Dear Amanda... Happy Birthday! 
I hope things are going as good as possible for you where ever you may be. <3 

I'm doing a lot better physically and a bit mentally as well since the last letter I sent... That sure was a difficult experience with the whole botulism thing.
My neck scar still bothers me sometimes and I still have over a year to heal up more, but I have a feeling it may never fully heal.

That's okay, it's not that bad... And I'm grateful everyday just to be able to still be here.
I really have changed a lot in the last few years and I think you would be proud of me for climbing so far out of my depression.

I can't believe it's been so long... 10 years now...?
It felt like forever and at the same time it feels like just yesterday, it's weird how time works like that and I'll probably keep noticing that until I join you in the next place.

Things in the world are still pretty crazy, it seems like maybe things are easing up a little bit in some ways, however... The way the people in power tend to work is very psychologically confusing for the average person to try to understand and they know how to lull many people into a false sense of security or make them think they're making progress when in reality they're falling into a perfectly designed trap the whole time.

I try to keep my hope alive and simultaneously I realize just how impossible the "adversary" can be. 
Though... I try not to look at the world so much in terms of adversaries anymore... I'm trying to move away from looking at things in a sort of black and white, good or evil sort of way. 

I think... It's like Jesus was quoted as saying if he even existed in the sense that "They know not what they do", I could be wrong... Maybe some people do truly know what they are doing, yet sometimes I feel like life and existence is a mystery to everyone who is honest with themselves, even if they have all the technology and funds in the world to research the issue, can it ever really truly be answered?

Anyways... Prolly good to change subjects before I go any deeper into that, heh.
Umm... The main adventure I've been following is going quite synchronistic and enjoyable beyond my ability to describe! 
We just keep finding new fascinating things and the story becomes more and more amazing and I hope one day we can make a documentary or some other kind of movie about it because I think it's a story that deserves to be told and I also think a lot of people would appreciate it in a variety of ways.

We're in the process of getting something figured out specifically and I'm getting a bit nervous about it, though... Trying to remind myself that the adventure itself is enough and the memories with my dad and mom and brothers and sister and I don't wanna get all depressed if it doesn't end up being what we hope, so... I'm just so grateful I get to do this and spend time with my family and get to be out in nature so much doing something I love. :)

I guess time will tell what happens in regard to all that! Hmm... What else...
No news to report in regard to romantic relationship stuff, still on the dating sites... But, rarely talk to anyone I'm attracted to and if I do it usually doesn't go anywhere as I don't try to keep the conversation going like I used to and they rarely ever make that effort either so we usually just talk a lil bit and then the conversation stops. 

Really, in all reality... I think a lot of women sort of expect a guy to sort of "take charge" or at least be more adapted to society and I'm still just a bit insecure about where I am in life and I feel like I need to become more financially independent and also improve my OCD more too so I end up not really pursuing anyone very strongly anymore as I'm so busy working on myself, speaking of such... I've been making some noteworthy progress with my OCD! Which is supremely amazing because even making a little bit of progress in the past has been excruciatingly difficult. 

And... I mean, I'm not cured or even close to it... Not sure that's possible, but... I feel like I'm making some decent progress and that's awesome because that was one of my main goals when I was laying in the hospital bed and that's one of the things I wanted to improve on the most. 

So... I feel like I'm on a much better path these days! Maybe something will happen with the adventure that leads to me making more money or maybe I'll find a way to make more money in another unrelated way and then maybe I'll improve with my OCD even more and maybe some cool things will happen in the future! I definitely have some neat dreams and I'm glad I didn't give up or kill myself and that I somehow found a way to be glad to be alive again. 

I've been seeing signs a lot! Maybe more than ever... There was a while where I didn't really notice much and now it's just so abundant, curious to see where it leads and I hope we can talk more about it and many other things in the next place! 

This is getting kind of long, so I think I'm going to end it here... I think I'll end it with a memory... Remember when we met in person and on the walk home those cute little cats came out to play with us? :) 
That was awesome! There was so much color and spirit and good vibes, it's so vivid in my mind it feels like a movie... Love you so much always, bye until next time. <3 

![heartrock.jpg](https://images.hive.blog/DQmQ3PJVTYbZnBr9suD95jYRWPzd1rsFySXaXdZ6iew7Gyv/heartrock.jpg)