I'm glad you liked it. :)

Hmm. I wasn't thinking of trust when I wrote it, but you raise a very interesting point. That was actually at issue in my discussion with my elder child about the computer. She didn't like that I had changed the password on her and wanted it back the way it was.

I also like your point about behavior vs character. Parents often use shame to manage behavior, and that is usually shame that the parent has carried since childhood. When a parent says a child is bad, that is shame on the part of the parent, not the kid. So I only talk about the behavior and impact on others. Then I start working on ways to curb that behavior with my kids by giving them something else to do. I may even collaborate with them to find some other way to respond to the same situation.

It is this collaboration that prevents the issue from recurring. Kids want to do well, and if I help them build the tools they need to do better, they do better. Notice that I'm not giving them the tools or answers, I'm building the solutions they need with them. 

And I speak of cognitive tools, a way of thinking that tends to better outcomes, so that they can solve problems themselves their own way, without me when I'm not around. I want them to have repeatable solutions that they know they can use when the same situation comes up again. I'm turning power struggles into opportunities for collaboration.