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# So I did an interview with @larrymorrison [(that you can view here)](https://dlive.io/video/larrymorrison/0e701a60-6a17-11e8-8c69-9334a80daafd) where we talked about life and consciousness. 

I have just been watching it in a start and stop fashion as Dlive slowly buffers and tries to load. It was an interesting process watching it, initially I felt quite uncomfortable watching myself talk.

We basically did a video conference call and went into it without any kind of script, so it was completely informal and off the cuff. Watching it my mind zoomed in on my speaking patterns and how much I ummmmed and ahhhhed during the conversation.  It's interesting to see how the mind wants to judge things (such as ourselves) as not being good enough, and focuses on the flaws.

I think that the remnants of old programming still lives on, and is coming to light now to be perceived, accepted, purged, or worked through. Who knows how my speaking pattern developed? Perhaps some incident as a child with a teacher left a wound on a subtle psychic level. I am inclined to think that a lot of our tendencies and compulsive behaviors are the result of unresolved trauma that is sealed away where we can't see it (until it rises up to be integrated).

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### I accept that I can learn to speak more clearly and confidently.

This is something that I will be putting my attention into now. It doesn't mean that I'm going to listen to my minds negatively focused commentary though - and judge myself. But rather to pay attention and make adjustments.

One of the other things that I do with my voice is rapping, with a group of my friends here in Wellington. I enjoy that a lot because it's another opportunity to speak my truth and get past any self consciousness. It's a chance to really be in the moment.

With the musical element there is a definite flow state where I feel that I am channeling my inner guidance - to say some things I didn't even expect to say. For me that is a lot of what communication in a public setting like Steemit is about - connecting to the source and letting that speak through me. So my focus has never really been on coming off as polished and perfect, just honest and connected.

I do see the value in speaking with clarity, and being enjoyable to watch and listen to though. So that's a goal now, and what better way to achieve it than with vlog style posts on Dlive and Dtube. I can talk my way through any awkwardness and develop a certainty and confidence.

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I think invariably when we venture into the unknown and start to learn and do new things, then there will be uncomfortable moments where it seems like we don't know what we are doing. Learning how to be ok with that feeling seems like an incredibly valuable skill. It's that fear that stops us from venturing forward in the first place, and it is the same fear the could potentially halt the learning process.

They say that we learn much better in a completely relaxed and supportive environment. So I am going to let go of as much seriousness as I can, and then embark on this journey in a playful and relaxed manner.

I feel as if I am in the same position as a lot of people who have a more introverted tendency. Where we have a lot of important things to say, yet are not very experienced in expressing ourselves fully and strongly. So it is a measure of self love to get out there and speak our truths, which is why I love this platform so much - because people are willing to put themselves out there and be honest. When we show our true heart to the world then the world shows it's true heart back to us, how beautiful is that? ❤

> I have saved up some money for vlogging equipment, having experienced first hand how bad the audio is on phones and small compact cameras. Do any of my fellow Steemians have a recommendation for decent quality cameras and audio recording gear?

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