A friend of mine has been feeling lost and confused and asked me for some advice.  After replying to her I realize that my reply would make an awesome post to share with everyone.  I added a lot but this was the basic gist of it with more of my own personal experiences:


Get back to this moment

Feel how you react. Don’t reject it.

Just remember, the future exists to encourage us to dream a better present, something we can focus on and bring into being. It’s not about reaching that dream but always getting closer and dreaming new dreams as we go. 

Every hardship also exists to carve us and make us stronger. We become the people we want to become through our experiences if we carve consciously. 

Ask yourself “what am I afraid of?” and face it directly. Accept it.

Then look inside yourself again…can you find new courage? New ideas?

Anger can hide these things. Sometimes we think we are just angry but the anger was just the pressure building up, of a desire we were scared of becuase it would force us to change and create uncertainty or struggle. 

But the desire needa to be explored for us to heal. If it’s going to hurt someone our create irrevokable damage then it’s probably not a desire we need to go through with but by examining it we will be able to untangled and find hearhier desires. 

Recently I realized that I never feel safe. And it’s not because I’m not safe. It’s because I was never free to speak my mind with the people closest to me. 

I had to go online and find friends from Venezuela and Indonesia and Portugal and Austraia and India and move all over East Asia find these people.  

And so my personality didn’t develop naturally with support to explore and dream my true dreams. I always had this idea that it was not safe because my parents carried that idea, passed on by their parents and understandably so, because they were persecuted

But there is no reason why they should have passed that level of fear on to their children when they themselves had safety and security. 

As a result I tried to do anything to avoid danger, even when it meant totally stiflfing my creativity and my own voice. Later I challenged this but by then I had already forgotten many of the things I was scared of because they had embedded themselves into my entire worldview. 

In this most recent crash I went through, I realized the little child in me wants revenge on my parents. I know they tried their best but the little child in me is still angry. 

I realized I suffer because I want my parents to see what they did to me by encouraging me to be weak in my convictions and not providing me the kind of supportive guidance I was asking for.

They tried to push me to sacrifice my dreams for a normal and secure life like they did, and subconsciously I decided that I would not give them what ai wanted. 

Subconsciously a part of me wants conpensation and so I always find myself in financial peril because I know my parents will bail me out. Of course most of me doesn’t want this and they no longer have the ability to bail me out, but more importantly, living life with a desire for revenge or compensation is not a healthy way to live. 

 https://img.inleo.io/DQmdePL4N4Ep9SRzaBRVbfQi35BSVpS6qgSBenzCtBRZYeN/998E7F12-555F-4C86-9B5A-BEAE73B0B01C.webp 

And so now I’m reminding myself constantly that I’m safe. Of course if there is a truly dangerous situation I won’t do that.

I’m also reminding myself that my bigger desire is to thrive and be a bridge builder and a light, not my desire to teach my parents a lesson. 

That desire should be way stronger than my desire to prove anything to my parents. Also I will be able to prove whatever I want to them by thriving with art and music and freelance work and crypto. 

So I look at those two desires together. And I compare them. And I keep reminding myself which is stronger and which deserves more of my attention. 

Our reality is created by our desires, not only our current desires but the desires of any unresolved, unintegrated parts of ourselves. The 3 year old who wants attention or the 5 year old who wants to try something their parents say no to.

Every single person carries these kinds of distortions, of past versions of themselves crying out for this or that. A handful of people have worked through them and many hide it fairly well but this is not unique to people with depression and addiction or other more serious issues. 

My true is to explore things that people don’t understand well and to connect people that had no means of connecting on their own. It’s to look inside and embrace all the beauty and ugliness and to consciously choose the beauty, rather than just running from the ugliness out of fear.  

My distorted desire was to prove something to my parents and to hide myself because I didn’t want retaliation for things I say or believe, and it is not completey resolved but I an working in it. 

So what desires haven’t you resolved?


—————-
Newest vlog:
<iframe width="100%" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XeFatgqRiYQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Posted Using [InLeo Alpha](https://inleo.io/@selfhelp4trolls/my-unresolved-desires)