| json_metadata | "{"app":"Musing","appTags":["Life"],"appCategory":"Life","appTitle":"What would you love to change about your life?","appBody":"<p>I would love to change being secluded and become more social and outgoing. </p><p>I am an ambivert. I fall mid-way between being extroverted and being introverted. I mingle with people when I get a chance to. I love to have discussions on subjects that catch my interest. With the right people, I could mix and bond but I think on the other hand that I'm a bit too introverted too. I love and enjoy my company. If I had the chance to choose between staying indoors and going out, I would choose the former. It's so bad that I could be indoors round the clock without stepping a foot outside. It has even become easier to do that especially since I live alone. Some times I'm bored being by myself. Most times I'm not. </p><p>Upbringing has much to play in this my lifestyle. I grew up with an elder sister who was a disciplinarian. She was an authoritarian boss. She sets stringent rules such that i would have to regret not obeying her. One of those rules was staying indoors to read everyday after school. I was not allowed to visit without permission and I rarely got permission so gradually I became used to this pattern. Whenever I commit an offense, she would scold and quarrel so much, spank me whenever she thought it necessary. I would cry and stay by myself thinking. I used to think so much when I was a child. I discovered that it was easier to obey. I tried as much as possible to do as she bids just to make sure she didn't nag, raise her voice or call me names. </p><p>Finally, I became a teenager. By this time she already had kids and I was to baby sit. My life revolved around three places. House, school and church. So from the house, I'd go to school, when I returned, I'll go to church and back to the house. When sent on errands outside the house, I'm allotted specific time interval. If I come later than that time, I would be questioned. Errands time were opportunities to breathe fresh air outside the home, school and church. It was a break from the tensions around my usual routine. I didn't have friends. No one visited except church folks. I wasn't allowed to visit anyone too in the neighborhood. My life became conditioned. I became content with myself. </p><p>I gained admission after a long while. That should have been the beginning of a new start for me but it was too late. I only visited few places at school. Lecture halls, Fellowships, hostel and market. On few occasions, the bank. I never had a social life. Never partied nor clubbed. As soon as lectures are over, I usually rush back to the hostel. Not like I had anything doing in the hostel. Some of my colleagues thought that I was a part-time student. I rarely honoured invitation to other fellowships. Leaving my room to the next block to borrow a text book for an assignment was a challenge. Often times, I miss classes. Especially on rainy days. It affected my results of course. When I go for fellowships, anything outside 7:00pm was late for me. I'm already itching to get back to the hostel. </p><p>This has been my pattern for years. I want to break out of it. I would love to become more outgoing rather than stay up indoors every time. I feel sad that I don't have friends one minute, the next minute, I'm happy that it is so. I spend much of my time online. People I chat with tell me that I am an amazing person. I'm beginning to doubt that because I don't have real friends. It will take some fierce person, who is an opposite of myself to help me break this chain.</p><p>Recently, I learnt that a friend of mine was ill. Though we are not so close, I decided I was gonna pay her a visit the next morning. I truly was happy that I had a good reason to go out. She gave me a particular time. I couldn't meet up cos I lacked the drive to act. Finally I ended up not seeing her. When i called and she told me she was a lot better. I was so excited for her and partly because i won't be going out. She's in same town with me but I last saw her few months ago. This is my prison. I need freedom from it. </p><p> </p>","appDepth":2,"appParentPermlink":"pk6vsu28x","appParentAuthor":"langbasa","musingAppId":"aU2p3C3a8N","musingAppVersion":"1.1","musingPostType":"answer"}" |
|---|
hiveblocks