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Out in Flames by tarazkp

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· @tarazkp ·
$35.06
Out in Flames
<div class="text-justify">

>Today is one of those days.

Not a bad day, nor a good day. Just a day. But for some reason, I feel disconnected, somehow confused. I don't have a fever, but it kind of feels like I do. I am not sure why I feel this way today. If there was ever a time to use the word, "discombobulated", this is it. I was telling a doctor on Monday that I am just falling apart. A lost cause. She didn't disagree. 

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23z7Z7Dm2JHYmqxsoeUHZf5ywoPR45FLmM1X53raFVJ1pozE36R34rtncijzB8Vy85E12.png)

> But I am determined to put out the fire.

*Or start one.*

I am not sure what needs to happen, but this is the beauty of writing, because it helps sort things out in the head, even if those thoughts don't spill onto the page. I should have started much earlier in the day, but I decided to clean some of the tasks off my list instead. Probably not a good decision, but the office is in far better order, and the bathroom showerhead (one of those big "rain" types) has been descaled. I guess those are something. 

I have these moments from time to time and I like to imagine that it is my brain rewiring itself after the stroke, and afterward, I will have regained or improved in some ability. However, I think the reverse is true, and it is more likely a thought hitting up against the wall of dead brain matter, and not knowing what to do next, like a line of marching ants, meeting an unexpected stick across their path, and they start wandering around, lost.

> Ants are silly. 

I am sillier. Ants are just doing what they do, likely without much thought at all, just working on instinct. I should be better than them at recognising the stick, and then having  a strategy of how to remove, go over, under, or around it, without much trouble. Yet, here I am, still trying to work out what the hell is blocking my path. 

> Be better, Taraz. Be better.

As said, writing is good for sorting this stuff out and pretty much, even if it might not be communicated to the audience, my condition at the start of an article can be quite different from the end. Often, I start off with something that is frustrating the hell out of me, but an hour and a million offshoots of thoughts later, I am in a different headspace - a different person. 

> Funny kind of, isn't it?

People say "we are our behaviours", yet our behaviours can change to extremes depending on circumstances, including those of our emotional and mental state. In one frame we can act like a proverbial angel, in another, well, the demons arise. But, while both are still us, if we look at the actions as independent events, we could claim that two different people were behaving. 

>A momentary demon, could ruin the life of an angel. 

Lately, I have been thinking about how life doesn't really care if you are a good or a bad person. Just look at the state of society at the moment and what we choose to support, and it is clear to see. Being a good person doesn't grant you anything extra in life, and as I am one of those people who doesn't believe in an afterlife, why be good? Sure, if it came with some kind of premium existence, like better health and wellbeing, it would make sense to be good - *but it doesn't.* Good people have just as bad lives as bad people - perhaps *worse.*

Just think, if a person knows they are bad and do all the "wrong" things and then get cancer, they shrug their shoulders and justify it, saying "I probably deserve it" anyway. A good person, the saint however, can't do that. Instead they have to just accept that life is shitty, or for the believers, that it is a test of some sort that gets them a better room and food in heaven.

> I'm feeling better already!

You?

When I talk about believers, I am not actually belittling them, nor do I think that they are somehow inferior, or me superior. As while I am no longer attracted to what I consider fantastical thinking, I do get it, and it brings comfort and meaning to people. It *would be nice* if more of these believers also thought that it would do their cause well to be good people, but it seems to much effort for many subscribers.

I like to think about "what if" thought experiments where something with absolute power and perfect judgement, can make something happen. In this case today, 

> *What if* the worst 50% of people disappeared tomorrow. Who would go, and who'd be left? What would happen after that? Would the survivors change the world to be a better place, with new systems of economy and distribution of resources? Or would they just replace those who disappeared, and repeat it all again. What if they knew in ten years from now, there would be another cull of the bottom 50% again?

*Two billion of the best of us left on earth.* 

>Would you make the final cut?
*Would you make the first?*

I might scrape the first, but I would have to accept I likely only have ten years left.

One of those decades.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


</div>
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@amigoponc ·
$0.31
πšƒπš‘πšŽ πš’πšπšŽπšŠ 𝚘𝚏 πšŽπš•πš’πš–πš’πš—πšŠπšπš’πš—πš πšπš‘πšŽ β€˜πš πš˜πš›πšœπšβ€™ πš‘πšŠπš•πš 𝚘𝚏 πšπš‘πšŽ πš™πš˜πš™πšžπš•πšŠπšπš’πš˜πš— πš–πšŠπš’ πšœπšŽπšŽπš– πš•πš’πš”πšŽ 𝚊 πšπš›πšŠπšœπšπš’πšŒ πšœπš˜πš•πšžπšπš’πš˜πš— 𝚝𝚘 πš’πš–πš™πš›πš˜πšŸπšŽ πšœπš˜πšŒπš’πšŽπšπš’, πš‹πšžπš πš’πš πš πš˜πšžπš•πš πš—πš˜πš πš—πšŽπšŒπšŽπšœπšœπšŠπš›πš’πš•πš’ πšœπš˜πš•πšŸπšŽ πšπš‘πšŽ πšžπš—πšπšŽπš›πš•πš’πš’πš—πš πš™πš›πš˜πš‹πš•πšŽπš–πšœ. π™·πšžπš–πšŠπš— πš—πšŠπšπšžπš›πšŽ πš’πšœ πšŒπš˜πš–πš™πš•πšŽπš‘, πšŠπš—πš πš–πš˜πš›πšŠπš•πš’πšπš’ πš’πšœ πš—πš˜πš πšŠπš— πšŠπš‹πšœπš˜πš•πšžπšπšŽ πšŸπšŠπš•πšžπšŽ. π™΄πšŸπšŽπš— πšπš‘πš˜πšœπšŽ πšŒπš˜πš—πšœπš’πšπšŽπš›πšŽπš β€˜πš‹πšŽπšπšπšŽπš›β€™ πš–πšŠπš’ πšπšŠπš•πš• πš’πš—πšπš˜ πšπšŽπšœπšπš›πšžπšŒπšπš’πšŸπšŽ πš‹πšŽπš‘πšŠπšŸπš’πš˜πšžπš› πšžπš—πšπšŽπš› πšŒπšŽπš›πšπšŠπš’πš— πšŒπš’πš›πšŒπšžπš–πšœπšπšŠπš—πšŒπšŽπšœ. πšƒπš‘πšŽ πšπš›πšžπšŽ πš’πš–πš™πš›πš˜πšŸπšŽπš–πšŽπš—πš 𝚘𝚏 πšœπš˜πšŒπš’πšŽπšπš’ πšŒπš˜πš–πšŽπšœ πšπš›πš˜πš– πšŽπšŠπšŒπš‘ πš’πš—πšπš’πšŸπš’πšπšžπšŠπš•'𝚜 πšŠπš‹πš’πš•πš’πšπš’ 𝚝𝚘 πš›πšŽπšπš•πšŽπšŒπš πš˜πš— πšπš‘πšŽπš’πš› πšŠπšŒπšπš’πš˜πš—πšœ, πš•πšŽπšŠπš›πš— πšπš›πš˜πš– πšπš‘πšŽπš’πš› πš–πš’πšœπšπšŠπš”πšŽπšœ πšŠπš—πš πšŽπš–πš™πšŠπšπš‘πš’πšœπšŽ πš πš’πšπš‘ πš˜πšπš‘πšŽπš›πšœ. π™Έπš πš’πšœ πšπš‘πš›πš˜πšžπšπš‘ πšπš‘πš’πšœ πš™πš›πš˜πšŒπšŽπšœπšœ 𝚘𝚏 πš™πšŽπš›πšœπš˜πš—πšŠπš• πšŠπš—πš πšŒπš˜πš•πš•πšŽπšŒπšπš’πšŸπšŽ πšπš›πš˜πš πšπš‘ πšπš‘πšŠπš 𝚠𝚎 πšŒπšŠπš— πšŠπšœπš™πš’πš›πšŽ 𝚝𝚘 𝚊 πš–πš˜πš›πšŽ πš“πšžπšœπš πšŠπš—πš πšŒπš˜πš–πš™πšŠπšœπšœπš’πš˜πš—πšŠπšπšŽ πš πš˜πš›πš•πš. **𝙸 πšŠπš•πšœπš˜ πšœπš˜πš–πšŽπšπš’πš–πšŽπšœ πšπšŽπšŽπš• πš•πš’πš”πšŽ πšŠπš— πšŠπš—πšβ€¦**
πŸ‘  , , , ,
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vote details (5)
@tarazkp ·
Maybe the 25% left would be pretty good at reflecting. Especially after losing the other 75%.

If possible, can you write in normal font please? I really struggle to read this, and when I try to cut and paste it, it still has the same font. 
πŸ‘  
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@bozz ·
I'd like to think I would make the first cut. I'd also hope the first cut would be enough of a wakeup call that I would make the second as well. It's hard to guess what constitutes a good person though. I used to get really upset when someone said this kid or that kid is a good kid or a bad kid. I think kids make good decisions and bad decisions, but they are just decisions. However, after working in education for over twenty years now, there are a couple bad kids.
πŸ‘  
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@chinito ·
yeah.. i sure have seen good and very bad days/weeks/months. as a bipolar person, I get to experience the highs and the lows. and yea, life doesn't seem to care whatsoever.. either way. it's up to us to decide how we're gonna live.. πŸ‘ŠπŸ˜ŽπŸ€™
πŸ‘  
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@nicolebanilad ·
$0.25
Now I am having a good read.  Truly there is power in writing and this piece proves it.  Feels a lot refreshing when what's screaming inside our heads is put into writing for others to relate to them too.  Am having a great time.  Can't wait for the next write up @tarazkp !πŸ˜‡
πŸ‘  
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@tarazkp ·
How was your day? Hopefully a little more organised than mine :)
πŸ‘  
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@nicolebanilad ·
Today was a lot good and yeah, sometimes crazy day happens πŸ˜€ and that's the time my mind screams a lot of things too 🀣🀣
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@ranajoy15 ·
Honest, relatable. Your writing is very good sir.
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@ryivhnn ·
> Probably not a good decision, but the office is in far better order, and the bathroom showerhead (one of those big "rain" types) has been descaled. I guess those are something.

Did it make you feel worse?

> People say "we are our behaviours"

They do? Sometimes I hear stuff like this and feel very out of touch.

> It would be nice if more of these believers also thought that it would do their cause well to be good people, but it seems to much effort for many subscribers.

That is such a mood.

Your thought experiment sounds horrific.

Perhaps mostly because I'm thinking of it in terms of the cull that happened in my head-universe.

I don't know the parameters to know if I would make the cut but I feel like I wouldn't make either of them x_x and more importantly don't know if people I actually like would also make the cut and would feel pretty awful if they didn't.

As for the would the survivors make a better world part, this is one of the reasons why I like living in my head-universe sometimes.  They have a raft of other problems but at least a stupid economy isn't one of them ^_^; (there was kind of a cull and the survivors did end up making a better world)
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@seattlea ·
I share your lack of "belief" but for some reason there is something internally that tells me what is right and what is wrong. I act most of the time according to that feeling and other considerations. It is easier to live with yourself when you do the things that feel right most of the time. At least that is what I found out for myself :)
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@tht ·
$0.33
Being good doesn't usually bring much to a person. Society wants people to be good, but I've rarely seen good people treated well. Good people are often seen as weak and not given much respect.

Despite all the negativity, being a good person and remaining a good person makes a person feel good.
πŸ‘  
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vote details (1)
@tarazkp ·
>Good people are often seen as weak and not given much respect.

I must be a good person after all! :D

>Despite all the negativity, being a good person and remaining a good person makes a person feel good.

*oh nooo....*

I am not sure if it makes people feel better, even if they identify as good. Suffering while watching others succeed is always hard.
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@videoaddiction ·
$0.34
Today being a good person is considered to be a sucker. 

By the way, we see how good those who believe after life are. What would happen if they didn't believe :)
πŸ‘  ,
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vote details (2)
@por500bolos ·
> What would happen if they didn't believe :)

Well, if they didn't believe... they all simply will be devoured by a Bronteroc! https://goonfleet.com/public/style_emoticons/default/emot-worship.gif

https://youtu.be/uh2BbsvrPxw

<center>https://hips.hearstapps.com/pop.h-cdn.co/assets/16/33/768x64/gallery-1471464303-littlecars-836.gif</center>
<center>**««If you appreciate what I've said, don't [upvote](https://hive.blog/denouncement/@por500bolos/brainless-downvotes-when-you-vote-against-something-without-knowing-in-favor-of-what) me, be [smarter!»»](https://donate.the-hive-mobile.app/#/donate/por500bolos)** https://ethanwiner.com/Smileys/Thumbs%20Up.gif</center>
<center>https://images.hive.blog/DQmQGNroK9CekDcLM2MBgqyLS3D4XbJ5YAstTtRQSMp2Nn6/Persecutions.gif</center>
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@tarazkp ·
>Today being a good person is considered to be a sucker.

While the wankers win.

>By the way, we see how good those who believe after life are. What would happen if they didn't believe :)

Perhaps better - because they would have to take responsibility for the consequences of their lives themselves :)
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