https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmdFsssMfPts11G3kTxtB6j6SFNASWprNzaEn23rmX8wMw/Sword%20of%20Ice+Title.png

This story of mine, it is nothing special, nor is it unique, but it is worth telling, for it is about hearts and is also a story of our difficult times. It began some time before this telling, when I had love and despair. Tommy, my husband, was a fighter and I would sometimes anger him, for he needed my heart to be strong so that he can fight for us, but I saw all the globs are doing to our world, destroying it and the people in some many thousand ways that I had not the courage to hope. I gave in to despair and fought with him when he tried to right some wrong or other.

But then I gave birth to our Janice and I no longer dared despair, I had to fight for her sake. Then, when she was four, I conceived again and soon after, Tommy was taken from me, accidentally killed they say, but I know better.

The mother of Tommy was at the funeral and I was not surprised she had no eyes for me or Janice. My heart did not soften, for even as she stared at his casket, she did not shed a tear and her face was set and hard, as it was that day I last saw her and screamed my anger at her.

I recall so clearly the words, for I told her she has a sword of ice in her heart and I will not allow her to use it to harm my daughter. It grieved Tommy, for he loved his mother, but I did not see her again until the day of his funeral.

Afterwards, she also came to the house for the wake. She took a cup of coffee and a thin slice of sponge cake and sat by herself, not trying to make contact with Janice, but I saw how her eyes followed my grieving daughter. It is that which stayed my anger, for it reminded me, cold and hard as she may be, she has lost a son and must be feeling some pain deep within her.

<center>https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUMwy439pf8gKJUA36NNSHejs47re6thpB63Y3c7L97j9/1%20-%20arrow_dblecircle-gray-sm.png</center>
<br>

Tommy had insisted we move out of the suburbs, out to the homestead plots, as he wanted our child to live with fields warmed by sunshine as her playing fields, not some concrete enclosed space with dozens of other children. It was what I wanted, but in some ways it cost me a lot, for the neighbours were mostly Afrikaans and were distant, not welcoming. Yet, I saw that more than half the crowd at the funeral were these same aloof people. 

Maritta, who runs the local grocery shop from her plot, having served me and thus feeling she knows me, offered me her condolences and I asked her, “Why have the others come? Is it to gloat at my misery, for they have made it clear they do not want to know me.”

She was shocked. “They are not hard people, Marlene, they are shy. Most English do not want to speak to us, so they waited for you to show you are not one of those English.”

I was devastated, for I sensed she had told me the truth. “Please let them know I was not being an English, I too was shy and afraid they would not want to speak to me.”

“When the time of deep grief is over, maybe you would come to my home for a braai, so that you can show them what you ask I tell them?”

I agreed and now moved among all those who had come to show me support in my grief, no longer skirting the Afrikaans group, allowing their gestures and words of condolence to touch me.

Luckily wakes do not last for too many hours and once the guests had departed, I saw that my mother in law, Annette, had stayed. I guessed she wants to speak to me, but I was not in the mood for it. However, I could not turn her out, so I told her I need to be on my own, with only my daughter, and offered her a guest bedroom for the night.

<center>https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUMwy439pf8gKJUA36NNSHejs47re6thpB63Y3c7L97j9/1%20-%20arrow_dblecircle-gray-sm.png</center>
<br>


Next morning I was surprised to see she had stayed.

She had her coffee, then looking into my eyes, she asked me, “Will you allow me to help you with the children? If you wish to remain here, I could stay in the guest room, or else, the lot of you could move to my place. I think it would be safer for all of you to move to my home - I have a vegetable patch and grow most of my food. If you agree, I will get a pony for Janice.”

Janice heard and she threw herself into those earnest ‘Please, please, mummy. Please, I want a pony…’ children use.

I asked. “Why?

“Because it is too dangerous for the children to go to school. They will demand they be vaccinated - Marlene, you do know that they vaccinate children with eighty four vaccines now and that the doses are as calculated for an adult sized body? I also want to help home school them, as I did with Tommy.” She bit her lip. “Dr Jones is getting old, but we may be lucky and he lasts long enough to deal with the paperwork needed for the children.” I recalled that Tommy had told me about him; he had certified that Tommy was vaccinated.

“It would be good to have someone look after the kids, but it is a long drive to my work.”

“A good neighbour of ours works in Rosebank - is that close to your work?

“He probably drives past my office…”

“Well, offer him something towards the petrol and he’ll be happy to take you.”

Mentally I pulled back. “Why Annette? You did not want us in your life when Tommy was alive.”

“Did you know that he continued to visit me after our row? It seems he did not tell you what he asked of me. Marlene, he asked me to care for you and the kids if he dies. I do it for him, but I also do it for me. Will you allow me?”

<center>https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUMwy439pf8gKJUA36NNSHejs47re6thpB63Y3c7L97j9/1%20-%20arrow_dblecircle-gray-sm.png</center>
<br>


Janice is rather a withdrawn soul, she takes her time to grow comfortable with strangers. I was surprised to see she was soon at ease with her grandmother. I accepted this as proof that her grandmother does spend a lot of time with her, and I felt something inside me relax.

Annette is just like Tommy in certain things. For instance, she refuses to ever go to a franchise restaurant. She only goes out to eat at small, privately owned places. When she told us we are going to “Nuts for Food” I mentally groaned, for I am not a vegetarian. It turned out the owner-chef is nuts for food and we had a wonderful meal. I think the baby enjoyed the meal, for it gave me quite a few kicks and Janice was excited to feel one of them.

Back at home again, Janice was still a bit over-excited and when I told her to say goodnight to Nan, she ran to her and throwing her arms around her, gave her a kiss and said, “Goodnight Nan - I love you.”

When I returned to the lounge, I was surprised to see Annette crying. “What is wrong?”

She wiped her eyes. “The sword of ice you told me I had in my heart, Marlene, the day Tommy died, it turned to salty tears and I wept until it was all gone. 

Tonight, your little Janice, she found the second sword, the one you had not seen, for it was pointed at myself. These tears are needed, do not let them distress you, daughter.”

<center>https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUMwy439pf8gKJUA36NNSHejs47re6thpB63Y3c7L97j9/1%20-%20arrow_dblecircle-gray-sm.png</center>
<br>

Our son was born and Annette wept again when I named him Tommy. He was born in our home and Dr Jones helped the midwife, so that he can sign the certificates - including those now required for all the vaccinations. At least our little Tommy has a chance of growing up without the damages to brain and body I see nowadays in so many children. It took me a little time to realise that this I owe to Annette. Once I had that thought, the next ones came by themselves. 

I wiped my eyes and went through to sit by Annette as she cradled little Tommy, with Janice sitting on her lap.

“Annette?” She looked at me. “Having children, it … when I was single, I felt full of life and thought I was happy and had everything I could have. Meeting Tommy and loving him, it made me aware of how my life had expanded, with so much more magic to it. Then I had Janice and my world expanded again, it seem to grow to an infinite size, lit by a golden light that does not allow any dark corners.

Though it had been infinite, the birth of Tommy, feeling him in my arms, it grew my world again. Today I saw a new truth. Having you in our lives has not only grown my world, it has added so much else of beauty to it - never mind the feelings you have helped me feel, of being home and safe.

Now, I no longer understand how anyone can want to live without a child in their lives - nor why our generation have stopped treasuring our elders, the grandmothers and grandfathers of our own children. Annette, why does each generation forget what a miracle the human heart is?”

https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmUAkJnqfZhQnzkBua1BKPn5VGyvoMJJqvPkXueizzMedi/Sword%20of%20Ice%20-%20ending%20image%20w%20txt.png

<br><br><br><br>

<h6>Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου<br></h6>(Alexander Zenon Eustace)<br>
<sup>27th December, 2019</sup>
<br>
* posted: 27th December, 2019<br>
<br><br>


<sup><h6><i>* Images: From Pixabay</i></h6></sup>