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Due to scheduling and travel needs, after dropping Smallsteps to school and my wife to her work, I am killing four hours of my day at a café, reading a bit, listening a bit, and now writing a bit. It was early when I arrived and there were very few people here, so it was quiet. Now it is a little later, it is slightly busier and noisier, so I put in some earbuds and am listening to waves so that I can better concentrate on writing. However, normally I don't do this, because I want to expose myself to my surroundings, even if they are not ideal.

> In a digital world, I am trying to increasingly be analogue. 

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23wMf7CisFy465kMzRHgsM54YmVq9F3tNEuXXXgxL28BoVHKMX7Rf1CQggTpiRdf3c1J3.png)

Last night I was writing about building resilience by increasing exposure to emotional discomfort and @aussieninja asked a pertinent question. 

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23tbKBL7wnqkU1amQbn9EP3CDAKtPND2LxXgq6LxU2s4FArnNsSxuXSNY1VtcjkbV49Tf.png)

Often when I write about various physical, emotional or psychological aspects of society I observe or think about, I don't provide much guidance as to how to improve it at the personal level *for others.*  While I do give insight into my own methods and experiences, I believe that each of us needs to discover much of what works for ourselves, even if it is the same as what others are doing. Yes, we can learn from others, but I think being the one to instigate the self-discovery rather than being told a technique has additional advantages. 

Firstly, self-discovery is more likely to be onboarded into behaviour than being told, because it is a conscious choice to invest in the process. Secondly, discovery of something useful makes us feel better about it, it makes it ours. And thirdly, it also gives us the space to adapt to our own needs, and build the skills to *keep discovering.* If we are constantly relying on outside sources to tell us what to do, we don't learn how to do as well for ourselves. It is a bit like how reliance on a GPS navigator to give directions gets us to where we are going, but we can't get there again without the navigator. Not only that, it takes us to the destination, but we have less opportunity to "get lost" and discover new things for ourselves. We focus on the direction, not the surroundings. 

My response to Aussie's question is not all encompassing as a solution, but it is a good place to start building emotional resilience to discomfort. Essentially, we just need to open ourselves up to more of the real world, rather than look to avoid it. For instance, right now instead of having earbuds in and listening to waves, I could take them out and deal with more of the noise, more of the distraction that interrupts and takes me away from my thoughts. It would be far less efficient for my writing process, but it would also "force" me to be more present, and becoming more aware of my environment and my place within it. 

When I look around the café, there is only one person who is not staring at a screen, no matter the age. There are small groups of people I have watched who are sitting together, but have barely spoken to one another in the last hour. These days, we are so attached to the screen, that we get anxiety (discomfort) to be away from it, with most reporting some kind of stress if they go to the toilet, and forget to take their phone with them. 

> Did that happen when we had phones like in the image above?

Young people (even friends of mine) report feeling high levels of anxiety if their phone rings, and often will not answer it, preferring to use text messaging instead. It is because of situations like this that emotional resilience needs to be developed, but also why it has to be done slowly. We have been conditioned into this strange mental state, where we feel competent with our skills and knowledge, even though the environmental feedback is telling us something else. We aren't getting healthier, nor smarter, we are degrading, sliding backwards - yet we are more confident in ourselves. 

If we are going to improve our condition, we need to start off light, similar to someone who is going to begin exercising at a gym for the first time, or after an extended break. we want to expose ourselves to stress, but at a manageable level. But, that level has to be high enough that it is going to be uncomfortable enough for us to build the muscles to increase the load again and again. When we lift heavy enough weights, and do enough repetitions, we *grow.* Stress isn't bad, it is generative. 

> Too much stress of course is indeed bad. But not enough stress *might be worse.* 

Using the analogy of exercise, if we go to the gym and keep increasing the weights, we will grow in strength. If we want to maintain our level, we don't have to change much, but we have to be consistent. However, if we stop going to the gym and take on a sedentary lifestyle, we will shrink - w will become weaker. It is the same with emotional and mental development. For example, a study on London cab drivers found that they had a larger than normal hippocampus, which aided them when navigating the streets. However, after retiring, the hippocampus shrunk. 

> Use it or lose it. 

But it should also be remembered that *never training it, meaning never having it.* We take a lot of the way we are for granted, as if it has been with us forever and we are entitled to holding a range of skills. But, as a soft-skills trainer from time to time, it is worth considering that many of the skills that seem innate in people, have actually been developed through experience. It might not have been intentionally trained, but good habits and bad habits involve the same processes - though it is easier to build bad habits because we favour the immediate reward over the long-term growth. 

While there is a lot of volatility in the economy and geopolitical situation, a lot of the world is very predictable. We have cut out a lot of the random interaction we would have had earlier by having everything we want on-demand. We have insulated ourselves from the outside world, and we have also insulated ourselves from our inside world. When we do have to venture out into the open environment, we close ourselves off behind a screen at a café, or on the bus. When we are alone, we avoid our own thoughts by turning on some music, reading some news, or watching a movie. We are unaccustomed to speaking with strangers, and we are unaccustomed to speaking with that voice in our head. 

As said, it isn't hard to start a change process, it just takes a little desire and some will to stop avoiding life. Get out from behind the screen, and start having actual conversations with people. Make a call instead of sending a text or email. sit in the café and watch people, rather than put on the earbuds and stare at a screen - as I am doing now. These things might seem insignificant, but they are like going to the gym for the first time and stretching a little, working out how the machines are used, and trying, even though it isn't a workout that will make a physical difference. But, that is the start and some things needn't be rushed.

We have learned to have a "have it now" mentality, where if we want to change, we also want to see the results immediately. But, it has taken us a long time to get into this poor condition, and it is going to take some time to get out of it again. It might take years for a young person who considers themselves a digital native to break the addictive conditioning they have learned to identify with, but if their own wellbeing is important to them, they will take the journey. For the older who remember an analogue life, it is still going to take time to reawaken what was so natural earlier. It isn't like riding a bike, but there is muscle memory, or emotional memory to speed the process. 

Of course, no one need agree with me and there is no obligation to change anything in your life at all. But as I watch the people staring at their screens, there is not a single smile, just a zombie-kike expression of boredom, with nothing better to do. It is like they are in that mindless channel surfing state that is now unknown, because people watch what is suggested on demand. They don't need to be very interested, as long as it gives them an escape from being uncomfortable. 

Now it is my time to log off, and go for a walk. 
Perhaps I will discover something unexpected.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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