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He who laughs lost by tarazkp

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· @tarazkp ·
$75.34
He who laughs lost
<div class="text-justify">


I got asked an interesting question today from my supervisor:

### Has my condition affected my humor?

*Yes.*

Weirdly, they weren't asking in the hope my humor has improved, it was more that they actually finds me funny apparently. What was also strange, is that this question came up in a triage meeting between myself, supervisor and workplace doctor, which is organized to help support the transition back into work, something that can be very difficult in many ways. 

I am lucky in this area thankfully, as the company I am working for has given me the support, space and the promise of time - but it was good that my supervisor heard it from the doctor too, as well as the reminder that recovery is counted in months, not weeks. It is hard for people to really understand that while I am relatively normal in casual conversation, I am on mental crutches when dealing in more complex tasks. This can make it feel like I am shirking work, which hasn't been a problem so far, but in a couple months from now?

![IMG_20210814_170829 (1).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23yTUDcRLBY13Ls8t56kSXY8s851zZjsfdQih2cmVmxFSdaoFddrCgAQ2t4AJVbo4V8iT.jpg)

So, back to the humor. 

It has affected me in quite a profound way, as before I was able to interject smartass comments that are *borderline* inappropriate with ease, walking the fine line between what is acceptable and what is not - making people laugh, but then catching themselves and feeling a bit uncomfortable about having laughed. 

Now though, I find it far harder to hear the cues, generate a response and deliver it in a timely manner, so it doesn't flow as it should. And in regards to humor, *timing is everything,* which means that I end up holding my words back where prior, I would have had no qualms in releasing them into the wild, come what may. 

Normally, I don't have to think too much about the consequences of what I say in the office office, because I was naturally able to walk that edge, but now it worries me a little that I will cross over and fall into the abyss of bad taste and poor social skill that shifts from funny to just rude. Some people seem to think that rude is funny, but anyone can be vulgar, it doesn't take intelligence.

There is a grace in humor that is able to soften the worst blows life delivers and make people feel better about their predicaments faced, not worse. Humor allows us to turn our perspective on hardship, disconnect and laugh at it, giving us the space and energy to move on with other tasks, rather than be consumed. There is an immense difference between laughing about someone's ailment and being mean, something that a lot of people online who troll do not understand - they look to inflict pain and the laughter is one-sided, with those enjoying the show sadists via proxy - *Schadenfeude.*

I don't take pleasure in watching people get humiliated, unless they are the people who intentionally try to humiliate others and then they complain about the way they are being treated. There are quite a few of those types here who think they are clever because a small group of people clap them on the back and spur them on. It is always interesting to note that the people like this who claim it is innocent fun, are invariably anonymous. 

But, I think the reason that my supervisor asks about this is that in our team, we have an eclectic range of people skills and personalities and to wrangle them together takes a fair amount of social glue. I am not the most technically skilled in the team, but when it comes to developing the atmosphere, lightening moods or shifting toward more important topics, I have excelled using humor to indirectly change course. This has high team value, as well as a big part of the reason that I tend to be a pretty decent trainer, regardless of lacking technical skills. 

What I found interesting about the enquiry personally, is prior to being asked, I hadn't thought much about it, other than noticing the technical difficulties I was having with it. I hadn't thought how my "lack of humor" is affecting other people and that in my week back with limited exposure, it had already been noted as a potential pain-point.

As I have said many times about building an account on Hive, *personality matters* and it is no different in my workplace. When I was hired, I was hired primarily for my personality and training ability, with my limited technical skills and knowledge being a non-issue as they can be learned. Personality however is very hard to change significantly and authentically - though a stroke makes it easier. 

What is "funny" is that I have no idea what *is funny* and that is probably why it ends up being humorous in the first place, as it is natural and based on circumstances of the moment, making it personal for all involved.

*I guess you had to be there.* 

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]



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πŸ‘  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 540 others
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vote details (604)
@anyboadas ·
People with brain injuries tend to present emotional changes, which not only affect them directly, but also their families. In addition, it also has repercussions at work because mood swings, irritability, anger, tiredness, frustration, feelings of injustice, among others, affect work performance, but these are issues that tend to improve in the long term. As you mention in the text in months or maybe a year, it is just a matter of patience and calm. 

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@babsgirl ·
To me, change is constant.  Many things can effect change. 
We change base on the environment we find ourselves and the people we interact with.

A typical example of a newly employed person in a company who have little or no experience on the kind of job description, he have to undergo a learning process to enable him become good in that aspect. 

Another is dealing with people with different lifestyle. Example of a place like Lagos. If you are the slow type, you will find it difficult to survive in a place like that.  
As such, you have to change to be more vibrant if possible hostile just to fit in with the life style.



---

<center><sub>Posted via [proofofbrain.io](https://www.proofofbrain.io/@babsgirl/qygkia)</sub></center>
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@bashadow ·
It seems your boss may be concerned because not only have you, (possibly temporarily), lost a tool for situational awareness, but so has your boss in that you could redirect with out much notice the conversation back on track in meetings. It is not something that is easy to replace.

I've had to attend a lot of meetings before and the subtle turn back to the conversation and topic at hand is a lot better than hearing *"Okay---people, enough...lets get back on track"* from the person running the meeting.

Humor can be a very tricky thing, something I myself am not very good at in groups, but I always appreciated the funny side of people.
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@bruno-kema ·
You have gone through a lot in so little time. I just want to remind you to take things easy and try not to stress yourself too much. A relaxed mind and body heals better and faster.
As they say in my country, "drink good water and  don't forget to breath."
Best wishes man✌
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@cristina-zac ·
$0.35
I think that the general psychological state of a person is what imposes on him whether he is a humorist or has a high sense of humor or not
When I'm in a good mood, I find myself more cheerful and more accepting of others
On the contrary, when I am depressed and try to be feigned



---

<center><sub>Posted via [proofofbrain.io](https://www.proofofbrain.io/@cristina-zac/qyayqz)</sub></center>
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vote details (1)
@tarazkp ·
Do you bring others down when you are depressed, or do you find ways to not affect them or use it to your advantage? When I am "depressed" I tend to focus more intently on my work.  
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@ecency ·
Your content has been **voted** as a part of [Encouragement program](https://ecency.com/ecency/@good-karma/encouragement-program-continues-82eafcd10a299). Keep up the good work! <br><br>Use Ecency daily to boost your growth on platform! <br><br><b>Support Ecency</b><br>[Vote for Proposal](https://hivesigner.com/sign/update-proposal-votes?proposal_ids=%5B141%5D&approve=true)<br>[Delegate HP and earn more](https://ecency.com/hive-125125/@ecency/daily-100-curation-rewards)
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@empress-eremmy ·
Try not to take their words too personal, many of them talk from a place of plain ignorance. Perhaps this will make people reveal their true nature, so you can select those who are worth your time easier.
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@florangely ·
$0.34
Thank you for sharing your experience and best wishes
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vote details (1)
@tarazkp ·
Thanks :)
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@gangstalking ·
Electronic-terrorism, voice to skull and neuro monitoring on Hive and Steem. You can ignore this, but your going to wish you didnt soon. This is happening whether you believe it or not. https://ecency.com/fyrstikken/@fairandbalanced/i-am-the-only-motherfucker-on-the-internet-pointing-to-a-direct-source-for-voice-to-skull-electronic-terrorism
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vote details (1)
@gurug14 ·
Nyc sir
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@iodacasamia ·
$0.35
who knows what gangstalking thinks about it..
oh he has already made a comment
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vote details (1)
@tarazkp ·
:D

The most active engager on Hive!
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@joanstewart ·
$0.35
Much change in a short space of time, not to worry, question but don't ponder too much people do understand knocks like this in life take their toll.

Keep well and yes the humour will return!
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πŸ‘Ž  
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vote details (2)
@tarazkp ·
It is interesting to note all of the little changes that add up to have quite large effects on experience - compound interest at work :)
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@joanstewart ·
Small change makes people uncomfortable to address, being a trainer makes it more difficult, work associates cannot fathom out how to address situation. 

In time you will find your feet once again, experience counts, it is like riding a bicycle, it will all slowly fall back into place, perhaps a few minor adjustments. 
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@lina86 ·
$0.35
I remember when I worked in a company, once I was sad and tired, I do not remember what had me a little depressed and there was a co-worker who was so jocular that his way of being cheered us all up, I remember that day we laughed so much that to this day I do not remember what had me sad but I remember how he made us all change our moods, he was the social glue of our department, impossible to get home without laughing. He laughed at me with the others for things he did or made up but I never felt offended or humiliated. We still keep in touch.
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@tarazkp ·
>he was the social glue of our department

It reminds me of an old work place. I worked for a small, family-operated business where the owners were hands on. One of the office staff left for a new job, the first key person to leave the company, and they treated her really badly. She was the social glue and well liked by other key people and - it was all downhill from there. 
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@lina86 ·
Companies always make it clear that people are replaceable, but they do not measure the impact that this will have on the production of the personnel.

It is clear that "social glue" is very important. And as much as we all want to be one, we can't because charisma and that peculiar personality is something we are born with.

Interesting how I never stopped to think about this. Thanks for highlighting it.
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@looftee ·
$0.35
Growing up, I always had a feeling that I was not smart enough. Being a bit of introvert didn't help much.

I read a lot on how to improve myself. Books, blogs, videos, courses etc. Not just in self improvement, but in business, writing, technical skills etc.

Internet is full of advise on how to improve yourself in a specific area. Even after all of that advise, I think behavior is something you cannot change easily.

Because it's not like math that there is particular formula, or coding, that there is a particular sequence.

It takes years to change your behavior, and all your life experience and your current habits to build up your personality.

At times, I can act like quite an extrovert, be social easily. But there are bits of past behavior inside me. Maybe those pieces will be in me forever.

I don't know much about brain injuries, but I am sure what you were before, is still there inside you. And will be there forever.

BTW, I find your brother way too hilarious. Sometimes I laugh way too much reading his commentsπŸ˜‚

I am sure humor runs in the familyπŸ˜„
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@tarazkp ·
>Even after all of that advise, I think behavior is something you cannot change easily.

It is hard. It is made harder when we identify what we do as who we are, as then change becomes losing ourselves. 

>It takes years to change your behavior, and all your life experience and your current habits to build up your personality.

Or some kind of cataclysmic event. 

>BTW, I find your brother way too hilarious. Sometimes I laugh way too much reading his comments

For someone that hates clowns - he is a bit of one. 🀑 
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@malopie ·
$0.35
People that live the mood in gathering are real assets.

Everyone is being serious  and the person throws in some humour and the atmosphere is lightened up.



---

<center><sub>Posted via [proofofbrain.io](https://www.proofofbrain.io/@malopie/qyathr)</sub></center>
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@tarazkp ·
I don't know if it was always this way, but I have learned to take this role pretty effectively. I don't like the spotlight at all, but I don't mind operating one. :)
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@malopie ·
The spotlight comes but only lasts for a while.
You should savour the moment.



---

<center><sub>Posted via [proofofbrain.io](https://www.proofofbrain.io/@malopie/qyba0z)</sub></center>
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@my-musings ·
> There is a grace in humor that is able to soften the worst blows life delivers and make people feel better about their predicaments faced, not worse. Humor allows us to turn our perspective on hardship, disconnect and laugh at it, giving us the space and energy to move on with other tasks, rather than be consumed. 

Couldn't agree more with your sentiments!

>There is an immense difference between laughing about someone's ailment and being mean, something that a lot of people online who troll do not understand - they look to inflict pain and the laughter is one-sided, with those enjoying the show sadists via proxy - Schadenfeude.

The internet has done much good to humanity in giving us all an equal platform from where we can be heard, the problem with sadists though is I think they, the fact that they think they are too important or superior beings than the people they are trolling and making fun of, those who pat their backs continue to enable their bad habits, to them there is nothing wrong with their actions.

But despite shows of grandiose, no one really gets away with it, there will come a time they will be at the receiving end, and they will get a chance to experience worse pain than that they inflicted on others! 
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@nathen007 ·
$0.35
Brain injuries can cause both profound and/or subtle changes in people. It has been reported that some have even changed their voice and started speaking with an American accent! That could potentially be a source of humor or even a source of humour...
In all seriousness, small steps and best wishes. 
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@tarazkp ·
> It has been reported that some have even changed their voice and started speaking with an American accent! 

I was hoping that all the latent Finnish I have learned would surface and I would be fluent. No luck. 

On a side note: Speaking with an American accent generates fat. 

>In all seriousness, small steps and best wishes.

Cheers :)
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@papilloncharity ·
$0.35
I live for humor my friend and the aim of my "chirps" are always aimed at soliciting a smile. A great help is that I can also laugh at myself. If I lose this then I don't know how I would cope with all of the nastiness around. 

You just keep on going soldier and we know that you will win the battle in the end.

πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@tarazkp ·
My humor can be pretty dark at times - but it is there :)
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@papilloncharity ·
Dark or Light, humor is humor in my book, as long as it doesn't hurt.
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@videoaddiction ·
Perhaps, being on HIVE much more than before during this period has advanced your sense of humor. I think your co-workers know English well so that they can understand your humor.
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