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The Sum of My Lie = I'm Okay with Dying by riverflows

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· @riverflows ·
$13.93
The Sum of My Lie = I'm Okay with Dying
We're delaying telling Jamie's work he won't be around next year. There's this little niggle that suggests there could be another pandemic or a war escalating in Europe, which means it would be better to stay here in Australia, with at least some job security so we don't have to live off our savings. We already had that disappointment during 2020, spending most of our long service leave doing DIY around the house instead of the Grand Adventre. Next year will be Attempt #2 to LIVE LIFE before we DIE. 

It kinda irritates me, this 'gotta do it before ya die' list that we all hold in our heads. 'No regrets' and 'bucket lists' and 'you only live once'. It sets us up for *regret*. 

My father would have been an architect, not a draftsman, or believe it or not, a PE teacher. He would have travelled the world and climbed mountains. When he was on his death bed, he did the Life Sums in his  head. Did his life add up to a good life? Was he a good man? Did he live well? His conclusion was that he'd been incredibly lucky, and grateful for the life he had lived. 

Where does that gratefulness disappear to when we are no longer staring death in the face? Is facing death sometimes a practice of gratitude? Or does it spur us on to greater things? 

Perhaps a bit of both. 


![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/riverflows/244dyQrE4EZvaNRAkQxeMrkokJArMWyRFw5YYe6y543g1HAtj8wcHGJhaNBrQsyYHbZmG.png)


I've been incredibly lucky in this life. The fact I'm even alive at all is a miracle. Somehow, my antecedents survived war, plagues, childbirth, and a million other things that can kill you and I was born. I arrived to very loving parents and grew up in a safe, secure country with opportunities that many don't have. I have been lucky in love and have loved well, and have a beautiful son, daughter in law and a grandson. I have my health, a bit of land to call my own, the ocean near by. 

I've been priveleged enough to travel, from the sand dunes of the Sahara to the coast of Western Australia, the plains of Bagan in Burma to beaches in Thailand, standing stones in the UK and mountains and rivers in Europe. Damn, there's some nice memories right there. I'm excited about making more. 



![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/riverflows/246azmNkcKM26Hf4tCk8b16Zew5A4RdGAVzrXMdrEpVrjhE5z1iYkZtSqboYZMuGsm71m.png)


If I was to die on my travels, this counts. The sum of that life equals *I'm okay with dying, right now*. 

But still, I'm typing this out why students are undertaking silent reading, and all I'm thinking about is the best life to come. Being stuck in a classroom isn't my idea of a *best life*. 

Please, please don't let me die today. 

I have a bucket list to get through. 

***This post was in response to the Weekend Engagement questions by @galenkp. I chose this one: 'If you died today would you die knowing you lived your best life or not?'***
👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 382 others
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vote details (446)
@fabian98 ·
How profound, congratulations for your writing, I identify myself very much.
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@hivebuzz ·
Congratulations @riverflows! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)

<table><tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x60/http://hivebuzz.me/badges/postallweek.png"></td><td>You have been a buzzy bee and published a post every day of the week.</td></tr>
</table>

<sub>_You can view your badges on [your board](https://hivebuzz.me/@riverflows) and compare yourself to others in the [Ranking](https://hivebuzz.me/ranking)_</sub>
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**Check out our last posts:**
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@honeydue ·
> If I was to die on my travels, this counts. The sum of that life equals I'm okay with dying, right now.

Shit, that hits deep. I contemplate it a fair bit. If something went wrong and I died on this next trip, would I be okay with that? In a sense, no, I don't wanna die. Obviously. More shit to do, as you yourself point out. But all in all, I like to know I'm okay with the concept, too. It's a trip worth doing.

Also, the intro paragraphs about (a) how the pandemic knocked us all on our heads and (b) how it prompted an almost desperation to live to the fullest, and not take it for granted... 200%, man.
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@riverflows ·
$0.03
Honestly, the pandemic really shook us all up, didn't it? 

The thing is, once we are dead, we are dead - we'll have no ability to assess whether it was timely or worth it or not, so why even think this? It kinda annoys me! 
👍  
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vote details (1)
@honeydue ·
Exactly! There's something very short-sighted about this whole looking back idea. Like death, whatever it may be, will just be you as you are now, sitting on another chair, remembering. Give me a break ;)
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@indiaunited ·
Indiaunited Curation 1692019621472
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@kryptik ·
I'm going to just pretend death doesn't exist. I plan on living forever.
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@riverflows ·
Oh, great tactic. In that case, a week on the couch with some tim tams sounds good right now... 
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@kryptik ·
The beauty of it is that you can do it anywhere. Even on your travels. Couches are ubiquitous.
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@ladyrebecca ·
I can only pray that your dream comes through and Europe (and the rest of the world) will be safe next year. Not being allowed out of the house is the single most traumatic memory I have of the pandemic. Not that we kept indoors, but still... 
As for the real question, I'm quite OK with dying myself. I've lived a life I'm happy with. But not quite today. Still have a teenage son to see to manhood and so many things to learn. Maybe a few places to see, too, but that's less important. One of my tattoos reads "Live till we die" and I hope I get to stay active and interested in this world till the day I die.
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@riverflows ·
> Not being allowed out of the house is the single most traumatic memory I have of the pandemic

Yeah I hear that! I was lucky to have 5 acres to play on and until we got the 5k restrictions (I could'nt go to the beach) at least I could get out of the house! Just thinking about it brings me trauma. 

I adore that tattoo - and yes, see your son well and happy first please! Mine's 26 and living a good life so I am okay to leave hiim if I must. I don't want to though! 
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@oceanbee ·
Your thoughts about dying and living pretty much sum up my thoughts about this topic. Minus the fact that I'm not planning for a big travel adventure. Your UK/Europe trip will be so awesome and it will happen, I'm sure of it. And we'll get to read many posts and see wonderful photos of it - win/win!
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@riverflows ·
I'm not sure how much time I'll have for posting but I'll try! 
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@owasco ·
hahaha This reminds me of the time I read Erica Jong while the students were taking a tests. Best test ever. 

Why are you speaking of your father in the past tense?  

Just wanna be the best version of me before I die. 
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@riverflows ·
When my father WAS dying? Coz he's not anymore? And he WOULD have been these things? Yeah, he's still kicking. 

I earn my money hiving whilst students are studying - or should be haha. Easy money. It's a good school so hardly any issues of behaviour to deal with. Just bloody noise sometimes! 
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@owasco ·
Ok good. I was worried. So happy he's still kicking. What an amazing guy! I remember when it was not looking good. 

What kind of school has hardly any behavior issues?! 
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@rafzat ·
Hmm
You did well with the contest. You still have a lot of things to do in life. You won't die
You'd live very long
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@riverflows ·
i hope so, haha!
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@steven-patrick ·
The sum of your life looks pretty good.  Kind of irony in this question - if you are living your best life, you want to keep it going.  
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@riverflows ·
Sometimes the best life is just breathing and enjoying the beauty of nature. It doesn't get better than that. 
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