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My daughter is a little like me, she has mood swings where *occasionally* she will rage and then then minutes later, be the sweetest little angel again and apologize for her behavior. I don't rage that often these days - I have learned a little in my years. 

I hope that eventually, she will work out some balance and find a way to control her emotional outbursts, as in my view, emotions are private and showing them is a choice, not a right. I think the nonsense of "show your feelings" that has been encouraged the last few decades has created emotional tyrants, incentivized even further by disconnected social networks that encourage and incentivize drama. 

![IMG_20200505_175243.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/PgHVxWw8-IMG_20200505_175243.jpg)

But, I also think that people believe that others should behave like them and react like them too, which isn't going to work either. One of the areas I see this happen regularly is when it comes to the *recovery* after negative events, for example a break-up or a death. There seems to be some kind of cultural "normal" that says there should be a grieving period or, a period where a person is meant to be sad, some generalized time frame on when is "too soon" to smile again, date again or make a joke about tragedy.

![IMG_20200505_175245.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/aPZVBSsY-IMG_20200505_175245.jpg)

It seems that if a person is perceived as moving on too fast, they are rushing into things or didn't care enough about whatever it was they are moving on from. It never seems to come to mind that for whatever reason, a person can accept circumstances and move on from it faster than another, as if emotional control doesn't work that way. 

I see emotional control more like emotional fitness, something that can be trained like the body and just like the recovery period after strenuous exercise is going to depend on past training and experience, mental recovery is going to depend on someone's mental condition. Moving fast doesn't mean fit, if soon after going out at a sprint, a breakdown arrives. 

![IMG_20200505_175249.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/gy0cSOXw-IMG_20200505_175249.jpg)

In my experience, it is the ones who are able to accept circumstances quickly and move forward who are the most reliable under stressful conditions, those who can keep a cool head under fire, focus on the problems at hand and think toward solutions. Sometimes, it is the ability to postpone some emotional reactions until a more appropriate time, but when that time comes, the ability to actually control reactions seems to mean that overcoming the negative is a much faster process and while there is a slowing, there is not a complete stop to function - there is always a rolling start into the next phase. 

![IMG_20200505_174956.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/RmMbK6eo-IMG_20200505_174956.jpg)

Most of us do not think much about our habits other than a cursory glance and wishing that we could stop this, or do more of that. In general, we have built our processes in childhood through experience and mimicry of our surrounds and never look at them again, we just assume that they are good enough. 

This is a strange perspective to take considering that we know that we change over time and, we live in a world that is constantly changing around us. It is hard to imagine that the processes and strategies developed as a child are going to be suitable to continually face the world decades into the future - but yet, there are still plenty of people who throw tantrums like petulant children, despite being adults.

Emotional fitness is different to physical and mental, but at the same time, the three are all connected, all influence each other. "Blind rage" is a pretty good example of this, as it shuts down thought and physical control processes and the emotional triggers take control of mind and body - enacting and exacting as feelings desire. Generally in violence, often violence that is later regretted. 

I have several stories through my life where lack of emotional control has cost people a great deal in their lives, including the lives of those they love. Domestic violence might result in a "it'll never happen again" apology, but there is no recourse for a knife in the heart. Regardless of what might be said after the fact, emotionally unstable people can't be trusted, especially under times of stress. 

Rather than leave reaction up to chance, I believe it is a better approach to develop emotional fitness prior to needing it - prior to the stress or circumstances that lead to even mild outbursts. Just like investing for future monetary gain, building emotional control prepares us for being able to act under pressure when it is required, sometimes this will lead to large rewards and sometimes - very large *savings.* 

Shorten the recovery period and be ready sooner to welcome the knock of opportunity. 


Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

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