EPIC HORROR STORY FAIL - COM35 by wittywheat

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comedyopenmic · @wittywheat · Oct 28 '18 (edited)

$3.28

EPIC HORROR STORY FAIL - COM35

Ain’t life awesome? Comedy open mic had finally decided to host a contest on Halloween theme special the moment I ran out of ideas to write. Fate seriously enjoys poking fun at me. Writing a comedy on horror stuffs isn’t exactly my strength.

<center>![casper.gif](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQma8e3iF9qKFn6HqSadEbF2LibPFB2dxdaiJgDeQmV6AdB/casper.gif)</center>

Anyway, a white foreigner also known as鬼佬 (gwei lo) or ghost man to Chinese people once asked me about attractions in Malaysia. We’re very nice here in Malaysia. We just refer to you as a ghost instead of an alien unlike immigration in some bad bad countries located somewhere on Earth. This gwei lo was very fussy and wanted places with good influence for his kids. He told me to exclusively exclude theme parks out of his list of prospective itinerary.

<center>![alien2.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmYbqMJcexjFfuzcA8axidY6N2s2BqfPu9enTRXeW3qAum/alien2.jpg)</center>

Being the considerate person that I am, I suggested Batu Caves, Cameron Highlands, national parks, mountain climbing, island hopping and etc… However, for whatever unknown reasons, I was totally dumbfounded when he mentioned he wanted to visit Genting Highlands. I honestly had no idea how the hell casino and theme parks could have been a good influence on kids unless they aspire to be gamblers when they grow up. In which case, gamblers are also endearingly identified locally as 赌鬼 (dou gwei), gambling ghost. Exorcism alone won't cure their severe addiction problem. The kids better not be faint-hearted at handling both gaming chips and theme park rides.

<center>![casino.gif](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmR7qmcXGn1vxWy4vUpA2SFnAwpTcCFnXvQEijsokN1dZv/casino.gif)</center>

My friend worked at the casino as a croupier. One fine day I asked him what were the perks of working in a casino aside from free food, free accommodation and free theme park entrance ticket? His answer was really profound, “the free room came with free invisible roommates too!” The best part was even when he was dead tired after an eight hours shift, he had no choice but to entertain his invisible roommate on a daily basis which caused him to be even more exhausted than he had ever been in his entire life. That was his reason for quitting his job. It certainly had nothing to do at all with disturbing harassment.

<center>![halloween.gif](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmR9u2HhLDdvytFPwNZf28vyX1iLRUjPUdnmEPTvWkeYNf/halloween.gif)</center>

Moreover, we are all supposed to be responsible adults living in this civilized 21st century. Sane people in general no longer believe in weird stuffs such as UFOs and extraterrestrials let alone ghosts, vampires, goblins, zombies and other nonsense unless there is solid evidence or proof of sighting. Halloween is simply reduced to being just a celebration to fool kids into behaving themselves by offering them candy goodies. Beware of tooth cavities! Having to visit a dentist is the real nightmare.

Happy Halloween!

Thank you very much for reading!

Cheers,
Wheat
----
I'd like to nominate @ltcih, @rentmoney and @kevinwong to participate in this contest
___
Image Sources: [1](https://media.giphy.com/media/TfNRYCVnExKa4/giphy.gif) [2](https://newsela-test-files-f331e.s3.amazonaws.com/article_media/2015/11/alien-immigrationlanguage-8a4a59f2.jpg.885x497_q90_box-0%2C175%2C3504%2C2145_crop_detail.jpg) [3](https://media.giphy.com/media/l2SpO2558KNLdARcQ/giphy.gif) [4](https://media.giphy.com/media/3oz8xCfndgUufdIV4k/source.gif)

👍 hendrikdegrote, tombstone, comedyopenmic, kevinwong, majes.tytyty, curie, wackou, vact, sbi4, belemo, holybranches, lordbutterfly, isaria, polyphemus, orphansofdoom, yourmaker, liberosist, rival, com-judge, idikuci, eric-boucher, ninjace, steemnsfw, bitfiend, layneebug, ryleebear, hilary.clinton, massivevibration, horriblesteemian, theycallmebaka, disguarpe, musicvoter, ange.nkuru, wstanley226, profanereviews, bondy007, drmake, arconite, tuck-fheman, comedyschool, locikll, granolalight, didic, mrwang, reactionaries, solominer, nurhayati, yomismosoy, lillywilton, benleemusic, stahlberg, aboutyourbiz, call-me-howie, spicedwave, ancestorobserve, yaroslav199, liquidmeat, magichive, octavesynodic, raymondspeaks, cryptokrieg, fromthebeginning, elamental, oghie, and 74 others

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@comedyschool · Oct 23 '18

$2.07

Hi wittywheat, 
 
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)

#### Judges:
- @profanereviews
- @sharanaithal
- @lordbutterfly
 
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: [Click Here](https://discord.gg/rddw2Ny)
 
<center>[Click To Vote](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=comedyopenmic&approve=1) @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!<a href="https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=comedyopenmic&approve=1">
<img src="https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/448711994275659777/454625592675926026/image.jpg" alt="Support COM Banner" style="width:42px;height:42px;border:0;">
</a>
<sub>Thank you to @matytan for the great banner </sub></center>

👍 comedyopenmic, idikuci, bondy007, hdu, jadabug, largeadultson, cheneats

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@majes.tytyty · Oct 28 '18

What a great read, in a nicely formatted and attractive post.

Maybe next Halloween, I'll turn myself into a ghost and visit Malaysia again. I've travelled there about 5 times, and always had a great time.

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@wittywheat · Oct 28 '18

Thank you for your kind compliments @majes.tytyty! You're always welcome here in Malaysia :-)

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@profanereviews · Oct 23 '18

There are no goblins? Tell that to the one in my closet. He ate my cat!

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@wittywheat · Oct 24 '18

Haha... Are you sure the goblin in your closet is not a polar bear? XD

👍 sharanaithal

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@sharanaithal · Oct 25 '18

It was the polar bear. But then, the goblin came and ate it.
So now it's just the goblin.

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4 replies

@steemitboard · Nov 16 '18

Congratulations @wittywheat! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/60x70/http://steemitboard.com/@wittywheat/commented.png?201811161141</td><td>You got more than 200 replies. Your next target is to reach 300 replies.</td></tr>
</table>

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`root_title`	"EPIC HORROR STORY FAIL - COM35"
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@steemitboard · Nov 18 '18

Congratulations @wittywheat! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

<table><tr><td>https://steemitimages.com/60x70/http://steemitboard.com/@wittywheat/votes.png?201811180936</td><td>You made more than 500 upvotes. Your next target is to reach 600 upvotes.</td></tr>
</table>

<sub>_[Click here to view your Board of Honor](https://steemitboard.com/@wittywheat)_</sub>
<sub>_If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word_ `STOP`</sub>



**Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:**
<table><tr><td><a href="https://steemit.com/steemfest/@steemitboard/meet-the-steemians-contest-intermediate-results"><img src="https://steemitimages.com/64x128/https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmeLukvNFRsa7RURqsFpiLGEZZD49MiU52JtWmjS5S2wtW/image.png"></a></td><td><a href="https://steemit.com/steemfest/@steemitboard/meet-the-steemians-contest-intermediate-results">Meet the Steemians Contest - Intermediate results</a></td></tr></table>

> Support [SteemitBoard's project](https://steemit.com/@steemitboard)! **[Vote for its witness](https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/account-witness-vote?witness=steemitboard&approve=1)** and **get one more award**!

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