An aphorism is a short saying that is intended to express a general truth. Some Aphorisms come with a pinch of humour, which makes them more appealing to the masses. A humorous quote not only teaches you a lesson, it also helps you to develop your wit and sense of humour, while putting a smile on your face.

Enjoy today's selection of humorous and witty quotes. They are funny, and at the same time, there is a lot of truth in them.

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No matter how big a hammer you use, you can’t pound common sense into stupid people. - Unknown 

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. - Douglas Adams 

When a thief kisses you, count your teeth. - Yiddish Proverb

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. - Milton Berle

Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine. - Unknown

Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits. - Mark Twain

I am certain there is too much certainty in the world. - Michael Crichton

Wine hath drowned more men than the sea. - Thomas Fuller 

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It’s not rocket science when it comes to weight loss. It’s about eating a little less and moving a little bit more. - Bob Harper

Don't get excited about a tax cut. It's like a mugger giving you back car fare. - Arnold H. Glasow

When publicly censured, our first instinct is to make everybody a co-defendant. - Ambrose Bierce

A fellow with a bad temper will soon find himself with no friends to show it to. - Unknown

When your ship comes in, if you are like most people, instead of being thankful, you will find fault with the captain for the delay. - Edgar Watson Howe

Sometimes we meet a fool with wit, never one with discretion. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Life is a beach. Sometimes you end up with a little sand in your pants. - Unknown 

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch. - Hermione Gingold

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