RE: Mizu No Oto - Every Image Has Its Haiku - Edition # 39 (English) by stevesmithagain

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haikucontest · @stevesmithagain · Oct 4 '19

$0.04

the sea calls
a beached sailor pines
for freedom

I am pretty sure that this is my first haiku.
This is fun. Thanks.

👍 bananafish, crowdmind, gracielaacevedo

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@agmoore · Oct 4 '19

Well, I love this haiku.  I won't analyze it, just go with the feelings.... and amazingly, the narrative....it so efficiently evokes.
 Write more :)

👍 stevesmithagain

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@bananafish · Oct 8 '19

Welcome to Mizu no Oto! 
The two parts separated by the *kireji* complement each other perfectly

👍 stevesmithagain

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@stevesmithagain · Oct 9 '19

Thanks. 
May I ask if rhyming words are to be avoided with haikus?

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@marcoriccardi · Oct 9 '19 (edited)

Marco here with my personal account (I'm the same guy who runs Mizu no Oto for Bananafish ;) )
Yes, rhymes are generally to be avoided with haikus, but allitteration is somewhat allowed, if it sounds spontaneous

👍 stevesmithagain

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1 reply

@owasco · Oct 4 '19

Welcome! It's a great haiku. It has movement, longing, great structure, and we hear what the sailor hears, see what they see, want what they want. Nice, very nice for #1.

👍 stevesmithagain

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