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As it is first quarter, there are a lot of company kickoff sessions, and because this is a global company and we have to cater as best we can to cover the majority, this is an evening thing. I have already finished the ones I am meant to be in, but I am sitting in another as I was asked to facilitate a small group session *as a backup.* As luck would have it, my colleague got ill and my "backup" status was upgraded to *main dude.* 

>I haven't had time to sit in on the facilitator sessions or do any prep work. 

Wing it!

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23ynQ9A6jrutDcjR6MUxjeEiFWp4WNo6i2M4FfyvLHGAy4y65gTwtwuwgPykGp4Da5qJm.png)

I am sitting through the presentations now and it has made it a very long day, as I started at 8 and will finish at 8, with pretty much no breaks, as the lunch break was a lunch session with new employees... At some point though, it *should* change as I will have *completely* handed off my last  position and have onboarded and be comfortable doing my new position. I look forward to that time. 

On that note, I was talking with my supervisor today in a one-to-one and contentment and happiness came up. They were saying that they heard recently that the happiest people have something to look forward to, which makes sense, but upon reflection, they themselves didn't. So, they created something. 

Upon reflection, I am the same, as while I do have things to look forward to in the long-term, they are more abstract frameworks, like being financially secure and invested. There is very little that is concrete and, there is very little that I can say that are going to happen within the next, let alone concrete milestones. 

Some people book a holiday abroad, concert tickets to a gig or getting a new car that keeps their mind looking ahead, but I am not one of those types of consumers. I tend to buy if I need and I don't tend to do research into something unless I am getting ready to actually buy. This means that there aren't many solid future events and the lifecycle between start to finish is short - not only this these are very rarely "desire" items, they are needs that help me accomplish my longer-term aspirations. 

This means my life is pretty practical and functional, but not necessarily the kind of thing that would make anyone go "I want that life", as the average person would be bored senseless. But, some might want some of the resources I have, but it is a funny conflict, because in order to have them, I pretty much needed that boring life to get it. It isn't like winning the lottery. 

It is an interesting thing to consider, because I think what is happening is that since I don't really have any short milestones, there aren't those "small wins" and the progress I am making doesn't trigger the dopamine reaction. As such it might be that I struggle with remaining motivated, even though I do recognize the progress being made under reflection. However, what I have found is that I am still motivated to act toward my long goals, but where I am lacking is in the short goals, especially those that don't necessarily feed into that view of my bigger picture future. 

How this maps is that while I can sit on Hive and write seemingly endless amounts, look at charts, talk about blockchain, crypto and what it all means - the tasks I do daily for a job are very difficult to be interested in, even though I know they are functional and critical to my success in the future, as they allow me the space to do the other tasks. 

I wonder at some point whether I will be able to keep working, but only on the tasks that feed that bigger picture directly. What I mean is will I be able to have the kind of work that is in the areas that appear in that future position, but they provide the things I need from the jobs I have now. Essentially, that is a social aspect and of course the earnings from being employed in the company I work for or my business. 

It is possible of course, but in order for me to do this, I would have to be able to replace the job incomes with a near equivalent amount, while still letting me build into the future. While not out of the question, this is quite a significant amount on top of where I am currently in this area, so I don't suspect it is going to be happening anytime soon - so another long goal. However maybe, I should start setting some waypoints that I can look forward to.

For example on Hive, I know plenty of people who have given themselves goals to reach like 5000 HP, or 50,000 and when they get there, they just move the goalposts further away. However in the short term, it gives them something they feel is in reach and to look forward to. I will have to sit down and discover what kinds of points these might be for me, but I suspect some are going to be tied to incoming revenue streams, as well as total holdings. 

Lately, I have been questioning my position in this life quite a lot and I think this is tied to my post-stroke capabilities. I think I have come to terms that I am heavily limited and will likely always be, but that means I have reset the future position to cater for my lack of ability to reach those goals. At least through the same paths I had identified earlier. Perhaps "this me" would benefit from some shorter goals too, but "this me" also doesn't have experience setting them for myself, so in order to do it, I have to treat myself as someone else, which might not be too far from the truth. 

I guess I have facilitate my own session, and stop winging it.


Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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