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That's what I get for trying to improve my sleeping routine - *no sleep.* I tried to go to bed a little earlier last night, but I have this thing that if I go to bed "too early" and get woken up in the first hour or two, I can't sleep again. It is like my body took a power nap and decides it is all it needs. 

So, I have spent most of the night awake, trying to fall asleep, in the hope I would get enough rest to make it through the day with some modicum of energy. I failed, but I did manage to pass a bit of time by editing these animal images in Photoshop Lightroom mobile. 

![cat (1 of 1) (2).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23t773MmCp5iyg5bWaDzKQ3XvPRqJ7pLhfSCtbhWrrV6pCvxWuXUVTxX17LiKqAEpLBoT.jpg)

Changing routines is difficult because they are just that, routines. So for example, me trying to go to bed earlier will be met with failure, because my body doesn't want to sleep at that time, as it is conditioned to be awake. Often, it is these early failures that stop us from continuing to try, as our habits try to justify why we should keep the routines, effectively saying, staying the same is natural,* because it feels normal and right. 

![PA040379 (4).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23tGXzLTX4riCd5wDWLR7LJ3iRue3X7hyZYPgGcnJ8867mjR3yrLz15eyArR2zFQRU9KN.jpg)

When we feel right, why would we change? 

This is the funny thing about habits, as they become part of our activity and since we have the sense that we "are what we do", change means losing who we are, losing part of our identity. A lot of our identity is based on arbitrary and meaningless labels, like our nationality. 

![OI001523 (1).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23swgSeigwLm31MNQXpBSLzEYW6m8Urs2XaTXpdshj6BmHpXeLcLp7u9KiGLespBQkFmV.jpg)

Let's say I am "American" and happily identify myself as such, but through some kind of political process, the name of the country changes to "xyz". Even though nothing else changes in my life or activity, I would likely feel in the early days, as if part of me has been taken away, even though it is just a label. 

As time progresses, I may start to lose the habit of identifying as American and start identifying as Xyzian instead. But even if this doesn't happen, the people born *under* the new label will identify with it, not the label that was replaced and eventually, the labels of the past are forgotten. 

![IMG_20210514_131430 (2).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23tbJtTvF5oVQkpAXh3HFUyNnPyXVAQJubCFZQWYAaiWChv5PYv6QCucJHZgBT8bieWfr.jpg)

This is habit changing too and is both personal and cultural. Many of our habitual thoughts and feelings, as well as the way we identify is through conditioning, a process that through repetition will teach us to think, act and feel in a particular way, believe particular things. We identify with these learned conditions and apply them as if they are parts of us that can't or shouldn't be changed, we make them our truth. 

![OI001457 (2).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23tkjayTiFzGk16oGfTZMfDsaGhy7tZoAUj3yDFE5ffxyfJXrtaeKnaydDTgSFhnKByHP.jpg)

For example, I have known many racists in my life who identify that they are superior, as  they were raised to believe that those other than their skin color are inferior. The same people also felt inferior when people were better than them at things they found important. 

For example, based on my skin color some people believed I was inferior to them, but me being very good at sports meant they also felt inferior to me. This set them up for conflict, an identity crisis. 



![OI001480 (2).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23tkhyTC4FgNhrZX1iGvL86GqW2i9BYokEfWjvzT8cG8xiyFuNNaNM5vfFTWJFqZvR212.jpg)

This is the problem with our attachment and identification in labels, as they are often contradicting each other. Not only are they contradicting, because we and the conditions in which we live are always changing, the things that we identify with are constantly being lost and gained. If we are unable to detach from the labels that are no longer relevant to us, like the skills we lose through aging, we end up living in delusion, disconnected from reality. Even though we might still believe and feel "correct", the feedback from the environment tells to the contrary. But because acknowledging this means losing a part of ourselves we want, we try to ignore instead, continuing to identify with labels that are no longer relevant and perhaps never were. 


![OI001450 (2).jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23u5ZPonhVp62cr7ssX7ssqW1imbhdFyfiVpLP3HwUQa4Bxu6gLVz6CcmhYHGXPoGyTu4.jpg)

If we look at ourselves through labels, we are made of many slices and what is shown depends on where the light of circumstance happens to be shining. However, these labels are also in flux through time and subject to change, with very few of them being constant from birth to death and those that are, might not matter much at all, other than due to cultural conditioning.

But, the conditions of the labels and the belief we put into them can fundamentally affect our lives and the lives of others. For example, it wasn't until the birth of my daughter that I could claim the label of father, but assuming the role changed my behaviors and I think I am better for it. However, there are lots of fathers out there that don't know they have children, therefore don't even realize the label applies to them.

How much of "who we are" is hidden from us, things that affect us but without visibility, have no idea we are affected? We tend to focus on a narrow set of labels and often choose ones that flatter us and degrade others in the moment, even if they are unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

While labels and habits can change a lot throughout life, regardless how we identify or what we do, there is no escaping what we actually are. From start to finish, we can be nothing other, than ourselves.

*Time to wake up and get to work.* 

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]



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