Strong boundaries - the best tool for dealing with abusive people by wwf

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ungrip · @wwf · Feb 28 '18

$9.51

Strong boundaries - the best tool for dealing with abusive people

<html>
<p>For individuals who want to self-govern and live peaceful lives, strong boundaries are going to be critical in that journey. &nbsp;It is very difficult to set those boundaries but it is possible to set them and most importantly, protect them. &nbsp;If we support one another in this goal, we can find ways to overcome the reactions of our abusers. &nbsp;If we engage in their violence we just feed the conflict and escalate it. &nbsp;Instead, I've learned to confront it, say 'NO' and walk away peacefully. &nbsp;</p>
<p><img src="https://i.imgsafe.org/75/75d00e5cb1.jpeg" width="579" height="695"/></p>
<p>I just had somebody mock and laugh at me, suggesting that I go else where. &nbsp;He violated my boundaries in a violent attempt to deflect or squash my confrontation of violent behaviour!</p>
<blockquote>"I love the words you use: Punishment, violence, coercion, morals, theft, moral code. &nbsp;LMAO: You seem to be slightly extreme for a social media platform." ... "If you don’t agree, then maybe this isn’t the place for you."</blockquote>
<p>Does he really 'love' my words or was he being sarcastic? &nbsp;Sarcasm is often used as a covert violent way of manipulating people. &nbsp;By mocking the words, actions or feelings of others we attempt to demean, devalue or diminish the other individual in order to conquer or win an argument or demote the other individuals social standing so that our own standing increases. &nbsp;</p>
<p>Laughing is also a very powerful covert violent way of doing the same thing. &nbsp;Mocking or engaging in shame or guilt are very common covert violent attempts to manipulate and control other people. &nbsp;</p>
<p>I've spoken about these types of behaviours for nearly 20 years. &nbsp;People engage in behaviours like this without even realizing what they are doing. &nbsp;It is so unconscious that it has infiltrated our day-to-day lives. &nbsp;It is now socially acceptable and even encouraged by the majority of people.</p>
<p>For me, this type of behaviour sticks out like an atomic bomb mushroom cloud in the middle of a city. &nbsp;It is obvious for me because I used to behave like this and I did a LOT of work to remedy that abusive behaviour. &nbsp;On social media I take a zero tolerance approach. &nbsp;If somebody treats me or others like that, I confront, mute or block them. &nbsp;</p>
<p>If friends or family try that, I will confront them and help them work through it. &nbsp;But if the behaviour continues I say good bye. &nbsp;</p>
<p>Why take such a strong approach? &nbsp;Because I love myself and I do not deserve to be treated in this way. &nbsp;I love others and they don't deserve to be treated in this way either! &nbsp;Violence is violent and it does not matter if it manifests physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. &nbsp;It does not matter if it was done to my face or through tools that allow the violence to be transmitted across the planet. &nbsp;</p>
<p>I share this process openly with people because if we all took a similar approach, then we would start to find peace in this world. &nbsp;The bullies have ruled for far too long and it is time to say 'enough is enough'. &nbsp;</p>
<p>'NO' is the word and we need to start using it to rebuke those who engage in violence, whether it is consciously or subconsciously. &nbsp;Violence is justified and even legalized through the state and other protocols. &nbsp;</p>
<p>NO MORE!!!</p>
<p>It is my boundaries that determined that I could no longer participate with the state. &nbsp;That relationship is abusive and I said NO! &nbsp;It is my boundaries that also determine that I had to live on the land as I was being abusive to others through my demands for goods and services. &nbsp;Almost everything we do is violent. &nbsp;While I recognize that it is difficult to end it all, I will do all that I can to end it. &nbsp;</p>
<p>I know many people who struggle as the violence is being exposed for what it really is. &nbsp;We even see it here on this platform. &nbsp;This is a very uncomfortable and painful process but we must go through it if we want peace. &nbsp;Please protect yourself if you struggle with PTSD or other sensitivities as a result of violence in your own life. &nbsp;</p>
<p>I speak from the other side as I am at peace with myself and I've done a lot of work to heal. &nbsp;It pains me to witness the violence and so I speak up and confront those who engage in that behaviour as I know many cannot. &nbsp;Am I "slightly extreme for a social media platform"? &nbsp;</p>
<p>Nope. &nbsp;</p>
<p>The violence that people engage in is extreme! &nbsp;The more people stand up to this kind of behaviour the sooner the shift will happen. &nbsp;The unveiling is unfolding. &nbsp;All the violence is going to be exposed and it will look very ugly. &nbsp;But it is a critical part of the healing process. &nbsp;If we ignore or avoid this process, we won't allow the healing to take place.</p>
<p><br></p>
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@blaineb · Feb 28 '18

Very well written as always.

👍 blaineb

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@cheema1 · Feb 28 '18

$0.06

You have highlighted an important issue which is faced by many people. You have every right to live by your own justified thoughts and actions. Freedom of speech is the corner stone to live a happy and free life.

You are right strong  boundaries are needed to protect ones freedom. No body has right to sabotage other's freedom by sarcasm or violence. The only way to protect ones freedom is to stick by his/her principles and live peacefully and let live others by their ways unless they tress pass other's boundaries.

Thank you for educating the principles to live a happy and secure life.

👍 wwf

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@wwf · Mar 2 '18

You have highlighted the basic principles of self-governance which re-enforces Christ level consciousness.  Bravo brother.  May Creator bless you my friend as you explore the full meaning and scope of what you just shared!

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@earthmother · Mar 1 '18 (edited)

$0.07

No... so powerful and necessary for healthy boundaries.  I struggled for years.  Still do at times. 
I started with..."let me think on that" then I would stew on it.  Self doubt.. would take root.
Then I moved into "that doesn't resonate with me". That would open up dialogue. Often brow beating with excuses or explanation of trying to convince me, or soften boundaries.
Now, like you, NO. Period. 
I often think age and wisdom play a part. 
I am sorry that people mock you, disrespect you, and laugh.  
I have come the realization that people can only hear you from the level they are at. All in divine order. 
Stepping off the soap box now...lol
Much respect for sharing.

👍 wwf

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@wwf · Mar 2 '18

$0.13

I'm sorry that they did that too, but it does not take much time any more for me to forgive them, shed that negative energy and move on.  What used to take me years now takes me a few hours.  Part of the learning process.  :)

Much like what you shared as well.  Bravo my friend for finding ways to take back your power and authority in order to exercise it in a healthy way.  

Sounds like you are ready to be an elder.  Time to step back onto that soap box my friend.  <3

👍 earthmother

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@firststeps · Mar 1 '18

$0.05

Most people limit the definition of violence to the physical realm but I am glad that you continually challenge that premise. I’ve seen and experienced firsthand the affects of all kinds of violence. 

I built walls that actually limited my own fulfillment but failed to build proper boundaries for my own protection. The end result -  an overactive nervous system aka Fibromyalgia.  

Your posts soothe my soul and give me hope of healing.

👍 wwf

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@wwf · Mar 2 '18

$0.07

I continue to be moved as people like you testify to how my work is impacting lives.  But the real work is done by people like you as you embrace life and find the true power, authority and jurisdiction within.  It is a tough journey but it sounds like you are doing the work and you are finding peace and healing through that journey.  Keep going!  You are doing great.  I look forward to hearing your testimony as you stand witness to the process that you are experiencing.  May you lead by example by showing people how you have grown as a result of the work that you have done, are doing and will do!  May creator bless you with peace, freedom, prosperity, joy and love.  

May your spirit guide and lead the process.  <3

👍 firststeps

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@imran498 · Feb 28 '18

@wwf , You discussed aspect of life very nicely to get peace.

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@pataty69 · Feb 28 '18

I want live in peace when If somebody treats me with violence of any kind, I ignore, sometimes I change my way mute or block them its another solution
I never answer ore get into conflit

👍 wwf

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@sizuka · Feb 28 '18

1st one is the best one!!
its too good!!

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@themanwithnoname · Mar 1 '18

The first "what" is the best one?

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@wwf · Mar 2 '18

What are you talking about?  Please use more words so that you can articulate yourself.  Your comments are way too short and confusing which does not serve anybody or add value to the conversation or to the currency being generated by our work. This also does not help the community either.

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@taskmaster4450 · Feb 28 '18

$0.20

It often takes a lot more strength to walk away then it does to smash someone's head in (literally or metaphorically).  This is really true for those we are close to.  It is hard to deal with close ones who simply enter into the realm you described.  We feel a sense of loss, even betrayal.

Nevertheless, we each are on our own path.  One can guide, instruct, and share but it ultimately comes down to the choice of an individual.  

For me, it is very simple...something is either uplifting or it makes me feel worse.  This comes in all areas of life including here.  When I read something, if it is powerful, it will move me.  Sadly, not everything written is uplifting.  Much of what we see on here is downright degrading...filled with anger, fear, and hatred.  

As you said, it is often masked in humor or sarcasm (which I read is unresolved anger by the way). 

Another deep and thoughtful post.

👍 wwf, earthmother

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@wwf · Feb 28 '18

$0.14

Another deep and thoughtful response!  You are right and I contemplated writing about mourning as that is what I experience whenever I have to say good bye to somebody.  It is not just about when people die, but when relationships end as well.  I don't take relationships lightly but I take my boundaries seriously and having to say good bye is, at times, the most healthy thing we can do.

👍 taskmaster4450, roundhouseranch

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@taskmaster4450 · Feb 28 '18

$0.02

The question is do you allow them back in?

And under what parameters?

Sure people can change but most often they remain the same.  And when one reveals truly what is inside, that necessitates the saying good bye, how can you be sure the person changed and isnt just masking it?

👍 wwf

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1 reply

@themanwithnoname · Mar 1 '18

$0.02

That's really true, it's important to have healthy boundaries. If people won't respect your boundaries, then you remove yourself from the situation. For family and close friends, it's often more beneficial for everyone to confront the behavior and explain that you need to be treated with respect, but most of us don't have time to do that with everyone who crosses us. Sometimes it's just easier to move on without them.

👍 wwf

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@wwf · Mar 2 '18

Well said my friend.  <3

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@ugetfunded · Feb 28 '18

$0.15

Can we help decrease the amount of negative instances by creating awareness? I think we can.
>  People engage in behaviours like this without even realizing what they are doing. 

We never met but I have been trying to know you through your writings and I strongly believe that you are the right fit for any of the social media platform. If social media world has more people like you, it would become easier to create awareness and positive behavior. 
>I speak from the other side as I am at peace with myself and I've done a lot of work to heal.  It pains me to witness the violence and so I speak up and confront those who engage in that behaviour as I know many cannot.  Am I "slightly extreme for a social media platform"?  

The world has become *global village* and we're living in the most advanced times of the human history and still all I saw today at Facebook was killings of Syrians. I'm not talking about verbal violence rather mass murders of humans. How can I draw a line for such a violence so that I could continue enjoying my life regardless of what's happening in the world?

👍 wwf

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@taskmaster4450 · Feb 28 '18

$0.20

> How can I draw a line for such a violence so that I could continue enjoying my life regardless of what's happening in the world?

It is a very simply, but not easy, process.  Being aware of the tragedies in the world does not mean you have to emotionally invest yourself in what is taking place.  We are all saddened by a great many things.  However, the answer to what is taking place is not "out there".  Rather, it is within you.

So the question is, when getting upset about something like that, where are you a "killer" in your life?  What "atrocities" do you commit?  

Now I am not implying by those questions that you commit acts such as that.  But, where do you attack others verbally or even mentally?  Do you do it in traffic when cut off?  Do you get angry and say verbally offensive things to people...degrade them?  Where are you sarcastic? 

Note that I can replace "you" in these questions with "I'".

The point is the outer world is a reflection upon our inner.  The one reason I get so moved by violence is that I can jump into that wagon very quickly.  That ability still resides within me and can be triggered at any moment.  It is a continual process that I must engage upon to keep improving.

The behavior we carry anywhere is the behavior we carry everywhere.  

People think this is just a social media site...it is an example of what we allow ourselves to do.

👍 wwf, earthmother

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@wwf · Feb 28 '18

Well said.  I know that is why covert violence triggers me.  It is because I am a master at that form of manipulation and worked hard to heal so that I don't engage in it ever again.  As a result, I am forever vigilant to ensure that I don't, which makes it very easy for me to see it in others.  

I know that this is something that I have to be forever vigilant for the rest of my life.  Having the support around us to ensure that our friends confront us should we slip up is the highest form of friendship.  A true friend would call you on your shit.  Friends don't join in on the behaviours.  

I will call upon you and I pray that you will call upon me!

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@wwf · Feb 28 '18

It is my experience my friend that when we declare peace, remove ourselves from abusive relationships and work hard at being peaceful and confronting violence, life changes.  When we accept full responsibility and accountability for our actions, don't blame others and return to Creator and Mother Earth to provide for our needs, life changes.  

As a result, we live in peace despite the world.  We cannot change 'them'.  But we can influence 'them' by walking the path, sharing our stories and leading by example.  Be the change!

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