I can remember one night back during my first year of high school, sitting home and feeling sorry for myself.  I had made friends with this new group of people that were from the other side of town, and I was devastated to know that they were having a house party and I wasn't invited.

Hadn't we gotten along just fine?  What had happened to make them dislike me?  It happened two or three times and I started to feel like maybe I would never have a close group of friends again.  This kind of thing had happened before too.

Many years later, I realized why they had stopped inviting my all of the sudden.  They didn't call me because I never called them.  It was a really basic, simple thing, nothing personal at all.  At the time, however, I was too stuck in my own point of view to see that.

I spent much of my youth, and even some of my adulthood wondering why people weren't easier, more open, more friendly, warmer.... I knew what I was trying to put out there, but I never was able to look objectively and see just what kind of energy I was giving them.

I was friendly, but I was always focused on too many things, mostly myself, to ever really understand their feelings.  I remembered every single time that they didn't make the effort with me.  I kept tabs of the times they disappointed me.  I didn't keep too many tabs on the time they were decent and I never made the first effort.


![image0 (2).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/selfhelp4trolls/242DJNoeBZTdwHfS2P3w2QngL1yf2j4JMYSfXM7XnjSezTcF4rasoj9MdFoQUtBxBefK3.jpg)


I wanted to show my appreciation for people but I was always kind of worried that they would laugh at me or perhaps just feel indifferent.  So I rarely said anything.  I remember really appreciating this girl who tried to introduce me to some of her friends.  I was so grateful...and I never even told her that.  It's no wonder that she disappeared.

I find that adults, at times, are really no different.  Many people get stuck inside their own world, or at the very least, they have their own rhythm and don't really notice yours, even when it feels like something that anyone could see.  

I notice on twitter that if you leave a bunch of comments on someone's tweets, they almost never follow you.  If you start with a comment and then you follow them, over 80% of them might add you if you actually leave comments that they enjoy, even just a little.

People tend to think that if they give away too much niceness or decency that it'll lose it's value.  The demand for this kind of thing is way higher than the amount we could ever produce though, so there is no need to worry about this, and when we do, we seriously hinder our own experience of others.  We won't even get to see the better side of them.

There is a lot of explanations for such emotional stinginess, but in the end, people feel taxed and don't have infinite time and energy, and so they try to preserve what they can until they see a reason to make the effort. This can be a useful mechanism, but most of the time, it's way stronger than necessary.

In general, lack mentality has permeated our consciousness for a long time and there aren't many who can move beyond it, and even those who do, you don't know what they are dealing with.  Perhaps their work renders them tired beyond the ability to think of others.  Perhaps they have a physical issue that consumes their time.  Maybe they have a goal that they are so determined to reach that other things take a back seat.

Still I feel a lot of angst coming from adults who aren't given the attention that they desire from others, or who don't feel others making the first effort with them.

These days I make the assumption that others are too busy and consumed with their own problems to care about what I'm doing.  It's not that they CAN'T care.  They just don't right now.  I also assume that I'm interesting enough to make at least half the people out there take interest in me, assuming that I spend a sufficient amount of energy on them.  So in the end, it all comes down to whether or not I have the time and energy for them.

If others ignore me, it's in my power to get their attention and make something happen, at least more often than not.  If I don't have friends, I need to try and make some.  If no one is messaging me, I can message them first.  It's what I want so why should I wait around for others to do it first?  **It's not that I'm not interesting and it's not that others don't care, they just have other shit on their mind.**

I feel that a lot of people feel the same way that I used to when I was young.  They are scared of failure, and scared of making an effort and having it go to waste.  They are worried others will laugh at them or think they are creepy. 
 The thing is, you may have a limited amount of time in the day, but chances are, you aren't making the most of it, and until you are, none of that effort is wasted by giving it to others, in fact, you may find yourself building a nice relationship with someone.

If not, they probably had too much on their plate.  No problem.

That's why I'm not stingy with my time and attention.  If I am not exhausted or busy or focused on something that I want to stay focused on, I give my time and energy easily.  If someone proves to be a black hole, I keep a note and make sure not to let any energy fall into that hole.  If I find myself spread too thin, I try to find ways to blend things and projects and groups together or I slow down with the spreading out and reaching more people. 

I only cut people off if they create problems and drama, there is no other reason I'd ever do that.  Nowadays I make my best effort to reciprocate and to also pay forward all the love and support I receive.  It's not always easy, but most people don't even require that much if you can be honest and direct with them.  I think my closest friends know just how much I am trying to do and be and know that I can make time for them when needed.  

Not everything has to be tit for tat, and I don't think I attract the kind of people who keep tabs.  Everything is about vibes.  When you get a sentence long message that is full of love from a friend, you don't get upset that it wasn't 3 paragraphs, right?

I'll keep making the first move, whether it's at Hive or twitter, at work or in my social circles.  If I want to do something together with a friend, I'll ask them instead of waiting around for them to ask me.  If I want to know something about someone I'll ask them and if they are uncomfortable or annoyed, they don't have to reply, or they can drop me a hint.

I've come to realize if you sit around waiting for everything to come to you, nothing happens, and you end up waiting forever.  There is an empowering energy that comes from taking action.


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##### My music:

https://youtu.be/cfjCagMwoVE

##### My lazy vlogs:

https://youtu.be/11JrTlM8BIU

https://youtu.be/oJbVgyoeiY4


##### my mini-novella series:

## [Confessions of the Damaged](https://books2read.com/u/4ERDlE) - Out Now! 
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#### 🎬[Self Help For Trolls](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoV0RMwHNxmiNVLJYO6_X8w)
#### 🎸[I + Everything](https://soundcloud.com/ipluseverything)
#### 📕 [Confessions of the Damaged](https://books2read.com/u/4ERDlE) OUT NOW :-)


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