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Thanks for sharing your journey with the Muse, as I would love to call it. I love poetry and prose, as long as they are meaningful and easy to read as I am a fan of the Hemingway style of writing. Good to have you onboard.

@d-pend I feel your post on so many levels. <3

But the part about writing being digestive transmutation is one that I totally agree and resonate with.

> We absorb the nutrients of philosophies that agree with our system and reject other sentiments as toxins. We store techniques we like in our mental organs against the hard times of creative famine and let the rest pass through.

> What we write in order to further heal ourselves may become nourishment to a reader in a manner beyond our wildest expectations. Even, and especially, admissions of our own failures, suffering, and poor decisions can become tonics against the vicissitudes of life for more than just ourselves.

We process our emotions - our hurts, disappointments, sorrows, joys, excitement - and work through them. But the most wonderful thing is that all the "*poison*" (the negative experiences that might have destroyed us) flow through us, touch us, make us write - and in the end our writing is the "*potion*". 

Not just for us, as it allowed us to process what happened, but others can drink of that draught too, the potion serving as a catalyst for their own healing process.

<hr>

Now being a writer too, I've definitely felt the disillusionment you (and all other creatives) feel. Does anyone care? 

I've also struggled with the fact that poetry and writing fiction doesn't (for now) pay the bills. That I have to do other things to sustain myself, so I can write. Sometimes, it feeds into that disillusionment, for if money is a factor of value (in this present economy) and I don't make money off my writing, does it mean my writing has no value?

But I remember a quote I once saw, which in essence was, don't stop doing what keeps you alive spiritually, just because it cannot keep you alive literally.

And I thought that was very true.

<hr>

Resteemed! (:

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> I also became disheartened about the value of my creations. Was there any point to even putting my heart and soul into such things? Were they mere indulgences, dabbling in many forms without mastering anything? Narcissistic, unrealistic stubbornness to not "get a real job" and do something "more productive?"

I can definitely relate to that. (Perhaps minus the last part... I'm pretty confident in following my own path rather than the conventional one of needing to slave away 9-to-5. Fuck that shit. lol.)

Re: mastery... then again, who's to say *specialization* is an absolute requirement, besides conventional thought in economic theory? Think *renaissance man.* Such "dabbling" used to, at one point, be an ideal. Sure, sometimes mastery in *one* thing can be great; but does it really make *that* much difference in the end, if one's path entails a different form of multi-dimensionality, exploring various avenues and outlets? I suppose the answer is always an *individual* one - no absolute black-or-white truth fitting *all* people at *all* times.

...

>writing is more like digestive transmutation. We take words, feelings, impressions, experiences in, and process them into progressively unrecognizable forms that are more agreeable to our mental/emotional system.

>We are constantly taking in words through conversation, audible media, books, movies, etc. Our writing is a product of this external stimuli modified by an inner state. In writing, we make conscious decisions in filtering out the extraneous to cut down to what it is we really hope to say. We absorb the nutrients of philosophies that agree with our system and reject other sentiments as toxins. We store techniques we like in our mental organs against the hard times of creative famine and let the rest pass through.

>To leave that imperfect metaphor, the beauty in this rumination is found in the fact that what we express often touches others in profound ways. What we write in order to further heal ourselves may become nourishment to a reader in a manner beyond our wildest expectations. Even, and especially, admissions of our own failures, suffering, and poor decisions can become tonics against the vicissitudes of life for more than just ourselves.

Love all this.

Another way of looking at these same concepts: we're merely nodes in a network, each processing and passing on fragments of the larger God Code.

You into Human Design yet?

T'is interesting looking at it through *that* framework - seeing where we receive / take in through the openness in our designs, and transmit through our definition. 

>Please share in a comment below—what is it you love to do above all?

I honestly don't feel that's a question I can answer. I've spent *many* years struggling to try fit into that mold of thinking, choosing **one** "passion" or direction. But the longer I tried, the more I felt I was just trying to force myself into a box of someone else's definition of what I should be or how I should live. (Also as a Manifesting Generator, we're not designed to do just **one** thing, but channel our energies into multiple outlets, not necessarily for mastery. Would be interesting if you were also a MG - speaking to that point above.)

I was always leaning towards **music** being the answer to that question - but have found trying to put that pressure of it being the **one** thing just fucked up the flow and completely overrode my natural creative cycles with bullshit. Sometimes the creative waves are there for music, and it's great surfing when so - but alot of times, *not,* and I end up fucking **hating** it if trying to force...

Meanwhile, sometimes the joy is to be found in writing. Other times, it's hell.

There's been phases where snowboarding or mountain biking is the epitome of bliss. And other times, where the body ain't into it at all.

And then, there are simply times where kicking back and watching YouTube or Netflix is the one thing that feels better than anything else I could be doing.

Thus... *multi-dimensionality.* I really can't say I prefer *any* of those activities over the other - "sex" being one option that my mind might be tempted to offer, but even *then,* there are times I'd rather be doing something else. Each has its own time and place. So **if** I *had* to narrow down to one, I'd probably try offer some sneaky answer along the lines to "adapting into whatever activity feels best in the moment." Haha!

>I fear that this blog may be a bit schizophrenic in nature.

Not at all. Only to 3-dimensional muggles. lol.

>what do you think about poetry vs. prose writing? Being devoted to a craft in the face of external failures? What are your favorite creative outlets? And did you enjoy reading something different on this blog than my "typical" sparse poetry blogs?

Not too much into poetry, in all honesty. Even the stuff I'll occasionally write and slap a "poetry" tag on here, I don't really associate *as* poetry.

Devoted to a craft in face of external failures... **music.** It's nuts to think I've actually been "producing" for about two decades, on-and-off, though *still* feel like a beginner. The amount of frustration I've gone through in the process, *OMG.* But, there's never any question of continuing - only a matter of slowing down, recalibrating, and approaching differently. 

I think the best "thesis" of my experience & insight in that realm might've gotten summed up in [this article, "Wisdom Of The Surf."](https://steemit.com/music/@rok-sivante/the-wisdom-of-the-surf?sort=new)

(I've also been reading a book called "[On Writer's Block](https://www.amazon.ca/Writers-Block-Nelson/dp/0395647274)" that is fucking **amazing**. I'd highly recommend it *if* it resonates, as speaks brilliantly to such challenges.)

Haven't read too much of your poetry, but I enjoyed this post. 🙏

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To be able to create a poetry that is a rare talent, when I was younger I loved to read them, while in school we were grown up with learning Russian poetry that I really loved and knew much by heard especially  Eugene Onegin is a novel in verse written by Alexander Pushkin a  classic of Russian literature. In general writing is something that I my opinion help people to collect their thoughts and can be used as therapy too. The only problem with many of us, we just have no time for that or maybe this is just excuse to reasoning why we do not write or read and prefer just to spend our time with something that doe not require much of our brain activities :)