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Nobody wishes to lose a loved one but death always comes knocking at unexpected hours. African widows are always thrown into a state of frailty and infirmity when such happens. I have heard and seen different tales from a widow. 

When a loved one departs, help is supposed to be given. Care is supposed to be shown to the family of the deceased. The way forward is supposed to be discussed by the family members but that is always the direct opposite. Most times, the widows are falsely accused of having a hand in the demise of their spouses. Really?!
https://images.pexels.com/photos/5700193/pexels-photo-5700193.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&dpr=1&w=500
[Pexel](https://images.pexels.com/photos/5700193/pexels-photo-5700193.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&dpr=1&w=500)

Struggle for properties begins.  Lands are confisticated, some widows are even thrown out of their matrimonial homes and are told to go somewhere else.  The practice that always gets me is when the widow is told to scrape off all the hair on her head and wear black clothes as a means of mourning. This happens in some parts of Africa.


The more the widow mourns, the more people take advantage of her. In that state, she's liable to be deceived easily and if she's not a strong willed person, she may give in. The worst scenarios are always those of women who are very weak and soft hearted. They give in and are tossed around as pleased.  
https://images.pexels.com/photos/8986923/pexels-photo-8986923.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&dpr=1&w=500
[Pexel](https://images.pexels.com/photos/8986923/pexels-photo-8986923.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&dpr=1&w=500)

I would love to believe that this doesn't happen in most African homes, but I would be lying to myself. 
The men are always seen as the head of the family. The protectors. The breadwinners and all in all, as such, people capitalize on their demise, but of resent, there has been a REVOLUTION.


Two things are involved. It's either the widow gives in or she doesn't give in, it's a matter of strong-will and determination. In the past, the widows would wear black clothes and cry from dusk till dawn thinking about a whole lot of things like how to cope with the new life, the loss of a companion, raising the kids alone. It always seemed like the beginning of the end. Moving to the present, I think the 'frailty' is being substituted with strong-will. You see widows standing their grounds and 'manning up' to say. I get so proud when I hear stories like 'the relatives tried to suppress me and capitalize on my  frailty but I stood tall and took what is rightfully mine'. Such stories get me happy. Girl power!
https://images.pexels.com/photos/8986721/pexels-photo-8986721.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&dpr=1&w=500
[Pexel](https://images.pexels.com/photos/8986721/pexels-photo-8986721.jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysrgb&dpr=1&w=500)

When you're weak, you're frail. When you're easily tossed about, you're frail.  When one could tell you to swallow your thoughts and ideas and you swallow them, you're frail. When a person places you in a position you feel uncomfortable in and you don't complain, you're frail. We need to learn how to stand our grounds. We need to learn how to be strong-willed.




Thank you for reading..

With love, wongi😊
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