It is is no news to people that I find my wife gorgeous and she is far out of my league in many, many ways but, don't tell her that please. This photo was taken in Milan on our honeymoon a few years ago and despite her looking pretty bored and the shot having been taken from the position of a stalker while she was unaware, we did have a great time there on holiday. 

https://i.imgur.com/twnvc8Z.jpg

We actually secretly eloped and no one knew we were married until they received a wedding photo in the mail, there was a mixed response because people were happy for us but, they also would have liked to be at a wedding. We don't really live our lives based on other people's expectations of us, me less than her, much to the annoyance of in-laws at times. 

The other day in a post I mentioned about putting oneself into environments where there is the possibility of doors opening that lead to where one wants to go and, I think this is how I discovered my wife. I curated her :) I know that isn't the best way to put it, but it is a decent visual for the process in many ways. 

If you love art - go to art galleries, if you enjoy the forest - go hiking. Put yourself into environments where you are surrounded by what you enjoy or, what you are looking for. I met my wife on the dance floor and despite me being a 6 at best both as a looker and a dancer, it is a place I enjoy and, a place where there are the types of people I enjoy also. Beautiful women who can dance. Once in the environment, it is just a matter of finding and connecting, and dancing is a brilliant way to get to know someone and the dance communities are filled with a tight knit group of all kinds of people, from all kinds of backgrounds.

It is in this dynamic that the beauty of randomness is found, and that random brings situations and options one might not necessarily expect to find. I can't describe to you well the moment I saw my wife on the dance floor and I definitely can't explain the second I held her hand when she gripped back and we *both knew.* I is impossible with words. 

Of course, she is much more than a beautiful woman who can dance, she is more than my equal in so many ways and she is hands down the best mother a child could wish for. She might not be very patient with me, but with our daughter she is like like a stoic of old. We have our issues like any couple though, there is no such thing as perfect and I am far from an easy person to live with so, there is that. 

The randomness of our chance encounters is decreasing in many ways as we spend more time behind screens that are feeding us algorithms based on our search choices and behavior. I wonder whether any of the algorithms would have put my wife and I together though. If we were swiping to find a date while I would choose her, would she have chosen me? Why would a 10 settle for a 6 when there are other 10s to choose from?

Essentially when people are using an app like Tinder they are basing their swipes on arbitrary features of a person that rarely have anything to do with what they are actually after. Poor curation. Of course, a one night stand might not matter for quality of personality, but the chances of actually finding real matches is very, very low as the pool is much too large to discover what actually suits, what one really enjoys. The real world approach of getting surrounded by what we enjoy not only offers a much narrower pool of suitability, it allows for random interactions where it is possible that unexpected wants and needs come up and, *a 10 can choose a 6.* How old fashioned.

This isn't just for love relationships, it is for everything in this life, all kinds of relationships and opportunities arise when we put ourselves into situations where unexpected can happen, where based on new information we are introduced to what we had never previously considered. Sitting behind screens being fed content limits the introduction of random and therefore, potential also as well as reduces our opportunity to discover things about ourselves that change our opinions and behaviors. 

It is interesting as we get the sense that we are having more options opened up to us through the amount of information available, but our experience range actually decreases drastically for the most part as we generally do less and get out less. We are provided a false sense of experience and often it is delivered with filler content that makes us feel we are getting what we want while not actually providing it. Hijacked hard wiring, but that is another post. 
 
There is nothing wrong with spending time glued to screens until it limits experiences that we actually value and takes away quality of life we require to feel that this life we live is worth living. It might not be a relationship with a person that is lacking, it could be the relationship with nature or a skill that is looking to be fulfilled. For me, dancing was something I love and enjoy learning more of and being surrounded by people wanting to do the same is empowering and encouraging. The environment allowed for both learning and love and a combination of them both. 

And in my opinion, they are two things worth living for.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

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