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*Image credit is mine*



I have always avoided taking a look at myself. When I say ‘look’, I mean looking inward, deeply, at myself. I am one who is able to compartmentalize and focus on whatever I choose. It is why I can ignore the thoughts coming into my mind and go through each day.

There are many feelings or situations that I have experienced, and I try not to process any of them. It has gotten so bad that I no longer try to not to process; it just happens. For example, I can shut off a certain feeling that I know can break me, instead of coming to terms with it. I often dwell on the negative, maybe because I have experienced a lot of it. But today, I’ll tell you something different.

I have mentioned Tim in one of my previous stories. I will tell you how Tim helped me feel better as a person and increased my self-love.

It was a Friday, and I closed from work by 5 p.m., exhausted from the stress of the day. I was looking forward to seeing Tim and hanging out. He had called earlier to tell me that I should wait behind at work and he'd be right out to meet me.

On his arrival, I got into his car, saying, ‘Hey Tim. Good evening’.

‘Hey, mama. You look so stressed, baby girl’, he said.

I could only smile as he drove off to my house, which was quite some distance from my office. We talked about our day, and suddenly he said, ‘You don’t know how beautiful you are. You are, in fact, very sexy’. I was completely caught off guard by this, and I laughed, unsure of how to respond.

‘Ah, you can’t take compliments’, he added, glancing at me.

‘I am sorry. I don’t know what to say’, I said, smiling sheepishly and feeling slightly uncomfortable.

‘I know you don’t. You should stop feeling so down and worthless. It is annoying when you work and can’t get enough time and money to take care of yourself. You look at these other people, and everyone seems to be enjoying life but you. You are always exhausted, baby girl, but you know you have people like me and the clan to count on if you ever need it’, Tim said.

‘Um, it is going to be difficult to do that. I am not one to keep talking about my problems. Others are going through one difficulty or another as well', I said.

‘Yeah. You always sacrifice so much for the people you care about. When will you start making sacrifices for yourself? When will you start to care about you, your life, and your career? When will you feel happy again?’, he asked. I answered him with silence.

‘I wish you could try to give back to yourself; that love, care, and attention you so desperately try to give to others, give some to yourself. Otherwise, you’ll keep feeling miserable, unsatisfied, and exhausted. These things can make you unattractive, you know? And trust me, burdens on you can be unattractive because they show all over you’.

I took a look at his face; he had his gaze focused on the road ahead of him. Then I looked at the sideview mirror next to me and stared into it for a few minutes. ‘Is this really you? You wear your heart on your sleeves, now? You look really tired and old’, I thought to myself, and I wondered if I would ever receive that love that I gave out. ‘You fool. No one would ever want you. No one would treat you better’, these thoughts came at me. ‘I deserve better’, I told myself firmly. ‘I will get better’.

‘You only know me this much because we are close’, I said to Tim.

‘Ha-ha! I knew it! I knew you would become defensive’, he laughed. ‘Anyways, I am always here for you, baby girl’.

I smiled at his reassuring words and thanked him.

‘So? Where do you want to go tonight?’, he asked.

‘As long as I am with you, I'll go anywhere’, I replied.

![Snapchat-423738788_1.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/smc.arike.oba/23uQfv7Pb6TRdQaHVVr8MVRebmPYbwSWgkHGrSwoUU1BVxEyBDWn4wmVU9rL28HsVfhr9.jpg)

*Image credit is mine*


To date, I don’t think he knows I took his advice to heart. We now live in different states and can't check on each other often. I started to love myself bit by bit; although it's not so obvious, I have started to treat myself better and to make myself a priority. I also stopped trying to kill myself over problems I couldn’t solve and took my life one step at a time. As for happiness, I hope I get to experience it again soon and that when I do, I get so caught up in it.

Thank you, Tim. I am very grateful for your support. Your words had a way of making me feel beautiful and invincible. They encouraged me, strengthened me, and made me feel important and cared for. Cheers to more years of friendship! I hope that I’ll never lose you.