Sawdust by riverflows

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hive-109288 · @riverflows · Sep 23 '24

$4.88

Sawdust

When I saw him yesterday he wasn't really talking. He was playing with the pills on the table, lining them up in rows. He had been refusing to take them. His mouth is very dry. It's hard to swallow.

'G'day!' he said, happy to see me. It was a shadow of a conversation, the communication of a man slowly losing his ability to communicate on a meaningful level. He'd told my sister he had days left. Mum was thinking November. My sister and I worried it'd be that long. Mum is exhausted. Dad isn't Dad.

He asked if I'd been for a surf.

No Dad I can't surf, coz of my hip.

Oh okay he said. How was it?

What dad? The surf.

Oh, good, Dad.

![IMG20240820121213~2.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/riverflows/23vsL2HER5aJWzWRjSz6LjigUPaVt4sK5MNyRVRPGMi25fBCgsqPtAgx2Zt9pnGPLdD9P.jpg)

Mum brought him fruit salad and yoghurt. He ate a strawberry, a few blueberries. Dropped one in his lap. I laughed, he mock scowled at me. He still has a sense of humour.

The table was moving toward him, he said. His fingertips are blue. Mum rubs his hands. He has been having vivid dreams. He is getting reality topsy turvy. He never knows where in the day he is. He's been telling us that for a while now.

He offers me the fruit salad. I don't fancy it but I eat it anyway. It's good and sweet and wet. It could be the last thing he offers me. Mum is talking about online shopping and fresh blueberries. She tells me about his ailments.

Do you want to know a list of everything wrong with me? He whispers. It's a joke.

Later he will tell me not to fall off the ladder. I don't know what he means. I think it's because I had half a glass of wine and it gave me a headache. Perhaps he's talking about wagons.

That night - Sunday night - he fell and Mum couldn't get him up. She called my sister and bro in law, they are minutes away. It's a hectic day, today, Monday - and they have a new palliative team that will come four times a day. They bring in a hospital bed to the main bedroom.

Maybe he called it right to my sister. Maybe it isn't long.

I tell Jamie the updates as he washes the dishes. He begins to cry. It's perhaps time in twenty years of marriage I've seen tears roll down his face.

I must have sawdust in my eyes, he jokes.

👍 canadian-coconut, ausbitbank, solominer, bengiles, dbooster, familyprotection, tonyz, shanibeer, honeydue, ablaze, minismallholding, cabelindsay, ph1102, owasco, vincentnijman, likedeeler, oadissin, centerlink, scooter77, innerblocks, sbi-booster, gamersclassified, goldenoakfarm, netaterra, yogajill, thoughtfulposts, deirdyweirdy, mrsquiggle, jhymi, szr-network, alphaccino.art, sbi4, therealyme, littlebee4, b0s, skiptvads, simplifylife, surrealis, samstonehill, exator, novacadian, drricksanchez, sandymeyer, hadrianwild, wesphilbin, artemisshares, communityunity, new.things, genesisledger, chrisdavidphoto, freemotherearth, kimzwarch, drwom, positiveninja, appics.tutorial, teamaustralia, dougbudlong, mrprofessor, cards4rent, bearone, sustainablyyours, cryptofiloz, evlachsblog, corvidae, and 75 others

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@b0s · Sep 23 '24

Damn, so sorry about that, you know my grandma started showing signs of dementia and at times my mind swoons to how it'll feel when it's time to say goodbye. I can't fathom how you must be feeling, but I'm sure it'll get better with time.

👍 wesphilbin

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@deirdyweirdy · Sep 23 '24

$0.04

That's heartbreaking. I can empathise. My own father died with dementia. I wish you all the strength you need to get through it.

👍 riverflows, wesphilbin

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@riverflows · Sep 23 '24 (edited)

Thanks. Sorry I don't mean to make people sad. It's just writing as catharsis. I'm trying not to focus overmuch on it or overthink it as I imagine we will be having all the feels over coming weeks. Just about to go to sleep so better on the page than swirling around my head. 💕

Sorry about your Dad. My best mates Dad is going that way, well, he's pretty much gone. Hugs x

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@goldenoakfarm · Sep 24 '24 (edited)

I am sad about your dad. For his sake, I hope your dad is right...  But it's the saddest, hardest time to come. 

I wasn't able to write about it, I just had too much on my plate. Once he was gone, I did write in a journal though.

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@riverflows · Sep 24 '24

$0.05

He died today. 💗 Better he's not in pain.

👍 goldenoakfarm

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@goldenoakfarm · Sep 24 '24

Oh, river! I am so sorry! My heart goes out to you. Sending lots of hugs and warmth to you and family. You will be in my thoughts constantly.

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@hivebuzz · Sep 23 '24

Congratulations @riverflows! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)

<table><tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x70/https://hivebuzz.me/@riverflows/upvoted.png?202409231233"></td><td>You received more than 670000 upvotes.<br>Your next target is to reach 680000 upvotes.</td></tr>
</table>

<sub>_You can view your badges on [your board](https://hivebuzz.me/@riverflows) and compare yourself to others in the [Ranking](https://hivebuzz.me/ranking)_</sub>
<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>

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@honeydue · Sep 23 '24

$0.10

I'm so sorry, my love.
I hope writing helps. I hope you find strength. You're a very strong and brave woman. You'll get through this.

👍 riverflows, wesphilbin, mfontom

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@riverflows · Sep 23 '24

$0.05

Of course, and I'm not the only one in the history of human beans - loss is part of the trip. Writing helps - organize thoughts, calm the swirly stuff.

👍 yogajill, wesphilbin

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@innerblocks · Sep 24 '24

<center>***Thanks for sharing your experience with us***!
<img src="https://i.postimg.cc/XqmVZYJV/unknown.png" alt="TIBLogo" style="border:none;" /></center>
<center>You have been curated  by @wesphilbin  on behalf of **Inner Blocks**: a community encouraging first hand content, and each individual living their best life.  Come [join the Inner Blocks Community](https://hive.blog/trending/hive-125669) , and check out @innerblocks! #lifehappening</center>

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@jhymi · Sep 23 '24

I know writing this, in a way, has given you some form of liberation. Sorry, friend. No one should have to go through this. But I believe that it's something you'll work out cause you're courageous like that, and surrounded by people who love you. It will be well.❤️

👍 wesphilbin

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@riverflows · Sep 23 '24

It's all okay. Everything is part of life xx

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@mfontom · Sep 24 '24

Be strong to bear everything happening. Sorry for your Dad

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@owasco · Sep 23 '24

$0.02

>I must have sawdust in my eyes, he jokes.

I have tears in mine, no joke. 

The dying know inknowable things. I am with you, I hope that gives you some small comfort. Many of us are. 

love

👍 dustbunny, wesphilbin

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@riverflows · Sep 23 '24

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

properties (22)

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@thoughtfulposts · Sep 24 '24

<center>![TY--ThoughtfulDailyPost.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/thoughtfulposts/23vi6PKk1ftXTKNHnyTZtqZZxXDadFXt6YEWtBWRYXcCHuMemFDZXoKNFtpJnWvNJMBkn.jpg)</center>

<br>

<div class="text-justify">

We appreciate you taking the time, to either use #ThoughtfulDailyPost, or otherwise help this Community grow.  So...

Thank you!!

</div>


<br>

 <div class="pull-left">https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/thoughtfulposts/AK9PpxUMutiv3JNLh27EyyPu2WbwztPsRQTGyNa1ZUZH5WA6oEZdJvdbKU8q5RN.png Wes & Grindan</div><hr><center><b>Curated by <a href="/@wesphilbin">wesphilbin</a></b></center>

properties (22)

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@wesphilbin · Sep 23 '24

<div class="text-justify"> Hello dear soul. You know I "get it"... Not YOUR situation perse... But the background of watching our loved one's slowly fade. Love strongly... Fiercely... Sending you love and positive energy...

<br>

**Wes...**
![TDPBlinkie-anim.gif](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/wesphilbin/23vsX3WRCWWnejYmKEVCAcBsg5xjNo44rS6gdQPiQkkSNheNZp3TRoG6HhoVxj9W7kWz2.gif)

</div>

!LUV
!LADY

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@ladytoken · Sep 23 '24

LOH 1727126900483

<div class='pull-right'>https://images.ecency.com/DQmbNGgo2ZfyBhJKoqCxyAUQFDPuGtk6Deh7ktYU92B1isW/loh_lady.png<p><sup><a href='https://hive-engine.com/?p=market&t=LOH'>View or trade </a> <code>LOH</code> tokens.</sup></p></div><center><br> <p>@wesphilbin, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @riverflows and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (4/6 calls)</p> <p>Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in <a href='https://peakd.com/hive-124452/@hive-124452/introducing-the-lady'>this post</a>.</p> </center><div></div>

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@luvshares · Sep 23 '24

@riverflows, @wesphilbin<sub>(3/10)</sub> sent you LUV. | <a
    href="https://crrdlx.on.fleek.co/" style="text-decoration:none">tools</a> | <a 
    href="https://discord.gg/K5GvNhcPqR" style="text-decoration:none">discord</a> | <a href="https://peakd.com/c/hive-159259">community </a> | <a 
    href="https://hivewiki.netlify.app" style="text-decoration:none">HiveWiki</a> | <a href="https://ichthys.netlify.app" style="text-decoration:none"><>< daily</a>



<center>Made with <a href="https://peakd.com/@luvshares" target="_blank">LUV</a> by <a href="https://hive.blog/@crrdlx" target="_blank">crrdlx</a></center>

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@riverflows · Sep 23 '24

Thanks..sorry if I didn't post in right place .  I wasn't sure where to put it, and posting it in a kind and soft community made sense to me.

👍 wesphilbin

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@wesphilbin · Sep 23 '24

<div class="text-justify"> It was just fine to post in our community @riverflows... You and I have been friends for quite some time. So no worries about posting this... It is thoughtful, and relevant to our world. My only worries are always revolving around sourcing of images and content... but you knew that already. I hope posting this creates some kind of solace... even if only for a little while. Love you way...

</div>

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2 replies

@yogajill · Sep 23 '24

Awe. The journey of life.   Much love and comfort to you and yours & your journey continues to unfold.   ❤️❤️

👍 wesphilbin

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@riverflows · Sep 23 '24

💖

properties (22)