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Sugar: My Childhood Lesson by cloflo

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· @cloflo ·
$11.96
Sugar: My Childhood Lesson
My first encounter with the death of a loved one was my first dog's death. What was even more traumatizing is that I blamed myself for her painful passing. I was so guilty and hurt that it took me fifteen long years to get a new dog.

I was eleven then. My family and I visited my uncle to eat some of his newly harvested Durian. Despite the fruit being my favorite, I was constantly distracted from eating by the cute little puppies playing under the table. One of the puppies stood out to me. She has hair richly colored as brown sugar, almost gold in the sun. Her hazel eyes were the prettiest pair of eyes I have seen in my young life. They were more beautiful than most people's eyes I have known. When she looks at me, I remember thinking she knows she is a beautiful dog. She was also the sweetest among her siblings. She always stuck with me while the others are playing. My aunt, who sensed right away that I was drawn to the pup, gave her to me. That day, I named my first-ever dog Sugar.

I loved Sugar, but honestly, I did not know a thing about taking care of a dog. She had no training and no proper health care, and I guess I gave her food that is bad for dogs. I did not know there was still something I would do worse for Sugar.

One night, when Sugar was already an adult, I heard her wailing in pain (or so I thought). I hurriedly got up from bed, looked out the window to check if it was her, and I found her with another dog. Each of them was facing opposite directions and their butts were stuck together. They were mating and I did not know it was mating! I thought Sugar was under some kind of attack from this other dog and she needed my help. I screamed and shooed at the male dog as loud as I could. He was so scared and shocked that he ran so fast dragging Sugar a few meters away before they were physically separated. I felt like a hero that night. What an idiot!

A few weeks later, I observed a terrible swelling of Sugar's vulva. Unfortunately, our family was the poorest we have been at that time, so Sugar was never brought to the vet to be treated. She stopped being cheerful. She became too tired to meet me on the street when I got home from school. Not long after, she stopped eating. The swelling got worse and drops of blood spilled from it. I knew then she was not getting better. She was dying and it was my fault.

During her last days, I would sit beside her and pet her gently. I would stare into her eyes which are still the prettiest and I would whisper "sorry, Sug". I blamed myself (still am) and hated myself for not taking enough care of her. However, everytime I looked at her I remember thinking she loved me still. 

I found her lifeless on the doorstep. My tiny body was overwhelmed by new but negative emotions. I wanted to scream and cry, but the thought that I was responsible left me frozen in the corner. My papa buried her near my favorite plant, a yellow Gumamela. Since then I never dared to get another dog until this year when I met Ash, a gray-colored Aspin.


![IMG_20220302_085642.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cloflo/23zbS7Upp2csgPCggXsZuUkoyMCY8F1rwfk9LQVBTUE9rxciMrmtvjgdrneNoNViJng8V.jpg)
Photo by cloflo

![IMG_20220328_134137.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cloflo/23wCJ2NyhcpimYgcHfgwpM9XdHXfJURJE12w68tpvGzTR5b61ALdRM4sNTtcVZKp91Yam.jpg)
Photo by cloflo

Sugar was one of the best and most painful lessons I learned in my childhood. Hopefully, I will become a much better doggo momma and not mess things up for Ash and the future pets I will have.


![1669375963457.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cloflo/23swXzV278S1y81XfAQf8LgJpoVvcMEkije2V56EH5Zh3G9S9zvFX3Cmxkcj6ez8EfxaV.png)


![20221125_170523_0000.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/cloflo/AKNMdkV8obiKjWphjXQHEvr6AJcunFVGC4mieFnTAVupxznVw3Ru9Au2XWxi5tX.png)
👍  , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and 406 others
👎  ,
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vote details (472)
@ayane-chan ·
!PIZZA
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@cloflo ·
Thank you, @ayane-chan !
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@bluepark ·
Sugar must be sad to see you blame yourself. She was loved and she knew it. Sometimes we learn some lessons  the hard way. I know Ash would be well taken care of now. What a beautiful dog. 
👍  
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vote details (1)
@cloflo ·
Thank you! Indeed, some of the most precious lessons are the most painful ones. I told Ash you said she's beautiful. ❤️
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@hivebuzz ·
Congratulations @cloflo! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)

<table><tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x70/http://hivebuzz.me/@cloflo/posts.png?202211281510"></td><td>You published more than 10 posts.<br>Your next target is to reach 20 posts.</td></tr>
<tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x70/http://hivebuzz.me/@cloflo/upvotes.png?202211281510"></td><td>You distributed more than 100 upvotes.<br>Your next target is to reach 200 upvotes.</td></tr>
<tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x70/http://hivebuzz.me/@cloflo/upvoted.png?202211281510"></td><td>You received more than 1000 upvotes.<br>Your next target is to reach 1250 upvotes.</td></tr>
<tr><td><img src="https://images.hive.blog/60x70/http://hivebuzz.me/@cloflo/comments.png?202211281510"></td><td>You made more than 50 comments.<br>Your next target is to reach 100 comments.</td></tr>
</table>

<sub>_You can view your badges on [your board](https://hivebuzz.me/@cloflo) and compare yourself to others in the [Ranking](https://hivebuzz.me/ranking)_</sub>
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**Check out the last post from @hivebuzz:**
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@kelzyspeaks ·
I suddenly remember my pup Cookie 🥺 She also died because of my neglect. If only I have money to bring her to vet, she's surely still with me. Huhu. I will make an article with my memories of her too. 🥺
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@cloflo ·
I'm sorry you experienced that too. Getting a pet really is a big responsibility and I wish we learned it sooner. I'm sure Cookie will be happy to know you remember him/her deeply. And yes go write about it. I believe it helps in our healing of past regrets. 
👍  
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@missleray ·
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can see how you loved your dog. I hope all people will have the same feeling as you, to the dogs.
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@pizzabot ·
<center>🍕 PIZZA !


I gifted <strong>$PIZZA</strong> slices here:
@ayane-chan<sub>(3/5)</sub> tipped @cloflo (x1)


<sub>Please <a href="https://vote.hive.uno/@pizza.witness">vote for pizza.witness</a>!</sub></center>
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@qurator ·
Qurator
<center>Manually curated by EwkaW from the @qurator Team. Keep up the good work!</center>
👍  
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vote details (1)
@cloflo ·
Thank you very much! 
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@ruffatotmeee ·
Awwww, this is too sad. Just like me till now di pa ako nakaka move on sa Joko ko. Nakiki pet nalang ako alaga ng mama but hanggang jan lang. Ang hirap patawarin ni self lalo I know Im at fault here too. Just like you, I am blaming myself for his death. I never really become a good fur mom to him. I am just an ass 🥺🥺. Anyways, your Ash is so kawaii. And good thing you finally start to pet a doggo again. Aspin is the sweetest doggo out there. And they will love their hooman unconditionally ✨❤️
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@cloflo ·
Thank you for sharing about your own guilt. I hope someday, you'll be able to find yourself enjoying life with another pet doggo (or any pet). I hope you heal. 

Yes, she's the sweetest! Letting her know you think she's kawaii. 🥰
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@volleyren20 ·
I'm so sorry about Sugar Ma'am @cloflo . I know you have done your part for her. Honestly, I really am scared thinking about losing a pet. 
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@wittyzell ·
It’s a painful memory but the shared moments you have with Sugar probably were so happy. She’s really loved by you. I hope you’d stop blaming yourself for her passing. When we were kids, we didn’t know a lot about properly taking care of pets and everything else. 
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@cloflo ·
Thank you. My inner child is comforted by your comment.❤️❤️❤️
👍  
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