Hi @deeanndmathews. Thanks for entering the contest! Here is my feedback to hopefully help you with your next draft. This will be a mix of some editorial things that I spotted as I read the story that you might want to consider for your final draft, but mostly some over-arching comments on style.

I'll start with style. As I've shared with some of the other entrants, stories that are told primarily as narrative are a bit challenging for the reader. Instead of immersing in the story, we are *told* what happens, and it is as if the author is right there carefully explaining the characters and their background, instead of giving us the keys to the story and letting us get all the way inside its inner world. I hope that makes sense.

The best way to help your readers to become involved in your story is to use a richer mix of action and dialog with your narrative. For more on this, see the post [Action, Dialog and Narrative: The Dynamic Trio](https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/writing-tip-of-the-week-26-action-dialog-and-narrative-the-dynamic-trio) in our [catalog of fiction writing tips](https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/catalog-of-fiction-writing-tips-from-the-ink-well).

You're probably familiar with the phrase "Show, don't tell," which is the classic admonition for writers. We have an article on that as well, which you can find [here](https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/writing-tip-of-the-week-5-is-show-don-t-tell-a-writing-rule), and another really helpful article titled [Avoiding the Dreaded Info Dump](https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/writing-tip-of-the-week-3-avoiding-the-dreaded-info-dump). 

These resources can give you the tools to make your stories about creating an exceptional experience for the reader. On a personal note, I do love your social justice themes, and it's something I am passionate about. These are important topics for awareness and I think it's great that you tackle them through fiction. But one thing to think about is whether having that theme as the backdrop of most of your stories inadvertently makes them *about your mission*, and thus thwarts the impact your stories would otherwise have for the reader on an emotional and visceral level. Stated another way, if I wrote every story about the environment (another passion of mine), with a lot of explanatory narrative, you might just find yourself making a similar comment to me. Just something to think about, from one dedicated writer to another.

My second piece of feedback is about point of view (POV), and this goes hand-in-hand with the things I've commented on already. Point of view, or *perspective*, is another tool the writer has for engaging the reader. It gives us a person to care about and whose eyes we see through, which immerses us into the heart of the drama. We *experience* it instead of being told what to see and think. 

In omniscient perspective, we don't get deeply into anyone's POV. And it limits our ability to care. In this particular story, you've used a mix of third-person POV and omniscient perspective. In true omniscient, we would not understand what Jesse is thinking or what Sheriff Nottingham is thinking. But in this story we see both of their perspectives in a flip of third-person (often called "head hopping" in writing circles), which is a bit confusing while also preventing us from deeply immersing in the story. A better choice would be to choose one character — Captain Hamilton, perhaps — who has a deep desire to capture Jesse. Then the conflict and drama could unfold from his perspective and we would be sucked right in.

Again, we experience the author by our side, telling us what to see, what to think... pointing us this way and that. When we read "One would think that Covid-19 would have slowed down a career criminal," who is saying this? When we read "*C'est la vie*," who is thinking this? When we read "Speaking of leveling," who is speaking? This is the author. (Another great resource for you in our catalog of fiction writing tips is our article about [avoiding author](https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/writing-tip-32-what-is-author-intrusion) intrusion.)

Oh my... sorry to be so long-winded. I love this contest, as it is providing us with the opportunity to provide deeper insights on things our writers can do to identify and resolve their writing tics and get out of writing ruts. I hope you find this helpful, and that it isn't overwhelming!

To wrap up, here are a few editorial notes:
* Just go ahead and write "ass." That's the actual thing someone would say. :-)
* The phrase "people who were defying pandemic restrictions went to flex on the rest of the country" is rather vague. I'm not sure what it means.
* I wouldn't capitalize White and Black, as they are not proper nouns.
* I got lost in here: "After 30 years, it was an addiction, roused by the perfect birthday gift for Bonnie sitting around the neck of a stunning old Black French woman in Tinyville, VA. She was talking about going to a weekend wedding as her granddaughter went live on Facebook and Instagram." The first sentence is in Jesse's point of view and the second (I think) shifts to Bonnie's POV. Meanwhile, the birthday gift for Bonnie sitting around the neck of a stunning old Black French woman is a lot to take in and I had to work hard at understanding it. So... we're talking about a necklace. And are we to care that the black French woman is stunning? If we are in Jesse's POV, is that a detail he would actually think? The same thing happens here: "Next to Madame was cute little matching Mademoiselle who had put the family's plans up on Facebook." (Some of this will naturally iron out if you go with third person and pick just one character's POV.)
* When Jesse is captured, after all that, it's one sentence without any action at all: 

> “Got him,” Captain Ironwood Hamilton of Tinyville's police said after Jean-Paul Philippe Dubois, his friend retired from JAG and Interpol, knocked Jesse clean out.

In the end, I am not sure what the central conflict of the story was actually about. Was it Jesse's addiction to burglary? Was it the fact that he managed to evade the law for 30 years? Was it the fact that there is still deep prejudice in Lofton County?

Well... I've given you plenty to think about! Again, I hope this is helpful to you, @deeanndmathews. It comes from the heart, and from wanting to see all of our community members produce their best work. You get great rewards on your stories, which is wonderful and a sign that you've done very well for yourself on Hive. That is one type of success. I would love to also see more readers chomping at the bit for your next story because they were so smitten with the last one! 

When all is said and done, though, you must write as you see fit, in your own voice and style. These are just suggestions. It is your story!

Hello @deeanndmathews. I like the names you chose for your characters. The central character, Jesse Clyde is perfect for a career criminal of burglary. The Jade Necklace was gladly loaned by Mrs. Slocum-Lofton in order to lure and capture this criminal. I knew Major Dubois would be on the scene in perhaps the important take down of the century.

You're welcome in how you utilized the prized gem of the story.

Take care and stay safe.

Ah yes, the social media addicts spilling the beans for all to see and plan around if need be ;p

Loving the Bonnie & Clyde innuendo and I have to mention this - my Jonny Castle was named Jesse James after the Western outlaw before I thought I should make the mother's crush younger hehe

I have always loved your storytelling and again as expected, I enjoyed this read
Now, who will win this round? Jesse or the Sheriff? 

I was already looking forward to the presence of a Dubois hehehehe. I liked the story. The introspection of the character is great, but sometimes it confuses me a little when the other people's story comes, but it's just momentary, because I understood what's going on.

What would be good is to know in detail how they elaborated such a successful ambush.

Thank you for submitting this story to the Ink Well Writing Contest. The challenge was to write a story based on a logline. One of the goals of the  contest was to shake things up and break writers out of their usual patterns.  New characters. New settings.

It seems you chose the logline:
>A career criminal finds posts from people on Facebook who are going on vacation and burglarizes their homes while they are traveling, until one fateful day. 

That fateful day certainly does come for Jesse Clyde James.  You provide your character with motivation and the setting is clearly described.

You use dialogue extremely well.

Good luck!

Sheriff Nottingham needs to rethink his attitude but at least he came through in the end! He seems honest enough.

The story was nearly flawless :) Jesse Clyde James could maybe have had a flashback to almost being caught, right before he walked in, but then decided to ignore his instincts?