Thank you brother. I am in communication with them, working on a plan. Everything is well ATM. Very much appreciate you. Will be keeping the brothers informed and up to date.

I love you too Beth. Thank you 💗

Oh but you did hear from me sir lol. Your Valentine's fun, I stopped by and completed your quest!  ~~might have been drowned in all the amazing comments you get ;)~~

No worries about the upvotes, we are not here for such trivial things.  Give those votes, to the one's who need it **more than me**, please, would much rather have it this way. 

In terms of family, they sustained this as well, and sadly, there isn't much bond with anyone or healing, so I've had to do this first alone, now with my family right here! I am ok with that, because you have all saved my life whether you know it or not!!!!

The Veteran's doctor's have been doing their best, aside from all the issues *(opinion wise)* that I harbor, they have done their best to help, and continue to do so. 

Very much appreciate your kind words, and your companionship here my friend. Thank you again brother.

>Our first instinct is to charge and fight till the death and when manic continue to pick until we get a fight. Only Taurus-Aries understand what I mean.

Do I ever! It's definitely an internal battle when "in the moment", and the current goal I have, is to deconstruct the emotional response, while replacing it with a more logic based one. Yeah it sounds easy, and we both know it isn't, and that mania sucks, but at times can be pretty useful. 

>Please call me anytime day or night because I too do not sleep

I'm happy you are able to figure out a way to simplify it lol. 
I really appreciate this, and since I don't exactly have a phone pal, I think this might be an offer I can't refuse! 

Thank you birthday sister. 😎

Thank you kindly @frankbacon, you are appreciated sir.

Thanks bro, I'm still here, that's gotta count for something right? lol

I'm not offended in any way. I understand a great deal of psychology, but employing any of it in a practical sense for my benefit seems to be a conundrum. I've tried so much. A regular regiment of THC based products helps with reducing symptoms to a tolerable level, but it's currently not prescribed to veterans that have PTSD, Agoraphobia, Bi-polar, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have all of these, and they opt for pharma's every time, and every time, I become suicidal or even homicidal. Those pills are not good for me.

I've never tried EMDR, and/or ASMR which has also been recommended. 

I'm not sure what else to say right now. I'm not in a good state, and I'm scared of drug addicts breaking into my home. I feel trapped, and I am prepared to murder someone. I told the police this, and nothing is being done. Tomorrow I am alerting the VA hospital of what has happened. After all, they housed me here and told me it was safe. Didn't know people were smoking crack under my feet.

Thank you for taking the time to comment for me. I will look into EMDR further, as I've never heard of it. Reading might help distract the racing thoughts anyways. Thank you, @soyrosa, you are very kind hearted.

EDIT: I forgot, DSM was updated, so I am cured of agoraphobia now... LOL

@soyrosa, what's up with the flag war on your comments? That is nuts...

Thank you for sharing your similar story with me. It's my opinion that no child should be made to feel pain or fear at the whims of someone else's sickness. It's a sad situation, because it's usually indicative that the abuser is suffering from their own trauma as well.

I really cannot connect the dots efficiently , as to how someone could go from abused, to abuser. *(And I'm not saying this is the case with your abuser, or all abusers, but a good amount them surely)*.

>You will be high sensible or even more.. feel situations, see things long before others do.
Do not count on their help, they won't believe you.

I've experienced this my entire adult life. It's definitely frustrating, and a real mind bender when people see you continually predict things as a result of the heightened state of awareness, yet even when things happen time after time , they still remain dismissive, and will even go as far as to call it coincidence, well geeeze, how many coincidences must there be , before one questions the legitimacy of such dismissals! 

>I do not believe my life will get any better as it is now. I live in a kind of peace with as less people around me because they cause me stress.
I will never have any relationship or family. It is just me in a broken body.

I too have been alone most of my adult life, and prefer it this way, as people cause extreme stress, indeed,another commonality we share. Prefer as I do, it's not what I want, it's just a preference that I feel others force onto me. I have to question my thinking with this a bit, because it's easy to self sabotage, and not address the root of the trigger, or maybe better put *explore*, as a means of healing. 

No one has the power to make you feel any specific emotion or "feeling".  It's easy enough to understand, but difficult to employ in a practical sense. I can't tell you how many times I say "Ok, I have this shit down! No one will make me feel angry or scared or, ect.." Then something happens and it all goes out the window in an instant. It's *damn* hard to rewire how you think and perceive!  

I hope you won't give up on yourself though, because this last bit that I highlighted is depressive and defeated sounding, and since you composed the message, you're still here with us. The world can seem like a lonely place for people who've experienced serious trauma, but I'm not giving up on the hope of one day having a companion or family in general, maybe some friends to hang out with, and I hope you won't give up either! 

>I think no matter what you need to find a way/place where you can.stay without the stress other people give you.

Eventually I'll have my cabin in the woods. For now, I must remain where I'm able to remain, and try to grow from experiences like this one, instead of back peddling. This situation had me in a manic state for nearly two days, but I've recovered from it now, and the neighbors have remained quiet. In a calm state, I look at it and realize, it's not very likely that two drug addicts fighting over a lighter are going to come running up the stairs to break in my apartment. Cocaine makes you paranoid, especially the crack form, and a crackhead who doesn't know who or what is in a house, is likely to go somewhere they *know* they can rob or steal from. I never robbed or stole when I was using drugs, but hey, I'm kind of different than most people, that's indicative enough. 

If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me on discord (same user name) if you have discord that is. If you're in a moment of crisis, and I'm around. I will stop what I'm doing and be there for you. From one survivor to another. Hang in there, we're going to be ok.

Hi friend, I really appreciate your kind words. Everyone has been very kind and understanding. Sometimes, when in a crisis moment, it helps to write.. For me anyways. 

PTSD has been misunderstood for the longest time. It's starting to become a bit more recognized as something anyone could have, rather than just Veterans. Basically, anything in your life that could be considered traumatic, could cause this type of condition. Even something like a close pet dying, which isn't considered by most to be terribly traumatic, but we are all different in how we feel and perceive, so while one person might lose an animal and accept it for what it is, another might obsessively think about their lost pet, and that is an example that I have actually seen before.

So, if you suspect you might be suffering from PTSD, based on what you have read here, my suggestion is to read up on what the symptoms are, as a means of trying to determine if this could be the case. It isn't easy to self diagnose however, and could be wrong, and/or lacking in understanding of other underlying issues that coexist with the PTSD. Disorders tend to compound in this sense if gone untreated. If your understanding of psychology is limited as a whole, I would personally recommend at the very least, consulting with a psychiatrist. That doesn't mean you have to take medicine, even if it's offered, but it might help you get a proper diagnosis. 

A little google searching around will bring a ton of literature your way on this particular disorder. 

To get you started in the right direction, I searched for an easy to understand, yet good breakdown [Of PTSD](https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd)

There is a reason you landed on this post. I hope that you will find healing friend. Thank you for your comment.