Viewing a response to: @olawalium/make-the-effort
Hi Olawalium. another great poem & one with a great motivational message. If you don't mind I'll suggest some things to look at when you redraught to piece. from the opening 7 lines it looks like you may be considering a rhyme scheme as they all end with words which rhyme in the ear & eye, but the scheme then disappears. then, a little later on, you end 3 consecutive lines with the same 3 word refrain, which makes for nice emphasis, but is jarring in the reading. I don't know if you have considered playing with some more formalised poetical forms where rhymes and repetitions are built into the structure. If you haven't then the sonnet is a great form to look at, and the villanelle is a challenging but really exciting form. look forward to reading more of your work.
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Thank you so much and I hope to learn more on the style you are talking about. I enjoy pencilling my thoughts into poetry and sometimes they won't always rhyme while other times they do. I will try the best I can. Thank you.
| author | olawalium |
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I think this is very useful advice, Stuart. Olawale has some great messages to share... and poetry doesn't have to rhyme, but when a mix doesn't stick to a pattern, it does tend to make it a bit more difficult to gel with the rhythm. I think it would be good if a more formalised approach was attempted. I think he would be good at it! !PIZZA @olawalium I enjoyed your message here... I always do :-)
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Thank you so much. Yes, I'm used to this pattern of sharing my thoughts through my poem. I wish I understand the style he is talking about but I'm open to learning it. Who knows maybe this style I'm using is what I can own and carve as mine 😍😍😍. Thank you so much. Your support warms my heart and it delights my soul.
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!LOLZ ... I think Stuart is just suggesting that it may work better if you either rhymed in a consistent pattern or wrote it as prose... If you use an existing structured form of poem then the rhythm remains constant and easier to read. Nothing wrong with beating your own path either 💗 I guess with all creative works... it is all a honing of the craft over time. !LUV
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