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After having my infusion treatment yesterday, I do really feel like nobody is home, even though the lights are on. I am not sure of it is because I have been fighting a very persistent flu, but this time it feels like I am even more affected by it than usual, even though the headache seems no worse. The worst part is the apparent loss of brain function and taking part in complex conversations drain me as I struggle to keep up. 

![IMG_20200108_092009.jpg](https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmYEpcpGsbfwJvgw9VjNN49i2WPxn3asR5kmbbndPoV7t2)

While I don't fear getting older in general, what does worry me is losing my mental function and due to my health history, it has already degraded a lot. Partly because of my body, partly through medications. 

It is impossible to know, but it is common to consider *what might have beens* under changed conditions. Where would I be of healthy as a teen, what if for the last 20 years I didn't have pain? It is unknown, and while it is easy to assume that with the omission of negatives there would be more positive, I do not believe that is the case.

I think that often case, the "best of us" is brought out under the worst conditions, situations we do not choose or want, but force us to tackle problems that improve our skills and perspectives. 

Pressure breaks rock, it also creates diamonds. We often build environments that protect us from the elements of life and can perhaps err too heavily on the side of caution sometimes. We value comfort in a way that makes us increasingly uncomfortable as our tolerance of pressure our mind and body can take decreases - Hypersensitivity to change.

Change is of course constant in the sense it always happens, but the level of change we experience is unstable. Sometimes things are running smoothly, and other times, *when it rains. It pours.*

I have personally framed the times of bad weather as the situations where the most potential lays as it is when many others seek out shelter. The people who can work in the mud in less than ideal conditions will build foundations that can provide stability and a solid base to develop upon when times are good.

It has been mentioned often over the years that during hard times on Steem, when price is down and there is uncertainty, less people participate, more go dormant. I do not think that many people actually leave Steem, they just go silent for a time. "Bad weather" is a good time to build foundation for those who remain active. 

This is impossible for most if there is no decoupling from external price of Steem. For those who are interested in STEEM itself, the earnings can be significantly better as there is less competition from the masses. But, it has to be remembered that the people who do remain active are likely motivated Steem users, so are more likely well-informed and active.

Over the last two years, the middle class has formed and there are more mid to large users who not only hold significant Steem Power, but are willing to use it. While concurrently, there are quite a few mid to large accounts that have powered down and gone dormant. I believe this will have a profound effect on the future of Steem when more holders are those who have built, bought and survived the lows, over those who had it relatively easier and benefited from the highs as the reference point that drives behavior is different. 

There definitely seems to be an *easy come, easy go* mindset at play and those who feel a difficulty in growth and pressure to survive, are more likely to value their experience and perhaps not take it for granted. I see this much like those who have had life difficulties to get to this point today.

However, pressure to survive doesn't mean improvement by default as, some grow stronger, some grow bitter.

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]

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