it fry your motherboard

~Lupe Fiasco


When I see people look up to me, i can't help it but feel a sense of unease. Most times, people praise my courage and out-spoken nature, but deep down, I know that I am just a person that feels anxiety, but I try as much as possible to fight it. Sometimes, I win, but in most cases, I end up going back into my shell - a prison engulfed by low self esteem. Just that when I really need to stand out, I break out of the prison, and try everything possible to stand courageously even when i'm scared to the point of shitting my pants. 

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Being an overthinker comes with many "what ifs." What if this happens? what if that happens? what if it did not go as planned? what if it goes as planned but we are no where to eat the fruit of our labor? As thoughts gradually pile up, anxiety and ultimately, depression begins to become the order of the day, restricting proper manpower output into achieving the short term goals that was set. 

Is it a curse to be an over thinker? or is it a blessing? welp, that i don't know, but one thing i know is that when used properly, it could be a great weapon to fighting the war of life. However, listening to these voices talk in my head is very tiring and it consumes a whole lot of my energy. 

What does the future holds? after one accomplishment, what next? after a defeat , what next? what if you did not make it in life? What if your efforts were not enough? What if you dont stay around to enjoy the fruit of your labour? What kind of wife will you even marry? Would she be fateful? Are you actually on the right path? Your mates are doing well, do you think you can do better? What if you get an accident and it ends everything for you? would your loved ones be around to enjoy with you when you finally become financially free as you dreamed of? think about it.... Imagine my thoughts asking me to think deep. 

My greatest fear is my future, and the thought of it is really affecting my output. Without a doubt, I'm trying to make a living but when i think of these things, I can't help it but take a pause. Most times, its exhausting to the point where i have to start looking a source of glucose. 

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Though an over thinker, I'm also a deep thinker too, but when i'm alone, its difficult to silent the voices that are in my head which makes it difficult to focus on thinking deep. 

One thing that helps me to calm my thoughts down, is the fact that, what will be, will always be.  No matter how I think of something, no matter how worried I get about the future, if I don't put my thoughts together, the worst i fear will become a reality. 

In other to put my thoughts together and avoid making myself scared, I will, most times, reassure myself. In most cases, i will begin to point out the little accomplishments i have made, and how hard i worked to make those accomplishments. Pointing out the goals i achieved always help to silent the doubtful voices in my head, By doing so, i will be able to calm down, and think deep into creating solutions and adding value to my self. 

Thank you for reading. 


*All images belongs to me*

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