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The unmovable weight by heartbeat1515

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· @heartbeat1515 ·
$2.20
The unmovable weight
My days felt like it is going slowly. Facing anything for the first time makes me feel heavy inside. The causes are unknown. Probably because I am not brave enough to face anything alone. I am used to having someone always by my side. Even if they are doing nothing, I am comfortable with having someone I can run to whenever I lost my strength. It has been 10 months and a week since that unforgettable moment in my life happened. 

People have always been listening to my problems. I have not been a good listener to others. It feels good to have someone to speak to and become a place I can pour out those weights inside, but then, I notice that things I said made them carry a part of the heaviness I let go. It made the suffer with me. Why don't I have the strength to bottle up everything inside of me and let the people I care about have some freedom?

I want to be more independent. I want to be the one that lends a helping hand. I want to be able to keep a smile on my ugly face without hiding any weight inside. I want to be my old self. What exactly did change me? Is it all those words I hear from him all this year? He prevent me from having friends, he made me scared to be out of the house without him and he is always jealous. His jealousy changes me a lot. I thought that I have done my best to make him happy but then he kept saying, "You are not listening to me". I had been listening to him and it did not improve our life therefore I decided to follow my own heart and we got worst from there.

I have been staying out of the world except for work and groceries. I feel safe in the comfort of my home but then, my colleague made a sudden visit. One of them says, "Your house is 100 times worse than mine. It's a mess. If I have a place like yours, I will make it better." 

Yes, I am a total mess and she woke me up. I have not touched the grass that growing wild outside my house for a few months. Yesterday I went on cutting bit by bit with a machete and it does look a little bit better after that. Grass cutter? Mine is broken and I have not been using that tools since I got married before. I found a new interesting tool online. The viral grass cutter. I am planning on buying one after I settled my current situation. 

It felt a little bit better after writing all of this. For those who read this, this is not my best writing but thank you for stopping by. Hopefully, I will be able to continue writing better things in the future. Hopefully, this platform will always be available for us to write. I have been feeding my little family from the HIVE I got here until now.
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