I think you're overthinking it.

I don't need to feel the exact, identical feelings that you're feeling to be empathetic. I don't even have to feel those feelings myself.

It's just understanding.  If you feel sad - I can empathetically understand that you feel sad without feeling sad myself.  

It may influence my actions, I may ask you questions, or take you out for a drink, or be more patient with you than normal... or it may not, feeling empathy for someone/something doesn't require an action.  It's just the ability to understand and share... not the exact feelings of course, just the understanding that the person is feeling something.

It could affect me, I might also feel sad because you feel sad, or because you explained the situation and now I feel sad about that - in which case my empathy allows me share what you're feeling.  Again, not exactly, but generally.

We can share a pizza, we don't eat the exact same slices to do so... we don't have an identical experience but we still have a shared experience. 


If my empathy is incorrect, I understand that you're sad, but you're actually furious - then either you communicate more and I adjust my understanding... or you don't and I've misread the situation.  I'm sure it happens all the time. The clarity is a separate component - I either understood or I misunderstood your feelings - maybe the outcome is the same because I adjust my behavior in a helpful way anyway - or maybe I don't and I make it worse.

People with no empathy still might say or do the right things - or the wrong things - anyway, they might see a frown on your face and give you space - without understanding the emotions you're feeling. 

I do think you're confusing 'empathy' with 'empathetic reactions'. Empathy may cause an action or reaction, or it might not, it's really up to the person and the situation. Sure, empathetic people might make a situation worse, but it's probably more likely they make so many situations better, because they are aware that the other person is having a moment.  I would absolutely, no doubt, 100% prefer to be around people with empathy than without... even if it means sometimes people might make a situation worse. 

> A lot of empathetic people do a lot of harm to others when they are trying to help. They think they understand and have the intention to make things better, but are too blinded by their beliefs to recognize that they are making them worse.

You've brought this up a couple of times... and I do actually wonder if you're taking a very specific scenario that you've witnesses and are generalizing it out to all scenarios?

Okay, so these are the definitions I provided above from Google:

Compassion - sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

Empathy - the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. 

I don't honestly think I have to feel sad to be empathetic to the sadness you feel... so I looked it up and found this:


![image.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/aussieninja/23t8CoYsD4gbJBgvW8FYu6iMWrzd3W7qws9HDYH9BddNVXe1K54tm7ZXY3po2QfvmUSoq.png)

[Source](https://www.verywellmind.com/cognitive-and-emotional-empathy-4582389#:~:text=Other%20Types%20of%20Empathy,without%20being%20emotionally%20stimulated%20yourself.)

I think when you talk about Empathy, you're talking about Emotional Empathy... where I think I've been encompassing both Cognitive Empathy and Emotional Empathy in my definition depending on the scenario.

I do think it is important to separate and distinguish the difference between empathy and the actions that can result from empathy.

I can feel empathy towards a person or animal without any action.  The action is separate from the feeling.

Yes, people could take an incorrect action that results in harm as a result of empathy... but that's just one outcome:

1.) People can feel empathy and do nothing.
2.) People can feel empathy and do something good.
3.) People can feel empathy and do something bad.
4.) People can feel no empathy and do nothing.
5.) People can feel no empathy and do something good.
6.) People can feel no empathy and do something bad.

To me it seems you're hyper focused on 3... and saying that empathy is bad because of 3, but that ignores 1 and 2 (and 4, 5 and 6). 

I'm honestly not sure if you can fake empathy, as per the definition of the word.  If you're sad, I can fake being sad to try and make you feel like you're not alone, but that's not empathy.  I think by the definition you can't fake it. Like you can't fake sincerity. You're either sincere or you're insincere regardless of your behavior or actions.