I feel decidedly *ungenerous* when people at work ask me, again, this week, when we plan to leave. I imagine a tiny fairy inside me pouting, and storming from the toadstool where she sits impatiently waiting for this phase of our lives to be over. I know that people are just being polite, but I feel these shows of social niceties are dull and tedious. Still, I feel *obligated* to tell them, though there is more to the story to the one I tell them. For one, we might not even leave when I say - my father's illness might have us tied here still. 

These last few years of work have been challenging. I feel the same resentment I felt when I was finishing high school, though I wasn't getting paid for that. I have a responsibility to the students I teach, and would never shirk my duties there, but I can't help but feeling resentful about meetings when an email would do, making conversation with the same people around the metaphorical watercooler, and having to be somewhere when the bell goes - never mind that we don't have physical bells at our school, but the clock always seems ticking. 

Most of the people here we wouldn't choose to be friends with, and as nice as many of them are, we probably won't see them again. Work life can be odd like that. 

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It is impossible to shirk responsibilities, as a teacher. You are meant to inspire, motivate, *lift up* - often when you don't feel that way yourself. 

There's an expression in English, 'fake it til you make it'. It works every time. Take a Monday morning, when you'd rather be pottering in the garden and instead are walking toward a classroom to deliver a curriculum you're not sure you believe in anymore. Your inner fairy is stomping and screaming blue murder that she wants to go home - she's throwing a tantrum worthy of an orc. 

But you open the door and smile. 

And if you *fake it hard enough*, you more often than not start believing in your performance. You remember how important it is to make students feel comfortable, at ease, supported. You remember how much you matter in their lives, and how much influence you have over their day. 

I read a meme the other day that said: 'adulthood is mostly thinking 'fuck this' and having to do it anyway'. I hate being told what to do. I resent having to go out and earn a living to keep a roof over my head. I don't like the system we're all caught up in. I care about teenagers, but hate a one size fits all education system. 

Despite all this, I know what I do matters. So I invent strategies to make it bearable. The most important tactic is to be a good person. To praise and support their individuality, make them believe they are the amazing, beautiful human beings they most definitely are, and keep smiling, because it's not about *me*, it's about *them.*

And in this way, the burden is lessened a little. 

How very *grown up* of me. 

As for the adults in the staffroom, my inner fairy entertains herself by piffing imaginary cream buns into their hair. She's not an adult, after all. 

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# `With Love,` 


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**This question is Do you feel overwhelmed with obligations? Share some of the things that you find challenging, and how do you balance fulfilling commitments without shirking responsibilities, and not feeling burdened?**