This is rather unusual, I'm trying to put my mind together. Hence I write this post to put things together. I'm putting this upfront, if you do not wish to participate in my brain storming post, do not vote it. As I'm aware I usually blog about daily life, travel and rant. But this is none of it. It's a rather boring post that I'm trying to vomit thoughts in my head to put the puzzle together.

![](https://images.ecency.com/DQmUnVah48w3x93ax6m1Y8Zg6m5RUApYCWPzmfLnsPoAjWV/img_0.24484171302386268.jpg)

# Before crypto reward
I've been blogging for years. Way before Steemit, I used to blog in blogspot regarding cars modification, and also passionately blog about writing script to create Forex trading bots. Somehow, I don't make money from any of those blogs, and they died down over the years and I never visit them again.

# The crazy year
2018 supposed to be the busiest year in my life. Business trips, long overdue honeymoon with home minister. Best of all, I've commited to blog "everyday" on that year, and I'm glad I did. Matter of fact, the same year I made a Chinese account, and also ran a curation guild. Have never complain about how much I got paid per post. I believe I spent more time blogging than working. Trust me, I hide myself in the toilet and write stuff. Don't be surprised if you're my old supporter, where my food blog doesn't "smell" that great 🤣

![](https://images.ecency.com/DQmUri9Nh51DbLEgbM8HrPcuiXko8HxhMMupytUurxgZSm6/img_0.4261603325636378.jpg)

# The growth
In 2019, that was the less busy year for me. I'm still blogging, but I've started to search for high payout community. I can't say that it's less fun, but I've been focusing so much on the "payout" and often found myself questioning what I did wrong to not getting whale vote.

# Split
And then came the great separation. It happened the same day as the country government got forcefully taken over by an unelected party because the ex-prime minister pull the wrong trick and killed his own ruling party. I did not sign up for the split of my government, so as steem and hive. Eventually, I tried to survive with two side and slowly found myself become bipolar. On one hand, I wanted to maximize my earnings by posting on both side, on the other hand I refused to copypasta my own content from one platform to the other.

# Struggle
Just like everyone and anyone else who is alive. The stupid pandemic gets the best of us. With the lockdown measure, I had to technically recycle  my content, rewording my daily life and pretend to be excited about it. The very same time, I have successfully stop smoking for more than 3 weeks, for the first time since i was 14! The struggle being, I used to compose my blogs with my cigarettes most if not all the time. Can you imagine what am I thinking when I'm writing this piece?

# Thoughts for future
And here I am, after years blogging in the crypto realm, this is the 5th birthday. Do a lookup at hiveblocks, it stated there I activated the account on the 16 of August. I think this year marked the most day off in my blogging life. The struggle is still here, but I don't feel like writing for the sake of writing anymore. I wish I still have the kind of persistency to write everyday, but I don't really want to make myself looks like making up posts just to claim a vote.

![](https://images.ecency.com/DQmPV58J3GZKNPgQaXsWYs2yGxU7knjL76T32JgCo4R8264/img_0.2694501376334117.jpg)

Anyway, I still enjoy writing. At times, like this post, I can sit here and start vomiting words and quickly fill up the page, spewing nonsense, and I actually enjoy it. But, does it bring any good to the blockchain? To the community? Once again, don't bother. I'm just writing this up to document today. If you have skipped the middle part, just let it be.