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This morning, my wife wanted to cut our daughter's nails and looked for the small scissors from the drawer where they are kept in her room. They weren't there however. When @smallsteps was asked where they were - an odyssey ensued:

# Lie to me

>"I left them where they belong. But, last night, while I was sleeping, the window was open a little and a bug came in. I didn't see the bug, but i know that it was a bug because I heard a buzzzzzzzzing sound. The bug went into the drawer and took the scissors, carrying them with its legs and put them somewhere. I didn't see the bug do this, as I had my eyes closed in bed (demonstrating this with covers over her head), but the bug must have put them somewhere else and that is why they aren't in the drawer where they belong."

When I asked her what color the bug was.

>"Well, when it first came in, I saw the head only - it was red."

https://i.imgur.com/jwsZIs3.jpg

## A sign of intelligence?

I remember seeing a study demonstrated using children that was the combination of the marshmallow test (where one would have the choice to take something now or be patient in order to get a larger prize later) and willingness to lie (lying about being patient so as to get the larger prize or not have options taken away). The set up was having a toy under a cover and the kids told about it but not to peak at the toy while the tester left the room. If they didn't peak, they could play with the toy after. The results of the study were that the children that peaked and lied about it were more intelligent than those who looked and then admitted to peaking. Those that patiently waited were the least intelligent of all? -  I don't remember. 

However, what they are testing for is whether a child is able to understand there are future consequences of their actions as well as predict whether the outcome is going to be positive or negative. Those who recognized that there could be negative consequences for their behavior and then lied about it were seen as having a better understanding of ramifications and social rules. As said, I don't remember all of the study and I might not be representing it well, but you get the idea - those who lie, might be smarter than those who don't. 

## Caught in a lie

As we grow of course, we start to change the way we lie after being caught and punished in early life, we change our expressions and tone of voice, as well as the context in which we lie. We also find ways to *justify* our lies so that we can deflect them away from "protecting ourselves" and into some greater good that helps others. However we look at it, lying is a part of social norms and for many reasons is a strategy we use to negotiate the world. 

I wonder how many people feel that they don't lie, yet embellish the stories they tell, or say "No, it doesn't make your butt look big" when answering couple questions? 

Social media is a very good example of a place where lying is incentivized through the hope for attention and where the consequence for doing so is very low, due to the protection offered by pseudonimit, anonymity and distance. The internet in general is a place where marketing is pushed into every facet of the digital space, where advertising manipulation and branding is used to sell everything from cleaning products to first dates. 

## Lie to me please, but be good at it

Lying is an interesting area as pretty much *no one* wants to be lied to, even though they know they are in many ways. Essentially, we don't want to know that we are being lied to, but we don't mind the lie itself in the moment, especially if it supports our desires and ego. However, we do want to reserve the right to lie to others when we feel justified to do so, which is generally, whenever it serves our personal needs. 

The other thing is that when we feel we are being lied to, we feel cheated, but we don't always consider the reasons we are being lied to, the motivating factor behind the deception - we just feel deceived. "I was late to the meeting because you know, traffic" a bad lie, but would the room want to hear, "I was late to the meeting because I had bad fish last night and had to stop on the way to work due to diarrhea" ?  

What about surprises?

"I had a late meeting at work and couldn't get out of it" = "I was buying you an engagement ring and will soon ask you to marry me"

## The lie and what lay ahead

The consequences of our behavior are our responsibility and I would suggest that those who are able to predict the outcomes of options might be more intelligent than those who act without any future consideration at all. It doesn't mean that those who are intelligent need lie of course, it just indicates that they can run simulations of outcomes based on probabilities and then choose what is best suited, which doesn't necessarily mean, what is best suited for them. 

Compounding factors and probability is something that we aren't very good at processing in our heads, which is why we simplify our thinking heavily. Some people spend so much time thinking about things however, there is no action - which is another issue again. Our habits facilitate quick decisions, our slow considerations temper them so we don't leap in out of habit - Finding the balance between the fast and slow allows us to make fast decisions in low cost areas, slow decisions when the stakes are high - maturing is understanding the difference. 

## Negotiating with experience

My almost four year old daughter is in the phase where she is negotiating with experience to find the balance, to work out where the costs and benefits lay and where the lines that can be crossed can be. As a parent, it is a fine line to tread as there is the risk that one encourages too much lie and the risk that one crushes too much imagination. The imagination is our creative powerhouse and propels our species forward, but it is essentially building fantasy out of reality, lying to the self, creating an illusion. It is only when these illusions are mistaken for reality that they become delusions.  

We all like to think that we are pretty good at lie detecting, but our experience should tell us differently, considering how much we believe ends up being proven false. As a ten year old, I picked Milli Vanilli as an engineered lie before it was ever public - but does this give me a false sense of security? We catch some lies and then feel that we "pick them all" when in reality with so many flying through the constant stream of information that chops and changes and crosses well outside of our real-world experience, it is impossible to catch them all. 

It is interesting when I see people who have obviously Google searched their belief system state as if they are experts on various subject matters, as if they know the truth about climate change or the moon landing - as if they are insiders. The thing with the internet is that no matter what one believes, there is always multiple sources that can be called upon to back them up and *justify* the position. 

## Living with the lies

Belief doesn't mean lying of course, as one can truly believe in something that is false. The lie comes in through intention to deceive, intention to manipulate - often for personal gain or the reduction of exposure to loss. At the end of the day, we each have to live with the consequences of our actions and for many, the biggest lies told are the ones we tell ourselves. 

We might think we get away with it, but that could be because we haven't identified the real losses incurred - just like we don't know how many lies slip past our awareness. 

Truth or dare. 

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]



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