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There are often topics that come up in the [Reflections community](https://peakd.com/c/hive-126152/created) that I find interesting. And as most of you know, "interesting" is a word I use often, because there are so many things that I find worth spending a little thought power on, even if they might seem insignificant to others. I am an observer either by nature or nurture, but that seems to be my lot in life, so I have accepted it from a young age. But I am more of a practical observer, which means I am looking for things that matter in the way we interact with each other, the impacts we make, and what it might mean in the future, at the micro or macro level. To be a practical observer, I think one has to be curious enough to explore.

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23xVeHSiDM5kbRDvitykQ6B7kn1MghP6XSL9wc3rnHkPkQ6fezUNgrxw63BAXZftyYk7R.png)

The article that caught my attention a little while ago was titled with a question ["Can an extrovert transform an introvert?"](https://peakd.com/hive-126152/@steemflow/can-an-extrovert-transform-an-introvert-jsx) by @steemflow, where he explores his interactions with a friend. In it, he ponders how an extrovert might behave and the influence it may have on an introvert, like himself.

Firstly, while it is not a popular opinion, I don't think there are actually introverts and extroverts per se, rather that it is on a spectrum that is influenced by circumstance. Some people are very introverted in one arena, but change the game and they can switch to being extroverted - and vice verso. There are likely extremes at both end that don't move much along the gradient, but I haven't met too many of the very extreme in my life.

As said, I am an observer, which often puts me in the "introvert" category, but those that know me in real life, will often peg me as an extrovert, because I like to talk to people and can be very social. However, this isn't actually my natural position and instead goes back to that word I use so often, *interesting.* Because I am curious and looking for practical implications, there is only so much that can be learned passively, whether from books or from observation. At some point, even if it is just to speed up the process, interaction is required and that interaction has to take the form that facilitates a natural conversation, otherwise, nothing practical is going to be learned.

When I  consider this, I look back and believe that I have actively improved my communication and interpersonal skills in order to *appear* what people would think is extroverted. I reckon I can even identify that this happened during university, where I was surrounded by and forced to interact with a lot of strangers. Prior to this, I was the kid who would get stressed for days if I was going to have to deliver a book report in front of the class. I would stand up there with my notes, shaking to the point the paper rustled, like in a movie.

Even now, I don't like talking about myself, but I do so on Hive because this is a place where I reflect on my observations and experience - It isn't a place where I am giving a book report. And yes, it is still uncomfortable, but it is also what I do in the physical world, because it is about *interaction* with others - the conversation. 

> Funny side note: 500 years ago, "conversation" was a synonym for sexual intercourse, so criminal conversation was the term used to describe *adultery.* 

The prefix "con" means together, with. And when it comes to positive and healthy interaction, there is a trade. @steemflow noted that he ends up somewhat tuning out while the other keeps talking, but that might be less indicative of an extrovert, and more telling of a narcissist. Because, while actively talking is one part of the skill, the other side of the coin is active listening. If the conversation is always one sided, neither are playing their part well. 

The observation side of things made me a pretty decent ear for many people, but what I realised is that in order to really both add value and get value, I would have to learn more of the other side of the coin too, so that I could actively participate. An example where I have failed to do this, is in Finnish - because while I can often speak and get my point across, my listening skills aren't always high enough to understand the replies, even if they are spoken at the same level I speak. 

> Speaking and Listening are two different skills.

And, introverts aren't automatically good listeners just because they are quiet either. In my experience at least, many introverts are not curious enough in anything outside of their world in order to be interested enough in other people to listen. If it isn't in their interest area, they tune it out and perhaps do like @steemflow with the "yes and no" answers. 

I am not smart enough to be book smart, so I have had to adapt to being interactively smart, with "smart" being not that bright, but also not that dull. Still, what it means is that I have learned to be a potential social butterfly and go from group to group, regardless of background or topic. Not because I know about so much, but because I am curious and open enough to engage people, and ask questions - and of course, to take interest in listening to the replies in order to dig deeper. But to do this at depth, it also requires a trade of my own insight and experience, so being able to talk with people and not just listen, is also necessary. 

I think there is more nuance to "introvert and extrovert" than those terms are given by most. They are almost catch phrases that have lost their meaning, as people have started to identify with a narrow aspect of it that they like, but avoiding the bits that they don't. Like an introvert can be "introspective" in a good way, but that can also cause them to ignore the needs of others - yet most introverts won't want to admit to being so *insensitive.* Similarly, someone who identifies as an extrovert might not want to acknowledge that they may need the validation of others - that they might just be attention seekers. Or worse, narcissists. 

But as said, it is interesting to consider, because I think that regardless of how people identify, there is the reality of their behaviours. If how we behave isn't supporting our values, we might want to take a step back and consider if we need to learn something else to support us, like what is on the other side of the coin. 

And yes, I do think an extrovert can influence an introvert and vice versa, but I am not sure if it is transformative. However, perhaps through interaction and experience, each can trade and learn from the other to shore up weaknesses and build on strengths, to each be better together.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]



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