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==========================<p>Addiction fucking sucks.....</p>==========================
<p> I now understand though the pains I may feel while alive dealing with life when I know no other way to cope other than to get high are nothing compared to the pain my mother, my father, my daughter, my brother, and everyone who loves me would feel if I died due to my drug use.</p>
<p>These post I make are therapeutic for me. I know Steemit has the power to reach the world. This allows me to release and share my feelings while possibly helping others change themselves or their ideas. Some might not know the struggles of those who deal with addiction but I am here to share my experience. I had no shame being a drug addict so why should I have shame that I am in recovery</p>
***********************************<p>Controlling Emotions with Drugs.</p>***********************************
<p>In active addiction I often used to block painful emotions. Even as a friend died from using too much I could just put another one in me and shit was okay. It is a sick cycle that prevents you from being a "normal" functioning human. To think that for over 10 years if I felt an emotion that I deemed to strong to deal with I would just smoke. ingest, or inject more drugs and be free from feeling the ways I did not want to. From my experiences I have learned that by taking away the pain I didn't want to feel put that pain ten-fold on those who loved me. Today I accept that I was being completely selfish. Now that I understand the pain I have cause and seeing families of those who did not make I know feel the pain would be to great to continue using drugs.</p>
***************************<p>Today I Feel</p>***************************
<p>Today I am learning a new way to deal with these emotions that I haven't had to deal with for years. Its not just learning how to but actually applying these skills to everyday life. You know what hurting usually sucks but I actually feel good that I am able to feel and deal with it properly.</p>

=====================<p>Thank You Steemit</p>======================
<p>I thank all of those who read my posts. Steemit has been a great outlet for my writings. I hope it may be able to help people some day to share my story and be an example to those who think they can not live a productive life without drugs.
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<p>https://steemit.com/@spbesner</p>
<p>Feel free to email me at spbesner@gmail.com</p>

<p>Visit http://seanbobs.strangled.net/</p>
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