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>How do you know when someone is struggling?

So many claim to have empathy, yet they fail time and time again to catch and help the struggle in the people around them. I think that (without going on a "compassion over empathy" rant), that one of the problems is that the trigger to do something is the feeling, and in order to have the feeling, it requires another trigger for that feeling. But if people are too consumed in their own feelings, are they going to notice the telltale signs of struggle in others? 

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23xVgDjb7NQPHz4Cg1DSVbGAopwP79HDKrcoW8AXCuvR6aw71SCwNibEH3QeHVg1T58VJ.png)

> I don't think so.

I was talking about "beliefs" with my coach at work today, and after doing some testing, it is one the strength areas I have. This is not religious belief, though I guess it could be that, nor is it necessarily good, though I think mine is okay. But, I have strong beliefs, and they have been with me *for a long time.* It isn't that they are unchanging, but in order to change them, I need to have very good reasoning behind it. As a result, I am pretty emotionally stable long-term, even though I can be instable in the moment, like anyone.

However, talking with the coach, I first said that I think that a lot of young people "don't believe much" these days, but then immediately retracted my position, because it was incorrect. I don't actually think that they don't have strong beliefs, rather that they don't have *enduring beliefs.* They have a lot of strong beliefs that seem to be driven by the flavor of the hour and whatever is being pushed through the media at the time. And I wonder if because of this constant chopping and changing, if they are able to develop core belief systems that they adhere to, that become their consistent ethics. 

I wonder what effect this has on their ability to pay attention to those around them and see the suffering of others. For instance, there has been a lot of talk about people "being triggered" into an emotional reaction over the last decade or so, but this is concerning the self, not others. Perhaps because social relationships have less history and less intimacy, those who are suffering have two challenges, which is maybe caused by social disconnection, but also less chance of being noticed due to social disengagement. 

Maybe with the enormous and incessant stream of global attention-seeking content, there is not enough bandwidth in people to actually pay any attention locally. It is perhaps like those nationalistic campaigns to "buy local", except it is concerning where we are spending our attention with the people around us, instead going "off shore" with our value. 

I don't know if this is the case, but I find it a compelling concept, especially as I watch people interact with each other. For instance, I have been catching the bus the last few days to and from work, but most people are so absorbed in their screens during the trip, that someone could walk on naked and they wouldn't even notice. There is essentially no acknowledgement of anyone else on the bus at all, as most are so consumed with whatever is taking their attention in that moment. 

> This is natural.

Our attention is what we have to spend, and we are designed to spend it. However, what *isn't natural* is the focal point of our attention, as it has probably evolved over millennia to benefit us in some way - to keep us safe, to keep us fed, to keep us procreating - and for all three of those, it is beneficial to have people around to help us. But, to get help, we need to also give help, it is trade of value. 

> Are we making good trades?

As said, I think that a lot of people are struggling in life, but they largely go unnoticed. The excuse is that "everyone is struggling" in some way, but I believe that is because of the focus on the self, not the community. It could be a systematic problem of the way we behave, not a reflection of the conditions. Or more likely perhaps, the conditions are a reflection of our behaviors. 

I believe a lot of us are struggling in many ways. I also think that a lot of our struggles are somewhat self-inflicted, because we aren't willing to trade our attention with people who can ease our struggles and help us, because we are too busy with our noses in global problems we can't affect that much. So, we end up feeling somewhat useless, disenfranchised and looking for meaning in places we have no control, whilst we look past the situations we can actually influence.

This week, I have heard about a lot of personal struggle from people. 
But how much of it is necessary? And how much is treatable with a few life changes?


Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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