*A nuclear bomb explodes in the background*


Are you okay ?
Good thing you made it, welcome home champ! You can't imagine how happy I am to have you here, you've went through a lot, haven't you? I still can't believe that I'm looking at these atoms stuck together in bunch of cells and controlled by a range of genes, all of that greatness that you never knew anything about before 400 years. Neither have those atoms, cells and genes knew about you either, they never believed you existed, cells and genes not believing in the body that moves them around, I guess we're all atheists by default. But god wanted it that a bunch of carbon (C), Hydrogen (H) and Oxygen (O) would make the handsome/beautiful devil reading this. We're all CHOs, half the sound a train makes or a carbon further from each being a total ho. But all those carbons, Hydrogen, and Oxygen fell from the stars in the wonderful scene called the supernova just to create ![SUPER.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmchBycmJ3Asj8P6fnwfUeX88xJXhbH6gZ3nTSwUN4T2b2/SUPER.jpg)
Could you stop watching those cat videos for a second? I'm telling you how wonderful you are! 

From stars left-overs, the atoms that created gathered on a mediocre planet in a beautiful solar system, by left-overs I don't mean you're trash, although it does describe that attitude. Our universe has energy that can't created nor destroyed, we're [Conservation of energy law](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservation_of_energy) so we all must make a system for ourselves to conserve that star making energy, we're literally all stars! Anyway I know you've had quite the ride till you got here, natural must have really burned your ass! [Five mass extinction events occurred in 4 billion years](http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/extinction_events) just slaying creatures alive, the weak ones are killed off, 99% of the creatures that existed went extinct, and you were among the survivors! Dinosaurs terrified you, now they wish they'd followed your leadership, billions of creatures died and still do in the hands of nature, but not you! You weren't the biggest dinosaurs and those big ass mammals nor did you have the most fitness like lizards and insects, but now you're leading the planet, that brain of yours outlived monkeys and elephants creating a fairy tale in the process of the greatness ascending to greatness. From a creature hiding in the jungles of Africa whose biggest luxury was the sugar found in fruits, to a creature existing all around the planet drinking milkshakes and eating cheesecakes. Fruit was the biggest luxury, they even had religions based on [pineapples](http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word/584), now you put that on a pizza, or take it out and throw it if you had a good taste. Those days are long gone, now you're at Starbucks having the right for more foam on your crapaccino. Really, champ! welcome home, you're the greatest creature ever existed now!

Wait, what happened? Why are you crying? Don't cry,  I know what happened to you was a lot to take. Diseases killing all your brothers and dismantled your species, Spanish flu killed [between 12 and 17 million people](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/archaeology-and-history/magazine/2018/03-04/history-spanish-flu-pandemic/), Malaria bug effected over 220 million people and killing about a million each year, I know, you've been through a lot. Even the closest people to you died, the Homo erectus, homo neanderthalensis, homo floresiensis, and homo denisova, but your homosexual ass held on strong! Alright now, calm down and don't be so sad I'm pretty sure they're in a better place. I understand your pain.

WAIT
https://media.giphy.com/media/UvtKiyeWYEhRC/giphy.gif

Actually I don't understand, It's not far off that you were the ones that killed all of those just like the ones you killed [last year](https://mashable.com/2017/12/27/animals-that-went-extinct-in-2017/). You've got quite the fucked up history dude! You keep harming every successful creature that exists, creatures that lived on this planet for hundreds of years, you killed them! 

Threatened their existence
https://media.giphy.com/media/oe33xf3B50fsc/giphy.gif 

Burning their homes
https://media.giphy.com/media/r6tCdCKY0uI12/giphy.gif 

Destroying their neighborhood
![oil-bird.jpg](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmet3oar8oDPWzGa9JzTUAHgAkmKdA9H3sZachoEpdiTuu/oil-bird.jpg)  

You're a joke to all that's living, only mosquitoes are killing humans more than[ you do](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/mosquitoes-kill-more-humans-human-murderers-do-180951272/), [123 million death were done by you!](https://www.quora.com/How-many-people-died-in-all-the-wars-in-the-20th-century), biological weapons, nuclear weapons, chemical weapons, and hydrogen bombs.Those aren't weapons used to defend yourself, like the ones poisonous frogs have to defend themselves, or the the claws lions use to get food. You're not uniquely created, you're uniquely stupid. 

How did you get so far? Natural selection always goes for the ones who increase their genes, not the ones willingly destroying them, how did they let an asshole like you remain! Excuse my words but you as a human, your end is pretty near. You're 600,000 hours away from your atoms going back into the ground and hopefully have a better human, you know unless you choose to burn your body, dick! Who is to say that your entire species is going to make it the entire [200,000 years], and by the way, those 200,000 mean that you're loser, in a planet that's 1 billion years old, hovering ina universe that is 14 billion years old, the gnats you step on so freely have lived here for over 50 million years! And you're bragging about your 200 thousand years, oh fuck off! 


Okay don't actually fuck off, upvote and resteem this post, I obviously wasn't talking about YOU guys, you're all great and wonderful. I nominate @llfarms for my first blowjob free post, and @diebitch because one of her posts kinda inspired this one