transactions | 0. | ref_block_num | 45,264 |
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ref_block_prefix | 1,407,460,070 |
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expiration | 2021-07-27 16:23:12 |
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1. | owner | teamsmooth-mm |
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orderid | 1,000 |
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amount_to_sell | 45.000 HBD |
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min_to_receive | 140.317 HIVE |
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fill_or_kill | false |
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1. | ref_block_num | 45,247 |
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expiration | 2021-07-27 16:32:39 |
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operations | 0. | 0. | custom_json |
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required_posting_auths | |
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id | sm_submit_team |
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json | {"trx_id":"d254513e2e141f2a37e20c4d9dcde4ba4e302b32","team_hash":"f40039246eb0feafa5222e94d2e2ce6b","summoner":"starter-38-KOPgm","monsters":["starter-37-cSIiM","starter-147-EEqOZ","starter-148-FQMBW","starter-149-rOZB6","starter-194-wn2jM","starter-64-d9mv0"],"secret":"zS30QfWae9","app":"splinterlands/0.7.123"} |
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transaction_id | 9d733cc7ac8c70d89fa7369f671a996ada6cf92c |
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2. | ref_block_num | 45,248 |
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author | taskmaster4450 |
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permlink | speak-zhudpofh |
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3. | ref_block_num | 45,247 |
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operations | 0. | 0. | custom_json |
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required_posting_auths | |
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id | sm_team_reveal |
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json | {"trx_id":"704cbad8c6617706e8c0a78218d725a0b9ba6851","summoner":"starter-49-GJ0ZC","monsters":["starter-50-LXCvR","starter-52-Ivy8b","starter-194-AsZuS","starter-141-44B9v","starter-51-iPS1i","starter-138-yVO0I"],"secret":"fDswc3wZXn","app":"SplinterDroid/Zues/0.1.7/"} |
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4. | ref_block_num | 45,249 |
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1. | required_auths | |
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required_posting_auths | [] |
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json | [{"contractName":"market","contractAction":"cancel","contractPayload":{"type":"sell","id":"95a1263c2b50c2acf22b810f2ddaf1a256f74321-2"}},{"contractName":"market","contractAction":"cancel","contractPayload":{"type":"buy","id":"95a1263c2b50c2acf22b810f2ddaf1a256f74321-3"}},{"contractName":"market","contractAction":"sell","contractPayload":{"symbol":"SWAP.LTC","quantity":"2.19919279","price":"419.99713845"}},{"contractName":"market","contractAction":"buy","contractPayload":{"symbol":"SWAP.LTC","quantity":"12.64500935","price":"379.32715748"}}] |
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extensions | [] |
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required_posting_auths | |
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id | sm_find_match |
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json | {"match_type":"Ranked","app":"Catnet"} |
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extensions | [] |
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6. | ref_block_num | 45,233 |
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author | oadissin |
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permlink | re-activistpost-2021727t17243924z |
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weight | 10,000 |
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extensions | [] |
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operations | 0. | 0. | custom_json |
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1. | required_auths | [] |
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required_posting_auths | |
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id | sm_team_reveal |
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json | {"trx_id":"8b2d9324ff5d053c70779e38f6c4defe78a75c32","summoner":"starter-5-2Fvoq","monsters":["starter-162-nQoAE","starter-6-Gkvqr","C3-242-02ITZIZ17K","starter-1-Kpxsg","starter-62-uxMVC","C3-289-D2F2M1XHS0"],"secret":"54562dcd95","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.116"} |
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1. | required_auths | [] |
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1. | required_auths | [] |
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json | {"trx_id":"088c9e389e3b9dd3ce5e4853467364281b70a26f","team_hash":"216f1da62d799cd26cdeba81684adcc8","summoner":"starter-16-IjYdZ","monsters":["starter-13-48Rns","starter-17-abuqG","starter-66-3RyMz","starter-12-u6nSD"],"secret":"ca75d20880","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.116"} |
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1. | required_auths | [] |
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json | {"trx_id":"2d8b668cd87267647c8c4754d8cd9455e7ce9343","summoner":"starter-224-thOLI","monsters":["starter-64-nPSIn","C4-158-DC9MT91BZK","C3-131-BPQ8YR7368","C3-212-4584MANL80"],"secret":"3f2e0f9e68","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.89"} |
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json | {"match_type":"Ranked","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.116"} |
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ref_block_prefix | 4,270,576,745 |
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1. | required_auths | [] |
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required_posting_auths | |
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json | {"match_type":"Ranked","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.116"} |
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1. | required_auths | [] |
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json | {"trx_id":"8658edaed4f9c41d075d22a7dbd921566c48291e","team_hash":"75e584db4132d0e9f64871d50c96725f","summoner":"G5-260-MSHVXJDBV4","monsters":["starter-6-EP3vf","starter-60-zDVOT","C3-104-NMR4LL3YQO","C3-228-39709QPY0W","C3-289-4KH9M4PUVK","starter-4-N5Jn2"],"secret":"c16497d130","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.116"} |
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expiration | 2021-07-27 16:32:42 |
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operations | 0. | 0. | transfer |
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1. | from | peak.beacon |
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to | peak.beacon |
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amount | 0.001 HIVE |
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memo | "Old programmers never die. They simply give up their resources" |
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1. | required_auths | [] |
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required_posting_auths | |
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json | {"match_type":"Ranked","app":"steemmonsters/0.7.116"} |
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1. | required_auths | [] |
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1. | parent_author | ricardo993 |
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parent_permlink | taltahim-aldhikrayat |
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author | jayna |
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permlink | re-ricardo993-qwww5u |
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title | "" |
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body | "Thanks for joining the contest @ricardo993. I love this story line. It's very clever and imaginative. In addition to @agmoore's great comments, I will add some thoughts for you as you refine your story:
**Overall writing style**
You have written your entire story in narrative, with very little action or dialog. This means we are "told" the entire story, vs. being involved in the story. I have two articles you might want to read in our [catalog of fiction writing tips](https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/catalog-of-fiction-writing-tips-from-the-ink-well: [Show, Don't Tell](https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/writing-tip-of-the-week-5-is-show-don-t-tell-a-writing-rule) and [Action, Dialog and Narrative: The Dynamic Trio](https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/writing-tip-of-the-week-26-action-dialog-and-narrative-the-dynamic-trio).
Consider how you might integrate more action and dialog. That brings me to my second thought for you...
**Plot Hole**
A plot hole is a critical inconsistency or plot alignment problem in a story. The plot hole in your story is that our narrator could not possibly write the first part, as he cannot remember it. If that content was written as diary entries, then it would work. You could inform us that these are diary entries by writing them all in italics, or writing them *as if* he was writing it at the time it occurred. You can then shift to the telling of the story as his observations after the diary entries, and we will understand that the narrator is reading what he wrote in the past.
Here is an example of what I mean:
> I was so in love with her that I wasn't the typical guy to buy her coffee or ice cream. I took her to the mountains, and I have to say, I'm a hiking fanatic, so much so that before I met her I spent a lot of time alone.
This is written as a reminiscence of the past, not as a diary entry, which might go more like this:
> Today I took my love to the mountains, where we strolled and enjoyed the mountain air and the flowers. I took her soft hand in mind, wanting with all my heart to ask her to stay with me for the rest of her life.
> "Would you..." I began to say. But I was too shy and unprepared to ask the question.
See how this would give you the opportunity to make it clear that this is a diary entry, while also adding action and dialog?
*Meeting Tadhkir**
The description of Tadhkir could be strengthened. Is this creature good or evil?
The trade-off of survival for his memories of the love of his life is very good. You have done well with that. But the long narrative sections in your story, and the limited description of the beautiful creature serve to reduce its impact.
*Other editorial notes**
* For Takhkir, you sometimes use female pronouns (she, her, hers) and sometimes use male pronouns (he, him, his). Be sure to convert them all to female pronouns if the creature is female.
* Be careful of describing anything as "beautiful." This can be a useful word, but it tends to be over-used, and it is essentially meaningless without detail. You describe both Takhkir and the oasis as beautiful. I would omit the word, and go directly to your much nicer descriptions, like "With a myriad of sweet and crystalline lakes. There the green and the bluish competed to dazzle." You also use beauty and beautiful in the last lines of the story. They lose their impact with each subsequent mention. Maybe limit use to one, where it is most important.
* Why do we not learn Lorianis' name at the very beginning? Consider giving her more life by telling us her name early in the story and letting her speak. Dark curls and a piggy nose do not fully describe a person, or give us a reason to believe the narrator's love for her. But if she teases him, runs away laughing, looks out over a green valley and thanks him for taking her to this place of wonder, then we sense her as a person.
* Be sure to write in complete sentences. Here are a few examples of sentences that are not complete:
> With a myriad of sweet and crystalline lakes.
> The beauty of the mountains, of the coasts, and the innumerable repertoire of beautiful things that exist.
You have the makings of a very good story here, @ricardo993. Good luck in the contest! " |
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