Oh my! A brutal ending!

How often have fictional stories become reality?  I would not bet my tokens against things going this way.

I enjoyed reading this a lot, sent here via @v4vapid's competition results - well done to you!

This is a scary prospect to imagine living in. I have shivers. Again. And the delivery is so well done. Still love it, Neg!

Reading your story at just the time we are told of the number of corporations who demand their employees agree to placing a chip between thumb and finger, has made the warning even more poignantly crystal clear.

I disagree with everyone else. It is part of the duty of a good writer that he faces ugly truths and possibilities, before we reach the stage when we can no longer avoid them. Shocking your readers so that they are forced to think, and hopefully act, while we can still try to avoid what is foreseen, that is good.

We tend to be more urgently affected by harm to a child, so, though I hate it - well done, you had the courage to do what you had to do.

Wow - that was intense. I've gotta say I didn't see that coming! It's interesting that you paint a picture of blockchain being used in such a dystopian sense (of course now that I look at the contest, I understand the intent). Very well done. You deserved to win the contest. Congrats sir.

Oh my *GOSSSHHH* Neg! You can't get through a story without shedding blood and breaking hearts, huh?
All in all, I love the dystopia you made here. Very stressful in a very familiar way.

You got that right ;)

AAAAaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!! :O :O :O

I was loving this until the ending...

Sorry friend @negativer, for the negative reaction.

IMNSHO, your story is plenty remarkable, thought provoking, and disturbing without the horrifying ending.... Could I please have the 'B' version, where the little girl isn't mutilated at the end? :O

I'm going to re-write it in my mind... In my new version, Michael has seen the light on the way home and instead of walleting his little girl, Michael, Mika, and Kayla pool their remaining resources and move to a commune in the country... ;)

Again, apologies for the strong reaction... Just my open, real, raw reaction.... You're an amazing writer, my friend.

😄😇😄
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Hi Neg!

I'm back to congratulate you on your well-deserved win! :D

And, wow, I think @v4vapid may have noticed my stark reaction to the ending... he mentioned that "some people" ... etc. ;) Well, I've always been in the "some people" category I guess. ;)

In any case, I'm very pleased to see you take home the gold. As I said in my first comment, your story is an amazing combination of remarkable, thought provoking, and disturbing. It very coherently and concisely paints a believable picture of a future gone severely wrong.

Kudos!

😄😇😄
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Interesting 

 I will follow you to see your future posts! 

Love this line: "The men in their ivory tower painted coal with colors of gold and called it a token..." And the idea of getting stuck at home because you ran out of traveltokens... depressing and plausible. I wondered if he'd be able to get into his apartment, with all the traveltoken dinging he'd done. And the ending... tragic, yet fitting. :(

Extremely compelling read!. 
You had me firmly gripped and locked in untill the very end. 
Wishing you many thanks 😊

BOOM... 

Your story hit the mark. I loved this. A perfect example of what could be, if people allow it. Very powerful. I'm so glad I found it in time to add my cent to your reward. 

Everyone gets so excited about all this new tech that promises to "empower" them when in reality it only feeds the system. It empowers those who control the tech. Smart watches are a great example of this. "I can now monitor my health" when in reality "they" can now monitor your health.

Very well written article!  I found you on @v4vapids post!  You have a new follower +1 !  I'm looking forward to reading more articles from you!

Wow....  Very well written, but just wow... holy shit.  The end was quite a curve ball.  I can still see the flesh and blood and shit... damn.  That's when you know you can write, when that impression stays with the reader.

Great job!!

Nice story, Neg. Can't help thinking the end could have been a little gentler though...

Holy hell. 

I mean, damn.

As shocking as the end is, I believe that it follows the caution of: "A word to the wise is sufficient." We need to be vigilant about our freedoms and those who are willing to neutralize them. As boring, tiring, and annoying as our system might be, we need to be well informed and then make our moves accordingly. Unfortunately, our system of maintaining freedom in this country seems to be at a point where it's being compromised. We need to be able to make an informed choice before heading off to the polls for whatever election. If nothing else, we have the knowledge that we have, to the best of our ability,  endeavored to make the right choice. Great story!

Quite an impressive story... scary ending, but desperate times call for desperate measures...
Congratulations on your win, truly deserved!

Holy SHITTE!!!! AAAHHHH AAAHHHHHHH GODAMMMMMM AHH...
Wow it just builds in speed and speed and then wham!  Awesome writing, Just being someone who has used pay by the minute phone services I am paralyzed by this scenario.

This isn't dystopia - this is EVILtopia. "NEGATOPIA." How dare you! I like the device of keeping his wife out of reach the whole time on the other end of a phone until the end. Very effective tension-building.

<p>Congratulations!  This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by negativer 🥓 from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows.  Please find us at the <a href="https://discord.gg/HYj4yvw"> Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel</a>.  It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.</p> <p>If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: <a href="https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/delegateVestingShares?delegator=&amp;delegatee=minnowsupport&amp;vesting_shares=102530.639667%20VESTS">50SP</a>, <a href="https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/delegateVestingShares?delegator=&amp;delegatee=minnowsupport&amp;vesting_shares=205303.639667%20VESTS">100SP</a>, <a href="https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/delegateVestingShares?delegator=&amp;delegatee=minnowsupport&amp;vesting_shares=514303.639667%20VESTS">250SP</a>, <a href="https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/delegateVestingShares?delegator=&amp;delegatee=minnowsupport&amp;vesting_shares=1025303.639667%20VESTS">500SP</a>, <a href="https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/delegateVestingShares?delegator=&amp;delegatee=minnowsupport&amp;vesting_shares=2053030.639667%20VESTS">1000SP</a>, <a href="https://v2.steemconnect.com/sign/delegateVestingShares?delegator=&amp;delegatee=minnowsupport&amp;vesting_shares=10253030.639667%20VESTS">5000SP</a>. <br><strong>Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.</strong></p>

There is the twist you expect. And the twist you didn't see coming. 
Great job!

Oh, wow! I didn't see that ending coming. Not like that, anyway. You kept me wanting more with every word I read. 
I hope this won't become true. Power is dangerous in the wrong hands and it's scary to think that freedom could become an archaic concept.

A dystopian tale with a very human touch, negativer. Your analogy works seamlessly. But the thing is ... we are already there. Money has had this effect on people for a very long time. You really are a fine short-story teller. Pleasure to read them:)

Geez, Neg. Add this one to my list of favorite short stories, too. As in, favorite *ever.* Not just favorite from the Block, or favorite from Steemit. Favorite *ever,* ever.