I was always fascinated by my father's ability to be completely indifferent to certain things going badly.
I've seen him be completely calm when our car's engine caught fire randomly one morning while he and my mother were preparing to go to work, and I saw him have the same reaction a few years later when pretty much the same thing happened, just with a different car.
His reaction wasn't necessarily that of indifference. He was quite amused with the situation. Nothing bad happened to any of us, because we weren't in the car, and the entire incident was over fairly quickly. Both cars were damaged, but that didn't seem to bother my father. My mother was devastated on both occasions, while my father was cheery.
I never really understood the reason for the way he reacted, but I always admired the way he remained calm in certain situations. It was only later in life that I understood that learning how to be indifferent to change, regardless of whether it's good or bad, to be calm when problems arise, can be the best thing you can do.
I understood that when I began learning about stoicism. I then realized that my father had quite a stoic attitude in the face of adversity, especially when there was little he could do about it. When both cars caught fire, there wasn't much he could do except extinguish it and see the damaged caused. No amount of sadness or anger could've changed the situation or repair our car. So he remained calm, even amused himself with the situation, and moved on.
My mother was the complete opposite. She considered both occasions to be catastrophic, she started crying and worrying about what we'll do without a car, cursing and being mad because of the event. None of those reactions made any difference to the situation at hand - it just made her feel bad and miserable for several days.
That's how I learned that it rarely helps to overreact in the face of adversity. When something bad happens, your negative reaction can rarely have any impact on the way things are or will develop. You do nothing but stress yourself with emotions and reactions that will help with nothing. Being calm, even amused at the bad thing happening is much better both for you, and for the situation itself, since it can help you keep a clear mind and think of solutions.
And that is exactly what I started doing throughout my life when things went wrong.
A few years ago, when I lost my job at a phone store, I wasn't sad or annoyed or anything like that. I knew the job wasn't for me, that the boss was delusional in thinking that we should do everything in our power, even if it was illegal or immoral, to get more money for the company, and so I left without worrying too much about anything. I knew that all I had to do was to get a new job and continue living.
When I couldn't find a job and I was running out of money, I didn't panic or get depressed - I continued to search for options, until I settled for the only one I had, which was to leave the country and go work in Germany. I spoke no German and I never worked in the kitchen, but things could've been worse, so I was calm and moved on with my life.
Those are only two of the many moments in my life when things went wrong. No amount of anger or sadness would've solved any of them. Banks don't care about feelings, nor do shops when you don't have money, nor does nature when you get sick or other people when your situation doesn't suit them. So, remaining calm and dealing with whatever was happening using whatever resources I had at the moment was the only thing I could do.
And despite all those bad situations, I am still alive and well, even better than before. I guess that the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" can be true.
There is little use in overreacting when things go badly. Learning to be indifferent, even amused, and focusing on what your options are rather than your lack of luck will always help you overcome most situations, or at least not suffer too much when nothing can be done.
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