Good morning Monday. You have found me craving to open this week with some reflective prose and the shade of your dull sun trying to clear the heavy mist that I woke up to. 

![IMG-20210814-WA0000.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tezmel/23wgSMfSX1AKedXiVa4CWonUQVtozuYkXXNWhTRgDmezpcZasAaypDhv7ouBTAA4DTsyA.jpg)

Your morning seems to be in a rush to meet midday and my human brain is still adjusting to the return of a fresh week. Where do weekends go to? Even when working, I have always felt like Saturday and Sunday cheat on the clock. 

As your brightness slowly claims the hour, colours are coming to life and it is pleasing to see. But the geometrical towers of the apartments that make up my bedroom view stare back at me like a reminder of how limited my physical world can be. 

Mentally, I can go where I want. It is an advantage as it is a disadvantage and it all relies on my ability to find something I am yet to find... Balance. 

You see if I could discover how to strike the balance between anything and everything, I would live authentically. My closet of necessary masks would be replaced by my finally believing that I can be myself without the fear of standing out. 

I bet you think being weird is cool too Monday. 

As a race, we prefer Friday nights over you yet we can never get to them without your showing up every new week. How do you do that? I mean the show your face at the faces of disapproving humans? 

Sounds courageous to me. And sometimes courage can feel quite alien to my bones. It interrupts my traumatised energy and demands that I surrender to the dying light whispering that I fight back for myself. For us. 

And I rarely fight back yet I hurriedly say yes to almost everything only to end up draining the wells of my empathic soul. Do you do that too? Other than starting the seven days cycle, do you ever feel like the rest of the days take so much from you and forget to help refill your reserves? 

I have been feeling like so for a while and I am learning how to execute enough NOs. And don't get me wrong, it is not difficult to say no... It is dealing with the guilt that comes with being exposed to people-pleasing tendencies that I detest. 

My inner critic won't allow such in her place of worship. She would rather have me sleepless at night trying to figure out other people's messes than healthily decline to get involved. Then gladly turn around and point onto my mess. 

Why does my tongue enslave me with her sweet yeses? 

You can say I never thought that saying no to anyone I have the pleasure of caring about is a way of caring for myself. I have always had this dark need to prove something I am yet to understand myself. 

And nothing can be more overwhelming... Can you just be kind?

<sub>**wambuku w.**</sub>