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author | rlathulerie |
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title | "Will I be Able to Control it? [Eng/Esp]" |
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body | "<div class="text-justify">
Anxiety is as difficult to explain as it is to control. Many times I am asked what it feels like, what you are afraid of or what worries you and the truth is that sometimes we ourselves do not have answers to any of those questions, in fact, we ask ourselves those same questions and many others, among them *"Will I be able to overcome this?"*.
>La ansiedad es tan difÃcil de explicar como de controlar. Muchas veces me preguntan qué se siente, a qué le tienes miedo o qué te preocupa y la verdad es que a veces nosotros mismos no tenemos respuestas para ninguna de esas preguntas, de hecho, nosotros nos hacemos ésas mismas preguntas y muchas otras, entre ellas *¿"Seré capaz de superar esto?"*.
<center>![img_0.9897414333619202.jpg](https://images.ecency.com/DQmTgaLvcZPkWodyuPFkYsxrVFhepxZs6Ycv1HZCJRjpbLw/img_0.9897414333619202.jpg)</center>
<center>Imágen por/Image by: Canva</center>
For me this path has not been easy and questions like the ones above were asked to my mother and my husband who have suffered from anxiety (my mother is still on medication) and the truth was totally incomprehensible to me that a person from nowhere would feel that he/she was going to die, especially knowing that he/she was suffering from a panic attack or anxiety crisis.
<br>All those questions hit me hard in the face when it was my turn to walk the same path. I couldn't understand it, much less accept it, but there I was sitting on the floor of the shower feeling like I was going to die and even though I knew that wasn't what was happening I couldn't calm the fear that was taking hold of me.
<br>I finally decided it was time to seek professional help after more than a year of almost self-medicating. I had good moments and others in which I spent weeks with that scare in my chest, that pressure, that anguish that you do not know what it is due to, but I was getting over it. Or rather, I got used to it. Until I collapsed.
<br>I made an appointment with the psychiatrist and started treatment. Sertraline and Clonazepam were the two medications indicated by the doctor and a new appointment for the following month.
<br>The medication did not take effect immediately as I wanted but little by little I felt better, although I must say that they did not go away completely but they were less frequent and definitely manageable.
>Para mi éste camino no ha sido nada fácil y preguntas como las de arriba se las hacÃa a mi mamá y mi esposo quienes han sufrido de ansiedad (mi madre aún se medica) y la verdad me resultaba totalmente incomprensible que una persona de la nada sintiese que se va a morir, sobre todo sabiendo que estaba sufriendo un ataque de pánico o crisis de ansiedad.
>Todas esas preguntas me golpearon fuerte en la cara cuando me tocó transitar el mismo camino. No lo podÃa entender y mucho menos aceptar pero ahà estaba yo sentada en el suelo de la ducha sintiendo que me iba a morir y aunque sabÃa que no era eso lo que estaba sucediendo no lograba calmar ese miedo que se apoderaba de mÃ.
>Finalmente decidà que era hora de buscar ayuda profesional luego de estar más de un año casi que automedicándome. TenÃa momentos buenos y otros en los que pasaba semanas con ése susto en el pecho, ésa presión, ésa angustia que no sabes a qué se debe, pero lo fuà sobrellevando. Mejor dicho, me fuà acostumbrando. Hasta que colapsé.
>Tomé un turno con la psiquiatra e inicié tratamiento. Sertralina y Clonazepan fueron los dos medicamentos indicados por la doctora y una nueva cita para el mes siguiente.
>La medicación no hizo efecto de inmediato como yo querÃa pero poco a poco me fuà sintiendo mejor, aunque debo decir que no se fueron del todo los ataques de pánico, pero eran menos frecuentes y definitivamente manejables.
<center>![img_0.9468469740154816.jpg](https://images.ecency.com/DQmRfZNGo92tJ9REQPdJU2WcVLYc8QN6vcDknM9aswBZWfc/img_0.9468469740154816.jpg)</center>
<center>Imágen por/Image by: Canva</center>
The first check-up came and I was really much better. Nothing to do with the person who a month ago was sitting in front of the doctor, overcome with tears. Just the fact that I was able to talk without crying felt like an accomplishment. So when she asked me how I was doing, without hesitation I said *"much, much better "* and a few minutes later I regretted having said it.
<br>The doctor informed me that in view of the improvement we would withdraw a dose and all the calm I had felt up to that moment threatened to disappear. Inside me I was thinking *"Ya vaaaa, wait a minute! How are you going to take away what is good for me?
<br>Of course I didn't keep quiet and I told the doctor exactly how I felt and the feeling had no other name than FEAR, I was afraid of feeling bad again, of having another crisis like the one that had brought me there. The truth was that I was terrified.
>Asà llegó el primer control y realmente yo estaba mucho mejor. Nada que ver con la persona que hace un mes estaba sentada frente a la doctora superada por el llanto. El sólo hecho de haber podido hablar sin llorar lo sentàcomo un logro. Asà que cuando me preguntó cómo estaba sin dudar dije *"muchÃsimo mejor"* y a los pocos minutos me arrepentà de haberlo dicho.
>La doctora me informó que en vista de la mejorÃa retirarÃamos una dosis y fue asà como toda la calma que habÃa sentido hasta ése momento amenazaba con desaparecer. Dentro de mà pensaba *"Ya vaaaa, espera un momento! ¿Cómo vas a quitarme lo que me está haciendo bien?"*.
>Por supuesto no me quedé callada y le dije a la doctora exactamente cómo me sentÃa y el sentimiento no tenÃa otro nombre que MIEDO. TenÃa miedo de volver a sentirme mal, de tener otra crisis como la que me habÃa llevado hasta ahÃ. La verdad yo estaba aterrada.
<center>![img_0.4173638412523348.jpg](https://images.ecency.com/DQmSjJDrdTYcUuDP5CsGuAZ9Xf6LAUdgfx4gfJoYE4whKD8/img_0.4173638412523348.jpg)</center>
<center>Imágen por/Image by: Canva</center>
I had been taking three doses of clonazepam a day (half a pill at each dose) and the doctor wanted to stop only the morning and evening dose, which was unacceptable to me. I never wanted to feel like that again.Â
<br>Apparently that was non-negotiable and at that moment all I could think was *"You and your big mouth, couldn't you keep quiet? I regretted a thousand times that I had said I felt *"very good "*. Now what was I going to do?
<br>The doctor explained to me that clonazepam could not be used for prolonged periods of time and I was so distressed that I thought she was lying to me because my mother took it for many, many years without any problems. But I decided to do just as he said and trust that the medication along with everything else I was doing would be enough and as it happened the previous time he scheduled me for the following month.
<br>I came home quite worried, I was really afraid to take that dose but there was no other way, was there? So I did it.
<br>The first week I was super nervous, I did not know how it could affect me and that began to generate some anxiety that thank God I was able to handle and as the days went by it disappeared completely.
<br>I think that in the whole process some changes that I started to implement in my day to day life were a great help.
<br>For example, I was much busier than usual since the beginning of the treatment coincided with the return of my children to their extracurricular activities. So every afternoon I had something to do, something to keep my mind and time occupied, which ended up being a blessing.
>VenÃa tomando tres dosis de Clonazepam al dÃa (media pastilla en cada toma) y la doctora querÃa dejar sólo la de la mañana y la noche lo que para mà era inaceptable. No querÃa volver a sentirme asà nunca más.Â
>Al parecer aquello no era negociable y en ése momento sólo pensaba *"Tú y tu gran boca. ¿No podÃas quedarte callada?"*. Me arrepentàuna y mil veces de haber dicho me sentÃa *"muy bien"*. ¿Ahora qué iba a hacer?.
>La Doctora me explicó que el Clonazepam no se podÃa usar por perÃodos prolongados y yo estaba tan angustiada que pensaba me mentÃa porque mi mamá lo tomó por muchÃsimos años sin problemas. Pero decidà hacer justo lo que me decÃa y confiar en que la medicación junto con todo lo demás que estaba haciendo serÃan suficientes y como ocurrió la vez anterior me citó para el mes siguiente.
>Llegué a casa bastante preocupada, tenÃa muchÃsimo temor de retirar esa dosis pero no habÃa de otra ¿no?. Asà que lo hice.
>La primera semana estuve súper nerviosa, no sabÃa cómo me podÃa afectar y eso comenzó a generar algo de ansiedad que gracias a Dios pude manejar y con el paso de los dÃas desapareció por completo.
> Creo que en todo el proceso estaban siendo de gran ayuda algunos cambios que comencé a implementar en mi dÃa a dÃa.
>Por ejemplo, estaba mucho más ocupada que de costumbre ya que el inicio del tratamiento coincidió con el retorno de mis hijos a sus actividades extra académicas. Asà que todas las tardes tenÃa algo que hacer, algo en que tener mi mente y tiempo ocupados, lo cual terminó siendo toda una bendición.
<center>![img_0.03827771512238487.jpg](https://images.ecency.com/DQmYvNtPY5BzoCD184f96ZmKUBQHzmgU7J1uRmQThqD1a1q/img_0.03827771512238487.jpg)</center>
<center>Imágen por/Image by: Canva</center>
Getting back to my normal life, to my pre-pandemic routines was definitely a positive thing for me.
<br>On the other hand, I started to work on my sleep. I really slept very little and I know that lack of rest is fatal for the nervous system, so on the doctor's recommendation I made it a point to go to sleep at ten o'clock at night, ten thirty at the latest.
<br>Another thing I started to do was to prioritize my daily activities. What deserved immediate attention and what could wait. This allowed me to keep a certain order and not to be unnecessarily anxious about things that I knew could wait.
<br>I must say that it is not an easy task, but with some practice and many conversations with myself (many times I was scolded) I was able to understand that nothing would happen if I did not post at the time I wanted, that the world would not fall apart if I did not answer that message just when it arrived.
<br>And yes, things as simple as not being able to answer a message the moment I receive it makes me anxious. But I keep working on it and setting that order of priorities helps me a lot to keep my anxiety under control.
<br>Anyway, it's an everyday job and I was doing it consciously but as the next appointment approached the anxiety came back. I was anxious at the thought of getting another dose of clonazepam and I couldn't even imagine what I was in for.
>Volver a mi vida normal, a mis rutinas de antes de la pandemia definitivamente fue algo positivo para mÃ.
>Por otro lado comencé a trabajar con mis horas de sueño. Realmente dormÃa muy poco y sé que la falta de descanso es fatal para el sistema nervioso, asà que por recomendación de la doctora me propuse dormir a las diez de la noche, más tardar diez y media.
>Otra cosa que comencé a hacer fue establecer un orden de prioridades a mis actividades diarias. Qué ameritaba atención inmediata y qué podÃa esperar. Eso me permitÃa llevar cierto orden y no angustiarme innecesariamente por cosas que sabÃa podÃan esperar.
>Debo decir que no es tarea fácil, pero con algo de práctica y muchas conversaciones conmigo misma (regaños muchas veces) pude entender que no pasaba nada si no publicaba a la hora que querÃa, que no se iba a caer el mundo si no respondÃa ése mensaje justo cuando llegaba.
>Y sÃ, cosas tan sencillas como no poder responder un mensaje en el momento en que lo recibo me genera ansiedad. Pero sigo trabajando en eso y establecer ese orden de prioridades me ayuda mucho a mantener la ansiedad bajo control.
>En fin, es un trabajo de todos los dÃas y lo estuve haciendo de manera consciente pero a medida que se acercaba la próxima cita la ansiedad volvió. Me angustiaba pensar me quitarÃan otra dosis de Clonazepam y ni siquiera imaginaba lo que me esperaba.
<center>![img_0.7330507321571903.jpg](https://images.ecency.com/DQmf5ovfAErLS8rmxBNpt1YZuaN894m74nNDXdSSimdAwX8/img_0.7330507321571903.jpg)</center>
<center>Imágen por/Image by: Canva</center>
Upon arrival at the consultation the usual questions, how are these, how have you been feeling, how did you do with the medication adjustment and then the pump!
<br>*"I will give you a schedule to phase out the clonazepam completely"*. You can imagine how I felt at that moment. I was worried about being weaned off a dose and was being told that I would only be on the medication for 15 more days.
<br>At that moment I was torn between two feelings. On the one hand I was happy because the difference from that visit to the first one was really earth shattering, but on the other hand I was very anxious about what was going to happen when I stopped the medication. *Would I be able to handle it?
<br>With that doubt I went home and when I got home I did the math and made my schedule. Every five days I would take a dose and trust God that everything would be okay. I still had the Sertraline, so I was not quite "alone".
<br>Every time I withdrew a dose, that first day was a lot of anguish and being very aware of my reaction. It was really a struggle, especially trying not to think about it, which in the end was what worked.
>Al llegar a la consulta las preguntas habituales, cómo éstas, cómo te has sentido, cómo te fue con el ajuste del medicamento y luego la bomba!
>*"Te daré un esquema para retirar progresivamente el Clonazepam por completo"*. Se podrán imaginar cómo me sentà en ése momento. Yo que estaba preocupada porque me retiraran una dosis me estaban informando que sólo estarÃa 15 dÃas más con el medicamento.
>En ése momento navegaba entre dos sentimientos. Por un lado estaba feliz porque realmente la diferencia de esa consulta a la primera fue de la tierra a la luna peeeero por otro lado estaba muy angustiada por lo que iba a suceder al dejar el medicamento. *"¿SerÃa capaz de poder manejarlo?"*
>Con esa duda me fui a casa y al llegar saqué cuentas e hice mi cronograma. Cada cinco dÃas retirarÃa una dosis y confÃe en Dios en que todo seguirÃa bien. Aún tenÃa la Sertralina, asà que no estaba del todo "sola".
>Cada vez que retiraba una dosis, ése primer dÃa era de mucha angustia y estar muy al pendiente de mi reacción. Realmente fue una lucha, sobre todo tratar de no pensar en eso, que al final fue lo que dió resultado.
<center>![img_0.17939781518969455.jpg](https://images.ecency.com/DQmQb4xnoT9v7kKHMMyDUFVZ5XqkqtiueTA9WEg4R18M3uX/img_0.17939781518969455.jpg)</center>
<center>Imágen por/Image by: Canva</center>
I have been off clonazepam for two weeks now and although thankfully everything has been manageable, there are things as simple as not sleeping well one day that cause me anxiety. I try to keep away from my mind and my life anything that can disturb me or be a cause of anxiety.
<br>I am now more aware that I am affected by what I allow to affect me. Although I cannot control what others do, what I can control is how I react to it, and whether I let it affect me or not.
<br>I have learned to thank God every time I feel that feeling in my chest that announces a panic attack is coming. I take a deep breath and I am thankful for everything I have, I talk to God and to myself. I challenge myself if necessary and little by little calm comes back.
<br>I don't know if it will always work, I don't know if I will always be able to overcome it so I keep asking myself *"Will I be able to? "*.
<br>And the truth is that at the moment I have no answer, I hope so, but for now I will continue to do everything necessary to be well, first for me and then for my family.
<br>Kisses and blessings
>Hace ya dos semanas que dejé el Clonazepam y aunque gracias a Dios todo ha sido manejable, hay cosas tan simples como no dormir bien un dÃa, que me causan ansiedad. Trato de mantener alejada de mi mente y de mi vida todo lo que me pueda perturbar o ser motivo de ansiedad.
>Ahora soy más consciente que me afecta lo que yo permito me afecte. Que aunque no puedo controlar lo que hacen los demás lo que sà puedo controlar es cómo reacciono ante eso, y si dejo que me afecte o no.
>He aprendido a agradecer a Dios cada vez que siento esa sensación en el pecho que me anuncia que viene un ataque de pánico. Respiro profundo y agradezco por cada cosa que tengo, hablo con Dios y conmigo misma. Me reto si es necesario y poco a poco vuelve la calma.
>No sé si siempre vaya a funcionar, no sé si siempre podré superarlo asà que me sigo preguntando *"¿Seré capaz?"*.
>Y la verdad es que de momento no tengo respuesta, espero que sÃ. Por lo pronto seguiré haciendo todo lo necesario para estar bien, primeramente por mày luego por mi familia.
>Besitos y bendiciones
</div>
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Edición por:| Edtion by:
@rlathulerie on Canva
***
Traducido con:| Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)" |
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