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It is Father's Day here today - another useless day that doesn't need to exist but does to the point, it is even a public holiday. I don't know who decides what days are considered public holidays, but I think that *this shouldn't count.* Not that it matters, as in Finland, the alcohol shops are closed on Sunday's anyway, not just on public holidays. 

And speaking of alcohol...

My wife bought me a random pack (she leaves these things as an after thought) of "care products" from a local men's salon company, and it had this in it. 

![IMG_20221113_103642.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/242hYakxGcGrkBpC6rt8jSGBDYAzoHyt8mrRok4hvzC6yox7KsFn7HPbMNauhQGEAwEcJ.jpg)

Sue, I like the name, but I wonder what can possibly be the benefit of a face *and* beard spray. It seems to me that skin and hair are probably different enough to warrant two separate compounds. Most women's products (necessary or not) are differentiated not only down to the smallest of body parts, but also then further segmented on for example, the type of skin or hair. For men though,

>Just slather this tub of glop all over your face, body and head, and you are good to go.

And apparently, god smells like 

>Whiskey and vanilla.

Which I think is indicative of my wife's lack of forethought into this gift, since her ex was a high-functioning alcoholic and she doesn't like the smell of alcohol. But I also think that this is what these "present days" represent, some kind of social obligation to get something, even if that something is not thoughtful.

As I said to my wife yesterday, if she hasn't got me something already, don't get me anything at all. 

>She didn't listen. 

A cooked breakfast and a cup of coffee would have been plenty.  

![IMG_20221113_101243.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23w2sicUHomQxxV4GYgCvjWSdMguWLKCwYCNLAQymoXevwep226ECJMAozsF87kys3mDR.jpg)

Do I sound ungrateful? 

*Yes.*

But at the same time, I think that this is something that should be talked about, because if it isn't, it keeps happening and the "appreciation" is inauthentic. I believe that everyone appreciates a thoughtful gift, but very few appreciate a gift bought out of obligation without thought, and that is what so many of these "day" gifts seem to have become - 

>Filler gifts. 

There is the "be grateful you got anything" mindset, but I also think that this is one of the driving forces that encourage thoughtless gifts, where the "getting anything at all" becomes enough of a thought - a very low bar. 

It shouldn't be about amount money spent, not spent or wasted - for me at least, it is about putting the thought into getting, making or doing something that shows that care was put into the selection, that the person who the gift is for, was considered in the getting of the gift. Or at least, there is something that the person giving the gift, really wants for the receiver. 

![IMG_20221113_100502.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23xATNb8SfgtRtXj1EamP73nnvCoP3LegST12yMXcGsT9Qsj5uxdUSEUF4UbB86uqLmyU.jpg)

However, there was breakfast and *this is highly appreciated* by someone who rarely has more than a cold coffee left over from yesterday's pot in the morning. Even though I am quite capable of looking after myself, it is also nice to feel looked after from time to time too, to feel like someone cares enough to go a little out of their way to do something valued for another person. 

>It doesn't have to be much.

And of course, it is nice that when these things are done, they are acknowledged, that they are openly and *authentically* appreciated, because they are unrequired, but still thoughtful. When the gift is given out of duty, the appreciation is given out of duty too, making both sides of the coin inauthentic and therefore, holding little value, no matter how much has been spent. 

>A gift given out of love, will be received out of love.

*A gift given out of obligation....*

Gift giving aside, it was a nice morning overall and Smallsteps made me a gift at preschool from painted popsticks fashioned into a frame for a laminated picture of her in the forest. She also wrote me a card. But the best thing was the other day when some time after having an argument with her over some things, we were talking about it and she said,

"You are the perfect Daddy for me."

And it was *authentic.*

That can't be bought.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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