How to fuck up a cake on a yearly basis by suesa-random

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baking · @suesa-random · Sep 29 '18 (edited)

$16.77

How to fuck up a cake on a yearly basis

![](https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2018/04/14/17/38/woman-3319540_960_720.jpg)<sub>By geralt on pixabay.com</sub>

---
*Travel posts will resume next week. You expected a regular posting schedule? This accound is called ***random*** for a reason ... What did you expect?*

---

Each year for my birthday party, I bake the same cake - a "Death by Chocolate". Each year, I find a way to fuck it up. One might think I'd improve over time, but somehow, it just gets worse. But I love this cake too much to just ... stop doing it.

This September, I was mostly not at home (vacation, steemSTEM meetup, such stuff), which is why I celebrate my birthday with my friends this late. 

This morning (ok technically yesterday because the dough needs to rest in the fridge overnight) I started preparing my cake, determined to not ruin it.

What are the ways to ruin it?

The problem is, that the dough has to be baked without the filling, while still maintaining a "rim" so the filling doesn't run out. That's surprisingly difficult. In past years, I struggled with this a lot, more than once creating a flat dough surface.

Two years ago, my grandmother suggested that I'd use dried peas or beans to act as the filling while baking, and then remove them. Great idea grandma!

The thing is, we both had a different picture in mind. What she was thinking of was this:

<center>![IMG-20180929-WA0018.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmaKeyj7JMP1YX1QoHkYpYrGXzYWDXgsFBPja1JMYT1kaD/IMG-20180929-WA0018.jpg)</center><sub>That's from today, like all cake pictures to follow.</sub>

For some reason, using a baking sheet never, ever crossed my mind, until I was picking out dried peas from my dough ...

Oh well.

Another issue are the raspberries. They go between the dough and the chocolate filling. I use frozen raspberries, and the first time I made the cake, I added them in their frozen form.

They thawed.

The dough absorbed all the moisture.

The dough ended up being soup.

Now, I thaw the raspberries and then smush them together, draining most of the liquid. Nice and clean.

<center>![IMG-20180929-WA0022.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmYPrDnFdQirANLov8BAqDyK1QWGGDaaBBZ3mYm9jRRVMP/IMG-20180929-WA0022.jpg)</center><sub>The muffin forms don't contain dough, just leftover raspberries and, later, leftover chocolate. Omnomnom.</sub>

Thinking I avoided fucking up this year, I happily proceeded making the chocolate cream (cream, milk, sugar, butter, chocolate. Truly, a healthy dessert).

And while I was stirring and stirring and stirring I noticed that ... something was off. The chocolate refused to smoothly combine with the other things. And it only got worse! In the end, I had chocolate, covered by a thick layer of liquid fat.

<center>![IMG_20180929_101623.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmZsrkFhXXrFcLZ3cAnaQvuEPg2J3k1u7WbcXNBiGgabbg/IMG_20180929_101623.jpg)</center><sub>Oh for fuck's sake ...</sub>

I'm not entirely sure why this happened, but my guess is that I was stirring too hard.

Discarded it, which looked like someone shat in my trashcan. I spare you the picture of that.

My boyfriend was nice enough to go buy new cream and chocolate, I still had butter, milk and sugar. Repeated the process, and ta-da!

<center>![IMG_20180929_111148.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmeswWh1N33VFSECD9Taiid9wy7v5unMsyorLqxvyzkMTC/IMG_20180929_111148.jpg)</center><sub>Smooooth</sub>

That's what it's supposed to look like!

Happily, I added it to the cake (and fake muffins).

<center>![IMG_20180929_111551.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmWBQcXv75qZb9cuPSuW3vLP2buuBqYbEbc72ufP9VdQdQ/IMG_20180929_111551.jpg)</center><sub>Delicious!</sub>

Ah, so I could salvage the the situation. A happy ending is always the best ending, right?

After the cake cooled down a bit, I opened the fridge to cool it down completely. And as I put it down, I saw ...

... the butter.

Which I had put back in the fridge after the first failed attempt.

Which I hadn't taken out again.

Which was now missing from the chocolate filling.

The filling that was hardening suspiciously fast.

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

👍 reggaemuffin, abigail-dantes, thecryptodrive, techslut, kamikaze, ew-and-patterns, lemony-cricket, cryptomancer, team, literaturkritik, scienceangel, bachuslib, wildtrader, kex, simba, egotheist, didic, legato, apsu, bubbleburst, glitterbooster, robofox, fieryfootprints, pierlave, tonygreene113, wstanley226, lukasmining, soundworks, upgoat, thomasgift, steemitbuzz, societyengineer, earisu, council, juanmanuellopez1, createm0de, miyata1987, lemcriq, andersppm, linkerstinker, filipino, resheep, funlands, timemaster, thetroublenotes, gabrick3, anthive, jchappe, alokkumar121, leysonrye0724, arsadulislam, upcroak, cryptorunway, samlee2018, sharinglife, adrenalinewings, espoem, badham, funbox, dmonia, someonefun, funanime, thefunfactory, dodrorth, and 10 others

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@council · Sep 29 '18

fossbot voter comment

I upvoted your post. 

Best regards,
@Council

Posted using https://Steeming.com condenser site.

👎 suesa

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@suesa · Sep 29 '18 (edited)

I thought @yehey took me off the spam  list -.-

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@egotheist · Sep 29 '18

>OH FOR FUCK'S CAKE!

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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@suesa · Sep 29 '18

Please don't fuck the cake

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@egotheist · Sep 29 '18

Sometimes I just have these urges I cannot control.

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4 replies

@juanmanuellopez1 · Sep 29 '18

$0.06

<div class="text-justify">
<p>It always happens to us that there is something we want to do well and everything conspires to make the opposite happen ... Hahaha!</p></div>
<div class="text-justify">
<p>At least you had a cake this year for your birthday, I hope you had a happy birthday. The end caused a lot of laughter.</p></div>

><div class="text-justify">
<p>OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!</p></div>

LOL! Hahaha!

👍 suesa

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@suesa · Sep 30 '18

The party was great! And it was honestly not noticeable that the butter was missing. That surprised me.

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@nayibe · Sep 29 '18

$0.04

Try doing it for someone else. That if, take a good time and without tensions in the mind, it is more you will not say that you will prepare it simply if it is to your liking you take it otherwise ignores the matter and it served as practice.

👍 suesa

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@suesa · Sep 29 '18

$0.02

Sounds reasonable.

Too reasonable.

The cake sent you, didn't it?

👍 milky-concrete, nayibe

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@nayibe · Oct 5 '18

LOL

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@scienceangel · Sep 29 '18

$0.03

At least it's a diet cake now :)

👍 suesa

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@suesa · Sep 29 '18

$0.04

LOL

The dough still contains a lot of butter and white flour, and the cream in the filling isn't exactly healthy xD All we saved was roughly .... oh wow, 560 kcal.

I do not want to know how many kcal this cake has total.

I do not.

👍 scienceangel

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scienceangel	0 B		22,501,693,988	100%

@scienceangel · Sep 29 '18

You DO want to make a cake, right? Otherwise, you can always serve a 100% healthy, zero kcal alternative to your guests:
![Picture1.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmRy91vvAcsWfscWwP6x5VQFgSKn38Mj9Lqjh34QoMSG2V/Picture1.jpg)

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2 replies

@sco · Sep 29 '18

$0.03

Hahahaha. Death by hard chocolate, then?

👍 suesa

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suesa	0 B		23,566,123,422	10%

@suesa · Sep 29 '18

._.

Death by insulting the cake

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@sco · Sep 29 '18

I insult what I wöasjfghgoakshsdjashfakfjassaaaaaarrrrrrrrr

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1 reply

@societyengineer · Sep 29 '18

Haha It is funny in one way, but I am still sorry for you :)

👍 suesa-random

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suesa-random	0 B		8,297,294,755	100%

@suesa-random · Sep 29 '18

I do indeed see the humor in this but man, am I just _done_ with the world

properties (22)