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I was hoping for a little bit more sun today, as we are planning on opening the barbecue season for 2022 - There is still some snow standing on the ground, but that doesn't matter!

It is going to be a weekend of "odd jobs" though, as the tires need to be changed, which requires cleaning up the garage a bit, which is good, because that is where the outside furniture is that we need for the barbie. I should also check if we have enough gas. But on top of this, we are going to go and get passport photos taken for Smallsteps and my wife, as my wife's passport has expired, and Smallsteps has never had one. I Want her to have the Australian passport also, but we need the Finnish one first, or at least, it is easier that way. 

![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tarazkp/23uQhuLAaCrj2JJeuwH3qZEhf9oPhHmuZu69tJND3SttRq5tSuXHwtqTFt1PudPWjcWBa.png)

In the last couple weeks, I have noticed how fast Smallsteps is growing and learning, with her becoming far more independent in her daily routines and experimenting further. It is little stuff at the moment, but I can already feel how soon she isn't going to need me for much of her homelife. 

>This is good and bad

It is bad because like most people, I like being useful, it is good because over the last nearly six years, it has been so intense that it might be good to get a little respite to focus on other things. Family of course remains the most important thing in my life, but part of taking care of others, is taking care of oneself. 

It is kind of like on an airplane when they say that in an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on before helping others - you are no help to others if you are already passed out. Well, unless you are prone to panicking - which most are I suspect in that kind of situation.

I don't think I am prone to panicking that much, but I do feel the stress of various situations, but don't necessarily see it as a bad thing, *most of the time.* Lately, I have been thinking that I might be stretched a bit thin at the moment however, so I should probably take some load off. But, I think this depends on what is actually being done and whether I think there is purpose in it or not. When there is compelling reason and strong meaning, I think we become far more resilient in and more tenacious. 

I reckon a lot of the stress that we feel is because of the perception of futility of much of what we do, where we might know why, but we don't necessarily see the progress towards our goals happening fast enough. In workplaces they often break large tasks down into milestone points, but how many people do this in their private lives? I suspect that like me, most people just "do what they do" daily, without much thought into whether what is being done is progressing along the road. 

The other thing is, that many "life goals" are quite a ways down that road with pretty unclear or multiple guidelines on how to get there, so it is easy to lose track of what needs to be done and fall back on what wants to be done. This can lead to the feeling that we are indeed acting towards our goals, but frustrated that we aren't actually seeing them move much closer, leaving them stranded out on the horizon. 

I struggle with so many things in my life and I am hoping that my daughter will be far more capable of putting her own life in order earlier than I even started. In this way, I am a good role model of how not to do behave in early life, with the lesson that avoiding conflict and risk is likely going to lead to constantly and increasingly being under threat from conflict and risk. Counterintuitive perhaps, but avoiding risk often means trying to remain unchanged in a changing world and the world isn't going to likely change any slower in the future and if anything, is going to increase the speed of change, which means resilience and adaptability become key companions in and tools to call upon.

But, these skills aren't built through study alone, they are developed through practice, reflection, recalibration and repetition - which means that a person has to be exposed to difficulty, challenge, disruption, pain, discomfort and stress enough, to be able to have a chance to experiment and grow. In time, can resiliency be the norm, an unconscious competence that just is?

I think to some degree it can, where a hire level of challenge is required before stress starts getting felt or playing a negative influence on behavior. I think though, that those who are easily stressed and disrupted, are so because they haven't had active exposure and reflective process to develop the depth of character to deal with difficult circumstances. I do think though, that our inherited personality and genetics likely play a large role in our ability to cope under pressure - but we can all improve, can't we?

Well, we can all improve, but rarely do we get better at what we want to get better at by luck alone, so we have to pay enough attention to what we do to ensure that what we do is heading in the right direction. As a parent, I find this difficult at times, as I am split between what is the right direction for me, my daughter and our family in general. Finding that balance is a challenge in itself, but finding it in a rapidly changing and dynamic world and having to think years into the future, it seems impossible at times. It really is no wonder so many people choose not to look too long - it is easier, even of down the road it gets very hard indeed.

Now though, I don't have to look too far down the track and no exactly what needs to be done. 

*It is time to start heating the grill.* 

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]


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