Did you ever have a need to share your story with the world, but you were to scared? Or to ashamed how will your story sound? I have. And it was so hard to start speaking about this. It is diffrent when is your diesis invisible. Nobody knows, and I can hide this part of my life. But on the other side, people think you're faking this, no matter what. I was hidding it. For a long time. It was hard for me to speak about my problems. How to explain to people you've Crohn diesise? This is something in your bowel. It is not nice to talk about this stuff. I'm sitting on my toilet 20 times a day, vomiting like crazy, then eat something and next minute you're running on a toilet. With unimaginable pain. How to explain to them, that being without energy means sitting on a toilet vomiting and having diaries is exhausting? 7 days a week 24hour a day..
I remember when they said what is my diagnosis. I wasn't scared, I didn't have any feeling on this information, because I was in remission and I've forget the pain of this diesise. How can you forget that? Because is not active in the moment and you think this won't came back. Not true. It will always be back. Following you your whole life. But not in the moment, and that is enough. And then is back and the whole thing continues. Nobody understand how can I lose so much weight in 2 months. I understand but how to explain to people that everything that I put in my stomach is going back up or down seconds later. And then hearing this stuff like, how can you do it, I want that too, tell me your secret. I'm sick and you don't see it, you just see my look and my body change. And they think, that I'm doing that on purpose. This girls asking me for advice and how can they do it. Are u crazy girl? I'm suffering, I'm bleeding and I'm taking medicine that are making me sicker and powerless. You want that? You want to look for the bathrooms every time you visit new place, just because you need to be sure it is somewhere near. When you need to run, you need to run. No other option. Or when you driving, and is nothing in the near to stop, or when you're having party outside and everywhere around you is just nature, so you don't eat and drink the whole night. You really want that?
Only because you're going to be thinner so fast? But what is the story behind that is not important. You only see outside of me, not the inside. Pain.
And asking questions how can they do that, or what diet they need to have. Oh my, stop asking. I didn't choose that. And I don't like to explain every time why I lost so much weight. It's uncomfortable. But then one time, after so much questions, I explained to some girls my story. And they started to laugh. They said this is so cool, you can eat so much, and still look so thin. I was really in shock. From that moment on, when someone asked what am I doing with my body, I just say that my new diet is great and working out really helped. That's it. No more explaining.
Being sick have also positive sides. Of course if you want to find this side. I did.
I started looking deeper. What can I do to find peace inside me? I started to look for people with the same problems. Social media helped a lot. I found a group of people with the same diesise and the same problems. We talked a lot. I connected with them, they are on the same level and we share pain together. Positivity made us stronger.
My point of view has changed. I started to understand people with other invisible and visible diesise. Everybody is suffering, but a lot of them don't share this. They share positivity, they are happy people, they help and they can listen you and understand you. I wanted that, and I succeeded.
Levelling with people and understanding them means so much to me. Just hearing them makes me peaceful. I'm not alone. Sharing our story's is so important, we can support and help each other. Being grateful for support from people we never met. Only online.
So, don't be scared, you're not alone. Somewhere on this world is person with the same problems, and maybe this person alredy found how to cope with all this. You will always received help, you just need to find the right people. We can reach so far in this time. You can look for people on the other side of the world and you can talk to them. You can't give up, and you can't look only from negative side. There is always the bright light. No matter what will happen in the future. It's not decided yet, ever if the doctors are saying that your life will be diffrent now. Yes it will. But not darker. You can help to people which still didn't found the right answer, to people who don't know how to live with that. And if you can help just to one person is a lot.
I'm sharing my story's with you for a some times now, and this made me a lot more confident about me and my life.
I'm not alone. You are there. And accepting and understanding me, means so much to me. So guys, thank you for this power you gave me. I'm stronger and happier, and I'm not scared to share so much about my life. This part of my life opened my eyes. There are so much people around me with a lot of problems, and before all that happened, I was living in some bubble, in illusion that only people in my life are important, but this isn't true. All people are important, all problems are important, and just with one simple word you can change a life of someone else. One good deed and one simple word.
So guys, one more time, thank you for understanding and accepting me, thank you for reading my posts, and thank you for all your positivity. You're the best. ❤
*"Every time you do a good deed you shine the light a little farther into the dark. And the thing is, when you're gone that light is going to keep shining on, pushing the shadows back."* - Charles de Lint
With love, @tinabrezpike ❤
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