Jingles by steemed-open

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psychology · @steemed-open · Sep 22 '16

$13.27

Jingles

<html>
<p>The tinkly sound of little metal bells seemed to loudly emanate from my footsteps. Clink, clink, clink...down the supermarket aisle I went. I felt so self conscious today as I searched for organic blueberries. Step. Jingle. Step. Jingle. All through the store.&nbsp;</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>That it felt louder today is probably in my head. It's the same jingly sound I &nbsp;have worn 24/7 for the last week. Some days I'm more aware of the sound than others… Some days I want to hide more than others. Some days I want to remove the anklet, but learning to be okay with the sound is the point.&nbsp;</p>
<p><img src="https://www.steemimg.com/images/2016/09/22/IMG_48688d149.jpg" width="1300" height="980"/></p>
<p>You see I am currently going through "jingle therapy". I've been prescribed by my therapist to wear an anklet with a little jingle bell on it 24/7 until my next appointment. Through intensive therapy sessions my therapist has helped me understand why I have long struggled with issues of wanting to stay safe and small, hide myself, not show the world who I really am., etc. So this is a little bit of cognitive behavior therapy. Exposure therapy… I am subjecting myself to little doses of "I can't hide".&nbsp;</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>It's like immunotherapy… Tiny doses of the irritant builds up an immunity until eventually your body no longer over reacts to the stimulus. &nbsp;</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>Sometimes I worry that my jingles annoy those around me. Like the other shoppers today...they could hear me lightly jingling as I walked down the shopping aisle beside of them. But then that's part of my therapy... to get over what other people think of me. Every jingle is a chance for me to practice. Somedays I barely even notice the sounds. But then other times, like today at the store, I seem hyper aware of them&nbsp;</p>
<p>😳</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>&nbsp;Would I be annoyed or offended if I saw another person at the store making a little extra noise as they walked by me? No. I might think it was cute or at worst odd, but I wouldn't be annoyed.&nbsp;</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>Like what if I passed by a blind person with a cane on the street and I had to scooch over on the sidewalk to let him pass by as he needs more room &nbsp;to sweep the cane back and forth. Of course I wouldn't be annoyed! I would be pleased for him that he found a tool, the cane, which helps him get out in the world and make his way. My tool that helps me get out more in the world is my bells. &nbsp;</p>
<p><br></p>
<p>Basically it's like I have a split personality. Wanting attention and yet afraid of too much of it, and so I hold myself back In life avoiding that thing I most crave, and yet am most afraid. That's no way to live. I want to get past this. I want to pursue my life interests with full dedication. Without this background mind chatter bullshit second guessing my every step trying to keep me staying safe and small.&nbsp;</p>
<p><img src="https://www.steemimg.com/images/2016/09/22/IMG_4869ae08f.jpg" width="3102" height="2888"/></p>
<p>Jingle on my friends.</p>
</html>

👍 roadscape, ned, sean-king, ramta, nabilov, helikopterben, lukestokes, billbutler, will-zewe, derekareith, tommyhansen, smooth-e, thecryptofiend, asmolokalo, barbro, strangerarray, steemed-open, samether, cryptos, richman, telos, deviedev, stephmckenzie, james-show, allmonitors, logic, onetree, noodhoog, acidyo, bitcoiner, solarguy, steemitpatina, thegoodguy, andre-ager, summonerrk, ullikume, bola, cryptoeasy, robotev, donalddrumpf, thepresident, jen, freeinthought, nextgen16, nextgen11, nextgen13, runridefly, clonewarz, michaelmatthews, healthydelicious, jlufer, chadcrypto, cynetyc, prosto-veter, freefun, coinideas, redlionresources, sjamayee, legendkillermick, plentyoffish, sergeykitayev, robotev1, robotev2, arnoldz61, and 5 others

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@freefun · Sep 23 '16

Awesome Post.

👍 freefun

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@steemed-open · Sep 24 '16

Thank you so much

👍 freefun

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@jlufer · Sep 23 '16

excellent post, the beautiful words he used. thank you very much

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@steemed-open · Sep 24 '16

Thank you for commenting

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@lukestokes · Sep 23 '16

You are a beautiful woman inside and out and @sean-king knows he is a lucky man. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

> But then that's part of my therapy... to get over what other people think of me.

This is such a great process. It took me a while and a good mentor to realize my biggest weaknesses were pride, man-pleasing, and insecurity. I've spent a life-time (well, 37 years of one, anyway) thinking about how those three concepts feed off each other. I think your explorations are beautiful and even if someone was annoyed, even if they had the gall to say something to you, how wonderful of an experience would it be to exert your new-found identity as a strong, self-assured woman and let them know how beneficial your journey is and what those jingles mean to you.

Keep on finding yourself. It's the only journey worth traveling.

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@steemed-open · Sep 24 '16

Thanks for your thoughtful comment and your compliments. :) I'm glad to know you can relate.  Maybe everyone has these same struggles? I like how you call it "man-pleasing." Was it that you caught yourself caring about the opinions of other men more than that of women, or just that you were trying to please "The Man?" 

You hit my key fear - what if I was confronted and had to justify my jingles, or my... whatever it is in any situation that I feel self conscious about?  So another part of my "therapy" has been visualizing that exact scenario lately.  To surrender to experiencing this great fear that holds me back.  It's been transformative and has impacted how I relate in the real world.  

Thanks again for commenting.  And I wholeheartedly agree that finding oneself is essential for genuine happiness.  I delight in finding ways to clear away the accumulated emotional residue that clouds my vision.

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@lukestokes · Sep 24 '16

Heh. That's a great question. I think I called it "man-pleasing" because that's how it was taught to me within the religious framework I was in. To please "man" was to not please "God", etc, etc. That framework also has some built in patriarchy, so your comments are valid there as well regarding man vs. woman.

It sounds like you're going through some exposure therapy. You're going to **love** this: http://ncase.me/neurons/

Check it out. :)

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@steemitpatina · Sep 22 '16

$0.16

It can take some doing - or jingling - to reach the point where we feel worthy of the space we inhabit, the air we breathe. Jingle on!

👍 ramta, tommyhansen, barbro

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@steemed-open · Sep 22 '16

$0.16

yes...you get it.  thanks for the support.

👍 ramta, tommyhansen, barbro

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@thecryptofiend · Sep 23 '16

I would never have thought you were shy with all your photos.

Best of luck with it.  Also the chain looks quite cute too.  

I remember those ankle chains from Bollywood movies and always thought they look sexy though not sure why.

I always feel very self conscious and won't even let anyone take my photo ever but nobody ever believes me if I say I'm shy.   I suppose it might be similar in some ways.

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@steemed-open · Sep 24 '16

Yes it seems we can relate to each other. Self conscious is closer to how I feel than shy, and I've  worked so hard towards getting over it. But lately, I've realized that sometimes it's not work or effort that finally helps us transcend...its complete surrender and acceptance of what is. the bells help me stay awake to this and prevent me from going back into hiding mode. 

You don't allow anyone to take your picture...ever? Dare I challenge you to share one here on Streemit? Might be good therapy for you. 😉

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@thecryptofiend · Sep 24 '16

Maybe some day lol:)

👍 steemed-open

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