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It was early 2020 when we bought our house, which is a 1960s "fixer-upper" that we have been renovating since the day we moved in. Before buying it, I was discussing it on Hive and working out the particulars, as well as doing what I consider is the worst case scenarios, which tended to be the financials.


![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23vsbDRVQ7jeJ1jz6e4qQ4H9VJ3x9ausShq6cowHqZnD4uNKyurvbaUwAeRsLoR78Jy7c.png)

It has taken a lot of work to get this far, but the biggest challenge has been my health, as after having a stroke in mid-2021, there have been many other situations that have arisen. Yes, this has impacted the money situation in many ways as I have had to cut back on some work, as well as pay people to do what I would have done myself, but it has also heavily affected my energy levels, motivation and concentration, as well as my dexterity and stamina. 

Looming back, I don't know if it was the right decision to buy a house that required this level of work and then ongoing maintenance, but I am pretty sure that if I had had the stroke earlier, we wouldn't have likely bought a house at all. And now I wonder, would that have been a better or worse decision long-term.

It is *far more convenient* to have an apartment where there is a body corporate who takes care of snow work and maintenance, but at the same time, it is more restrictive. And there are ongoing monthly costs that have to be paid, as well as group decisions that get made without individuals having a lot of power to affect it, unless they are in the majority. 

>For instance, part of the common areas of our apartment building were renovated and because the majority of tenants are older and those who have decision influence have taste from the 80s, the renovation style was as you'd expect - dated even while they were doing it. The younger owners had no say over this and the next time it will likely be renovated will be in another 40 years from now. 

When owning a house, it is pretty much up to the owner what is done to it (there are council regulations), and whether it is to everyone's taste or not, the owner can choose. This means that the house becomes far more home than an apartment, because inside and out, it is yours. 

There is also the passing it on to children too, where I am hoping that in the case of our house, it will be given to Smallsteps at some point and then it will be up to her what she chooses to do with her childhood home. She might choose to live in it and renovate to her tastes or sell it for something else, but there will be some kind of progression. Apartments can of course be inherited, but there is often less sentimental feeling with it, so many just get sold as an asset.

But, it is interesting to think about in terms of "right and wrong" decisions, because even though I likely wouldn't have bought had I had the stroke earlier, I feel that what would hold  me back is my thought that I wouldn't be able to cope, not necessarily the reality of it. After all, so far at least, we are coping and meeting the challenge. which makes me wonder more, how many challenges could we overcome, but because we think we can't, we don't make the attempt. 

I expect that throughout our lives, we are held back by ourselves just as much (if not more) than our circumstances. I wonder how many businesses weren't started out of fear of failure, or how many soulmates were never talked to out of fear of rejection.

>I don't actually believe in soulmates.

Financially, we'd likely be better off if we didn't buy the house, at least in the short term, but once we did, other factors also came into play that have influenced us. For example, would I have driven as hard at work if I didn't have the pressure of the renovation and mortgage behind me? Maybe not - and that has resulted in change in roles, better salary and bonuses and perhaps if things go well, it will take me further in a career. Over the space of ten years, would we still be better off?  Maybe not.

We can consider counterfactuals, but we can never really know what *would have been* under different circumstances, because no single thing lives inside a vacuum, each impacts and gets impacted by other events, dynamically shifting them in potentially unpredictable ways. However, there are some things that can be predicted, based on past performance and that is generally that ownership is more valuable than renting in terms of wealth generation. Not that we were renting earlier, but we had less control over the value proposition of the apartment building, or the types of renters and owners there.

At the end of the day, we can't go back and choose again, we can only choose what we do going forward. For the moment, I am still capable to do most of the work necessary and perhaps in time I will learn to be even more capable, as I improve my skills at house ownership and maintenance. Also, there is the sense of value in the ownership of a house too and most importantly for us, this feels like *our home.* 

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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